justin, i would just suggest hitting up walmart and checking out some mountain bikes.
hell had both of my trucks not broken down i would have been glad to help you get your bike(s) up there to ya!
usually if you get into a mid-range gear on a mountain bike you shouldn't have to put in much effort. although i can't see you being able to pedal for long if 2-3 seconds of running makes you hit the ground.
how about investing in a go-ped?
that would be something to think about
