Best Obituary One Could Hope For

[Alex]

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/nyt...50#fbLoggedOut

Antonia W. "Toni" Larroux

Bay St. Louis, MS

Waffle House lost a loyal customer on April 30, 2013. Antonia W. "Toni" Larroux died after a battle with multiple illnesses: lupus, rickets, scurvy, kidney disease and feline leukemia. She had previously conquered polio as a child contributing to her unusually petite ankles and the nickname "polio legs" given to her by her ex-husband, Jean F. Larroux, Jr. It should not be difficult to imagine the multiple reasons for their divorce 35+ years ago. Two children resulted from that marriage: Hayden Hoffman and Jean F. Larroux, III. Due to multiple, anonymous Mother's Day cards which arrived each May, the children suspect there were other siblings but that has never been verified.

She is survived by the two confirmed, aforementioned children. Her favorite child, Jean III, eloped in college and married Kim Fulford who dearly loved Toni. They gave Toni three grandchildren: Jean IV, Ann Elizabeth and Hannah Grace. Toni often remarked that her son, Jean III, was "just like his father," her ex-husband, Jean Jr., a statement that haunts her son to this day.

Hayden Hoffman married Stephen Hoffman of Charleston, WV. They reside in Bay St. Louis and carry the Larroux family torch forward through each and every Happy Hour, Mardi Gras and cocktail party. Steve's quiet demeanor has provided ballast to an otherwise unstable family. They have two children: Charlie and Helen (the 'well-behaved' child Toni's daughter, Hayden deserved to raise.)

Toni had four sisters: Patty the elder, Kitty the cook, Lisa the lawyer and Piji…the…piji. The sisters dearly loved Toni; spoke often and as one family photo proved, all preferred Clairol blonde in a box #47. They inherited their unique sense of humor from their father, Paul "P. Marvelous" White. He gave nicknames to all the girls such as "tittle mouse", "kittycat", "bouder bounce", "spooker mcdougle" and "poodle pump."

Toni previously served on the board of the Hancock County Library Foundation. Ironically, the only correspondence she has received from the library since her resignation has been overdue notices for several overdue books (a true statement.) Between ICU, dialysis and physical therapy she selfishly refused to make the time to return them. Her last words were, "tell them that the check is in the mail…" Toni retired from GE Plastics after Hurricane Katrina in 2007. She would undoubtedly cherish the thought of having the former smoking room named in her honor.

Any sendoff for Toni would not be complete without mentioning her lifelong buddy Myrtle Jane Wingo Haas and her adopted daughters Liz & Laura. She considered Aaron Burrell to be a distant grandson (not distant enough) and had the ability with family pets to usher them toward heaven at an unrivaled pace. Her favorite activity was sipping hot tea on her back porch with friends seated around her porch ensemble from Dollar General (again, not kidding.) This will be sold to the highest bidder at her garage 'estate' sale. Any gifts in her honor should be made to the Hancock County Library Foundation (to the overdue book fund.)

Visitation will be held at Edmond Fahey Funeral Home in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi on Saturday, May 4th at 9:30 a.m. Her memorial service will begin at 11:00 a.m. (another true statement.) It will be led by Rev. Curt Moore of Orlando, Florida, a questionable choice for any spiritual event, but one the family felt would be appropriate due to the fact that every time Toni heard Curt preach she prayed for Jesus to return at that very moment.

On a last but serious note, the woman who loved life and taught her children to 'laugh at the days to come' is now safely in the arms of Jesus and dancing at the wedding feast of the Lamb. She will be missed as a mother, friend and grandmother. Anyone wearing black will not be admitted to the memorial. She is not dead. She is alive.

Edmond Fahey Funeral Home is in charge of the arrangements.
Published on NYTimes.com from May 3 to May 4, 2013

[Snake]

WOW! Very in depth obituary. Feline leukemia???????

[alex.s]

"a questionable choice for any spiritual event, but one the family felt would be appropriate due to the fact that every time Toni heard Curt preach she prayed for Jesus to return at that very moment. " ahahhahahaha.

[Alex]

That cracked me up as well.

[Alex]

Another great obit: (bolding is mine)

http://lancasteronline.com/obituarie...E--Holden.html

John E. Holden, alias Jack, took the Deep Six, Monday, May 27, 2013 at the Willow Valley Retirement Community after a life filled with endless laughter and debauchery. While flying his beloved Corsair as a Marine Fighter Pilot during WWII, he was awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross for his combat activities, the Air Medal for action in Okinawa in 1945 and the Distinguished Fleeing Cross for avoiding numerous women who were seeking child support under unproven circumstances.
After WWII he spent eight years with the Armstrong Cork Company and resigned with the title of Assistant Director of Advertising plus a dinky pension. He then joined the Hubley Toy Company and later became an independent toy designer.
He was a longstanding member of the Lancaster Country Club, the Hamilton Club and the International Mickey Mouse Club from which he was immediately banned after providing housing for a number stray cats.
For many years prior to his demise, he wrote a tongue in cheek publication at *Willow Valley called "The Wrinkle Valley News" where he had close to a thousand readers whom he referred to as "The Inmates of Wrinkle Valley." They fully enjoyed his creative humor and his intention to help them make unwise decisions in their *hectic lives.
Jack was widowed ten years ago after sixty-one years of marriage to Elaine Ewing Holden. He has had a number of other wives recently, none of which were his. Three daughters, Holly, Wendy and Anne Holden and a son, John E. Holden, Jr. have managed to survive despite being related to their father. His last words were "I'm really going to miss myself."
Stay tuned for the "Gone Away" party to which the invitation may never come. In all seriousness, in lieu of flowers, please send *donations to Honor Flight, 300 E. Auburn Avenue, Springfield, OH 45505 or www.*honorflight.org.
Jack Holden wrote this obituary several years ago.
Online condolences and funny memories of Jack may be posted on our Web site:

[Snake]

Another good one.

[Apex]

There better be some humor in mine when I go...or else I'll be very disappointed.

[ally99]

those are very cool final write-ups!

[JohnnyBravo]

Man if those two weren't gems

[az3200]

I can't believe that first one is real. Who wrote that? Every other sentence ends with saying something negative about her life!

[Alex]

I'm sure she had a hand in writing it herself.