A blondes house catches on fire and she rans to her neighbors house,
"Help me, help me, my house is on fire can I use your phone?" Neighbors say yes so she calls 911.
Operator: "911 how may I assist you"
Blonde: "My house is on fire, my house is on fire!"
Operator: "Okay ma'am calm down, how can we get to your house?"
Blonde: "The Big Red Truck, DUH!" :doh:

Hehe...

So this Blond, on her lunch break, walks up to a soda vending machine. She sticks her dollar in, pushes a button. The can comes down. She takes this and puts it on top of the machine and pulls out another dollar. She puts that dollar into the machine and pushes another button. Can comes out.

Well meanwhile there is a line forming behind the blond as they watch her take out yet another dollar, put it in the machine, push a button and get the can out.

Someone from the back goes "Hurray up and move lady!"

To which the blond promptly replies "Hold your horses I'm still winning!"

:rofl:

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".

omg
:rotflmao:

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well- to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

The blonde, after looking about, responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body."

"That's odd", replied the doctor, "Show me what you mean"

So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.

The doctor says, "You're not a natural brunette are you?"

"No I'm a blonde", she replies.

"I thought so.... your finger is broken.", replies the doctor.

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde
came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a
seven-hundred-ten?' !

She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine,
I have lost it and need a new one..'

She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece
had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw
what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her
over to another car which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on
this car?'

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.'


This is a 710:
http://www.hotautoweb.com/cogifs/710.jpg

Here's my blonde joke.

Blonds r dum lolz


kbye

Here's my blonde joke.

Blonds r dum lolz


kbye

Ironic...

Thanks for all the jokes :) I was real tired after work yesterday and they lifted my spirits. Keep them coming:D

How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday?

























































Tell her a joke on a Monday

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?










































Pregnant!

How do you kill a blond?





Put A scratch-and-sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool!!!

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

So,this blonde calls her boy friend and say's hey,I've got this killer jigsaw puzzle,but I'm having trouble with it.Can you come over and help me?

So,The boy friend goe's over.She tells him it's a picture of a rooster.

The boy friend say's...go back in the kitchen and set down and have a cup of coffee.I'll put the cornflakes back in the box! :D

No words needed.. .Just watch:
LA COUNTY FAIR ADS.... Great Blonde's!

b4NCJxJ-jxM&NR

zX8eoYuVZuA

m62NLzQaQ1E

d9sGbKkPdNI

:happy130::happy130::happy130:

OMG.. Though most were blond that was more of a CA Joke than blond... And even then thats more an LA thing...

What do you tell a blonde with two black eyes?


Nothing, you already told her twice!

How does a blond turn on the lights after having sex?






Opens the car door...

Why did blond woman have bruises around her belly button?




Her boyfriend is blond too...

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels...
Helllloooo! ....bottles won't fit in printer!

March
Got really excited... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months... Box said '2-4
years!'

April
Trapped on escalator for hours... Power went out!

May
Tried to make Kool-Aid...wrong instructions... 8 cups of water won't fit
into those little packets!

June
Tried to go water skiing... Couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition... learned later, the other
swimmers cheated, they used their arms!

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm... car swamped because soft-top was
open.

September
The capital of California is 'C'... isn't it?

October
Hate M & M's... they are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I
weigh 108!

December
Couldn't call 911.. 'duh'... there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid
phone! THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female
neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and
again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she
went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again,
marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than
ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'

To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'

(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)








"My stupid computer keeps telling me, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'

LOL, Blonde jokes are always great :D

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."

I have heard that one... Without the Co-pilot though. :)

Blonde wife is listening to the weather report and they announce 6-8 inches of snow is expected during the night and alternate side parking rule is in effect - move all cars to the odd side of the street.

Three nights later new storm comes through. Forecasters say 10-12 inches this time. Alternate side parking rule is in effect - move cars to even side of street.

Sunday, BIG storm coming. As the blonde listens to the weather report they announce another alternate parking rule is in effect - move cars to [power outage occurs - no TV no Radio]

Blonde turns to husband - what should I do, I don't know what side of the street to move the car to.

Husband replies - Honey, why don't you just leave the car in the garage tonight.

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

Lol!

you guys are crackin me up!:D

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are on a jewelry heist. As they are climbing out the jewelry store window, two cops notice them. They start running down the alley and see a dumpster.

"Quick girls! Get in the dumpster!" said the brunette.

The police caught up a few seconds later.

"Hey did you hear something? I think I heard something." the first cop said just feet away from the dumpster.

"NO MAN NO THEY WENT THIS WAY! YOU PROBABLY JUST HEARD SOME STRAYS!" said the other cop.

The three robbers look at each other, in agreement of how to get these cops off their tails.

The brunette says, "arf......."

The redhead says,"meow.........."

