September 10th, 2009, 07:19 PM | #41 |
2 Wheel Newb
Name: Scott
Location: Sacramento, CA
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Really, if you've made your decision then go with it, regardless of whether or not we agree with it. You know your family better than we ever could. There has been a lot of good advice thrown around and hopefully some of it will work.
I was in your same situation. My mom and dad were both completely against it, and my dad is a doctor so hes seen what motorcycle accidents can lead to. I asked a few times and was more or less told "not while you live with me". I respected their decisions and waited until i moved out. They still HATE the idea of me riding, and i doubt that will ever change.
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September 10th, 2009, 07:20 PM | #42 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
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I guess if you and mom have reached an impasse (in your view), you will have to weigh living at home, perhaps going to college, and all that stuff, against owning a bike, living away from home, working, to support your bike, insurance, rent, taxes, etc. I don`t think that anybody on this board can--or would want to--make that decision for you. It`s a tough call, but the ball is in your court.
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September 10th, 2009, 07:32 PM | #43 |
Cat herder
Name: Gort
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Your written "agreement" did not come as the result of negotiation.
Handing someone a document they don't like (even if it's reasonable) and asking them to sign is just another form of confrontation. Buy-in is a prerequisite. You negotiate, you find common ground, you both compromise, and THEN you draft an agreement. Sounds like you drafted an agreement that you could live with and then just presented it. Is it any wonder the Iranians are not playing ball? We're dictating terms, not negotiating. From their point of view, it's a losing proposition because we're not listening to them. They're faced with a nuclear adversary (Israel) and nothing but demands that they not act to maintain the balance of power. Don't get me wrong... I think they're behaving stupidly and they should not get the bomb... but I understand their point of view and I also understand why we're getting nowhere with them. Just like that horrible situation, you're stuck in a rut of "I MUST HAVE THIS BIKE!" and she's stuck in the rut of "NO EFFIN' WAY!" You both need to stop, breathe deeply, reset, and find common ground. Stop being so hell-bent on owning that bike before you're out of her house. "Time to enjoy?" That's YOU deciding the outcome when you're in a situation where there is another interested party. To be perfectly honest, you need to recognize the rights and wishes of the other party instead of dictating what YOU want to happen. You are not independent yet. You don't get to dictate terms yet. You will, but not yet. A winning situation is one where EVERYBODY is happy, not just you. I have to come back to the patience thing. Think back to when you were, say, ten years old and the WHOLE WORLD revolved around getting a favorite toy for Christmas. We all experienced this. It was EVERYTHING to you and you would be utterly destroyed if you didn't get it, right? Life would be PERFECT if you got it. So you didn't get it and it sucked. Or you got it and life was great. For about six months. Remember that? I do, and it was 40 years ago. It was silly and STUPID. Still is. It was a TOY, for cryin' out loud. Guess what. Motorcycles are toys too. Relax and look forward. You WILL get what you want and all this will be revealed as the short-term inconvenience it is. My favorite image of the folly of immediate gratification is the guy who is a huge Metallica (or whatever band you choose) fan and gets a great big tattoo of the band logo done across his back. Bet that's going to be really impressive 40 years from now, when he's 60. When i was your age, the Bee Gees were big. Can you imagine how STUPID a Bee Gees tattoo on my saggy-ass butt would look today? Patience. Patience. |
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September 10th, 2009, 07:47 PM | #44 |
Cat herder
Name: Gort
Location: A secret lair which, being secret, has an undisclosed location
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Let me just add one small thing here.
I've been married for 23 years. The most important thing you can learn about being married is that it's all about creating compromises. You give her space, and she gives you space. Disagreement is part of the game, and the sooner you learn that neither of you gets to have his/her own way at the expense of the other's wishes, the happier you'll be. You do not "win." Ever. And neither does she. Instead, you reach an understanding. You find a place where you're both okay, and that's as good as it ever gets. Get used to the idea. This is what life is all about. So... find that common ground. That's your true goal, not bike ownership. The bike is just a transitory object. It'll get crashed or sold in a few years anyway. The common understanding you build today will last far, far longer. Take the long view. |
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September 10th, 2009, 07:59 PM | #45 |
nub
Name: Adam
Location: PA
Join Date: Aug 2009 Motorcycle(s): '08 zx-14 Posts: 142
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Another thing that helped my mother and i was finding a common ground. She kept asking why i wanted to ride a bike. Why would i want to risk myself like that. I couldnt get her to grasp the why of it despite my best effort... until i asked her why she takes her horses out riding still despite being thrown a half dozen times and having an artificial knee.
Turned out we werent so different. And to reiterate... don't try to hide it if you buy it. |
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September 10th, 2009, 08:06 PM | #46 |
Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: Too much.
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if you were my kid and I found out you bought a bike behind my back, you would get to keep the bike, but you would be out of the house looking for a place to live. You make adult choices, you learn to live as an adult and pay your own way, no strings attached.
if you want to be treated as an adult, start acting like one. |
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September 10th, 2009, 08:46 PM | #47 |
ninjette.org member
Name: Dave
Location: South Jerzey
Join Date: Feb 2009 Motorcycle(s): None yet Posts: 181
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Im still really down for the MSF course Idea. I get an idea of how dangerous they are, and she gets a taste of how responsible riding can be fun. Ill try get this.....
