[Apex]

What do you all do on those bad days? Lately, with the hand life has given me, it feels like no matter what I do, I'm overwhelmed. Depression, anxiety....just everything hitting me. Don't worry, not that depressed.

Still, being alone, feeling lonely, not sure about my relationship...all that, what do you all do when life seems like it is hitting you from both sides?


I used to ride a lot. Still try to, but it doesn't work like it used to. I find myself dwelling on issues even more. Like setting your favorite song to repeat one. The stuff sits in my head and I can end up either a little better or worse, like a flip of a coin.

After church, I rode around on my Z. The last major rain storm got water in my tank, and I was trying to burn it out (which I did). Towards the tail end of my 3 hour journey, I found myself at Guitar Center. I knew they had cheap keyboards, and I was debating on getting one, but I wasn't set on one. Stopped by to more window shop than anything.

I am working on making tracks of songs we use a church. Mainly for vocalists. The music director changes the key for some songs, and many of the backup vocalists have a hard time adapting because they cannot practice it. So I am arranging the drums, bass, etc., to make tracks for them to practice singing to (also making full tracks as backups for when the music director takes a vacation or something, that way we only need a vocalist).

Anyway, I was walking around the store and looking around. I had been debating on keys or a guitar. Mainly because trying to input it all manually in my DAW (digital audio workstation) is so annoying. Could I do it? Sure, but easier to get an idea of the flow while playing.

Then I saw it. A $90 guitar. I wasn't even aware the thing was made. Fender Squire Mini. I don't have a lot of room, so this tiny thing would be perfect. I got it thinking about the music for church. I loaded the body in my motorcycle backpack, with the neck poking out and straight up. I took the 35 minute journey back to my place and tuned it up. I don't have an amp, but I have a 2 channel mixer I plug into, and just wear headphones.

It was about 3 hours later I put it down because my fingers were raw. I learned a song, new chords, and finally being able to wash the worries away for a moment. Music is truly my escape. I woke up this morning, and immediately wanted to play, but I have to log onto my computer to do work (also, I think my fingers need a rest).

Sucks having life make you feel worthless, and alone. I sure feel that way right now. At least I have the option to make music again....which helped me get through high school. Don't know why I ever stopped and got rid of my old gear years ago.