The blonde says, "POTATO."

(That one's for those of you that have my weirdo sense of humor.)

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

That is a legit question I mean seriously. If it was on I don't think I would be able to hear anyone calling my name. I can barely hear my name being called when I am using the vac let alone inside it... Sheesh

:D

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

Hehe!

A blonde woman and her boyfriend decide to go see a ventrelaquist act one night. Dismayed the boyfriend looked at his girlfriend as she had hardly cracked a smile all night. The woman continued to sit through the "blonde" routine with as much patience as she could. Finally, after she could take no more she stood up--

"I am sick and tired of your insensitivity and disregard for another person's feelings! You stereotype an entire group of women based on a few boneheads that you've encountered and, frankly sir, I'm sure I wouldn't speak for just myself when I say I've had enough of your ignorant act!"

Stunned, the ventrelaquist looks at the woman and begins to stutter "I'm.....I'm ... Sorry ma'am"

The blonde woman looks at the man and says "Shut up, I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to that idiot on your lap!"

:rad:

:rofl:

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. 'Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

Hehehe

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. 'Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'


LOL!! :happy110: Nice!

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking ..... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away .... Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????"

What do you get when you put two blondes next to each other, ear to ear?




A wind tunnel!! :rotflmao:

What was a blonde doing with one quarter in each ear?




Listening to 50cent!! :lol:

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those Expensive,
>> double-pane energy-efficient kind.
>>
>> Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was
>> complaining that the windows had been installed a year ago and I had not
>> paid for them yet.
>>
>> Hellloooo?
>> Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am Automatically stupid.
>> So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME
> last
>> year...namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for
>> themselves!
>>
>> Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him)
>> There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just
> hung
>> up....
>> He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the
>> guarantee they made me.
>> Bet he won't underestimate a blonde anymore.
>>

HAHAHAHA!! :D Nice..

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten knob. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven- hundred-ten knob?'

She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.' She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.

He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked, 'Is there a 710 on this car?'

She pointed and said, 'Of course, it's right there.'

If you're not sure what a 710 is



http://www.hotautoweb.com/cogifs/710.jpg

One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked so she asked the clerk what it was. The Clerk said it was a thermos.
"What does the thermos do?"
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
So she bought one and took it to work one day. The blonde's boss who also is a blonde said:
"What is that thing? "
"It is a thermos."
"What does it do?"
"Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
"What do you have in it?"
"I have coffee and a Popsicle in it." :lol:

How can you tell if a FAX was sent by a blonde?

It has a stamp on it.

Heres one from my nephew told the other day...

A Blonde Walks into a Bar.......



..... Then without another word, he walked away.
Was really quite funny coming from a 7 year old.

My Aunt sent this to me. I looked on You Tube... found it..

qrt2q6Mpeyc

that was GREAT!

Sunny that was the absolute best ever!! My eyes got watery because it's too darn funny!! :rotflmao:

This thread has been very funny, however now my brain hurts from reading how stupid blonds can be in jokes lol. Sad thing is that alot of these jokes are probably based on some form of truth. :eek:

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

:lol:

This thread has been very funny, however now my brain hurts from reading how stupid blonds can be in jokes lol. Sad thing is that alot of these jokes are probably based on some form of truth. :eek:

Q: How many blonde jokes are there?

A: One. The rest are all true stories.

Nani! That last one was classic!

I have been wanting to use this for a while but no one on this forum needs it. Heres my new trick.

Click Here (http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Dumb+Blonde+Jokes)

My Aunt sent this to me. I looked on You Tube... found it..



HAHAHA! Just showed my co-workers LOL! :D

A BLONDE was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat
which was ; hiding in the grass.
She rushed her cat, along with the tail over to WAL-MART!

Why WAL-MART???

HELLOOOOOOOOO! ?



WALMART is the largest RETAILER in the world!!!

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.

You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!! :rotflmao:

Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.

Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".

I like this one, I didn't get it at first but I did after re-reading the end. Must be the blonde part coming out of me...

This thread is as funny as the jokes thread. Good job to all.

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department.
One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the
hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other,
then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without
rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand
what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the
effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do
you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up
again?'

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it
probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today
the girl who plants the trees called in sick.'

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump.."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money...

I don't know if these are to bad for this site. Remove them if they are.


- Have you ever heard of a smart Blonde?
~ I have, a Golden Retreiver.

- Why do Blondes wash they're hair in the kitchen sink?
~ That's where you wash the vegetables.

- Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
~ Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Now getting worse.

- What's the difference between Windows 98 and a Blonde?
~ The Blonde works better on laptops.

- What do you call a Blond with pigtails?
~ A BJ with handles.

- What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
~ The blonde works in the dark!

- What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
~ Her ankles.

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic her car died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."

She asks, "Oh, OK, so how often do I have to do that?"