Mike, I applaud you for such insightful introspection. Recognizing that you're learning is great step towards progress!
Another thing to keep in mind is that there's no "place" you're trying to reach. Life is endless continuum of greys. I had been riding for 40yrs before I got serious about track-racing. Boy, did I have lots to learn. And I'm
still learning and improving!
Don't worry about being "perfect", there's no such thing! Don't be hard on yourself. Just set intermediate baby-steps that can be achieved and pat yourself on back each time you reach another milestone!