So good news and bad news- the good news is- I FIGURED IT OUT! And for more good news, I was following the install correctly afterall!
The bad news is, the reason it wouldn't sit right was nothing to do with the state of the engine, rather, there was a chunk of metal that broke off in the channel that I didn't notice (when removing the cams, I assume). Seems to be wedged in there quite tightly though, so I don't know if I'm going to be able to clear said channel. If I CAN clear the channel, I can comfortably confirm that valve adjustments are not actually so bad. If I can't, I can officially accept that I'll be learning to replace either an entire top end or an entire motor (pending cost)
But for more good news, now finally understanding why it wasn't working and where I screwed up takes a lot of that fear out of the equation that I was starting to build up here. These motors are fragile as ****ing lollipops, but they're not rocket science (unless you count maybe rocket science from the 80s), and there wasn't a secret technique I was missing. Well.... maybe subtlety and less impulsive behavior techniques, but you know.
It's funny how ****ing up can actually result in more understanding and confidence than it may have if things had gone well
