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Sorry to hear about your accidents, glad you are OK.
At this point I would take a break from riding and enroll in a MSF course. The cost is not minimal, but neither are hospital or repair bills.
You need solid basic instruction in order to continue riding safely. That will help you know what to do when you are taken by surprise and need to react quickly and correctly.
Right now you aren't sure what to do, or how to do it, and that is leading to a panic reaction. You need to learn basic riding skills so you can react quickly and appropriately to avoid losing control.
Dirt bikes are another excellent learning tool. On the dirt you are constantly correcting and reacting, which leads to learning what to do when the cycle starts to get out of control. Plus speeds are low and traffic isn't an issue.
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