If she takes a MSF course with me (I already took mine ill take it again) I will agree to hold off no questions until I am in my own place. She gets to take me to the spinal recovery clinic or wherever it was she wanted to take me to show how they can ruin lives. Thanks all, I will advise after I speak with my therapist and we talk some more -Dave
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September 10th, 2009, 10:51 PM | #48 |
2 Wheel Newb
Name: Scott
Location: Sacramento, CA
Join Date: Jul 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2007 250r Posts: 218
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Hope it goes well for you dude. At the end of the day, though, you'll have a bike someday. Just not as soon as you'd like.
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"Always remember, your mind is like a parachute. It works best when not being eaten by zombies" -Someone |
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September 11th, 2009, 01:33 AM | #49 |
ninjette.org guru
Name: Dan
Location: Chicago, il....
Join Date: Jun 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2007 Suzuki GSX-R750 Posts: 378
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Time 2 move out..If you got the cash 4 a bike, and storage,insurance, etc.. u should find a apartment first, get set up, then worry about the bike....
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September 11th, 2009, 09:51 AM | #50 |
ninjette.org member
Name: zail
Location: Bristol, UK
Join Date: Apr 2009 Motorcycle(s): 08 Ninja 250r Posts: 156
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Like others have said you really need to respect your mum's wishes while you live with are and are financial dependant. From what you have said maybe you also have to accept that no arguement you put to your mum about you having a bike will sway her because her reaction is more than likely an emotional reaction based on what she has seen in the ER and the thought of that happening to you, maybe mixed up with some stuff relating to her relationship with your dad who rode bike etc etc. The worst thing you can do here is go behind your mum's back as that will polarise the two of you further.
I didn't get a bike till I was 36 for a variety of reasons - my mum refused to let me have a bike when I was living at home (even though I could afford it), once I left home at 18 I couldn't afford one, then I had a partner who was very anti bike as his brother had been killed on one then I kind of forgot about it while I did other things in life and then realized one day that I still wanted to do it, so I did! It's great and in a lot of ways I'm glad I waited as I'm a lot more responsible, grounded and aware of my own mortality than I was at 18. I didn't tell my mum when I decided to get a bike and do my test as I thought she would try and talk me out of it, plus being 36 and living 300 miles from her it was something I could legimately do without her finding out (this is not the same as living at home and pretending not to have a bike!). I did tell her once I'd passed my test - and I found that she was actually quite happy for me! She didn't even revert to being anti bike when I broke my leg with the bike! When she visited after I'd got the bike she even asked to see it and said she thought it looked great and asked me to ride round the block so she could see me on it! Which just goes to show - I respected my mum's point of view (although grudgingly!) when I lived with her, now I'm living my own life she respects my decisions and choices - hopefully if you wait your mum will do the same and you can come to laugh about this current impasse! Good luck
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September 11th, 2009, 10:28 AM | #51 |
ninjette.org Monkey Spank
Name: Kevin
Location: Illinois
Join Date: Apr 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2008 250R Track-Bike Woodcraft clip-ons and rearsets FZ-6 track bike Posts: A lot.
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Dont do it dude. You can wait. Get your education (worth way more than the riding the bike) Get a good job, Get your own place, then get a bike.
Respect your mothers wishes while you live in her house. She can do alot more to make your life a mess or a bed of roses. I would perfer roses if I were you.
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September 11th, 2009, 10:56 AM | #52 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Travis
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The thing you need to remember is that it will be imposible to keep owning a bike a secret. If you are willing to take the risk, what you should do is buy the bike and show up with it one day. If your mom really met that she wouldn't allow it, then you will be kicked out and be on your own. Be sure you are ready for this. But my bet is she won't.
If she is so concerned about your wellbeing, then she won't just abandon you onto the street. When you're a young adult, your parents only see you as young, they forget that you are old enough to make your own decisions (including mistakes). You need to demonstrate that you can make your own decisions. Once parents realize that they are nolong rulers, but advisors in your life your relationship will grow with mutual respect. But until that happens, you and your parents will only develop anger, hostility, disrespect and could even lose love for eachother. It is hard for parents to let go. Remember, that your parents were once in your same spot. Your mom, probably once had the same problem with her folks (not over a bike, but maybe over a boyfriend, or a car, or a trip to Europe, etc.) Little has she realized, she has turned into her parents. It is an endless cycle, even if you try to avoid being like your parents, you will. In the future you will be in the same spot as your Mom is right now. Treat her like you would want to be treated when your future kids start to rebel. Just remember, once you have proved that you are incharge of your life, your Mom will learn that she is nolonger in control. This is difficult, as she has been in control for 18 years and no one likes to lose control. There are two possible outcomes here. Your mom will either kick you out and completely disown you and you will never see or hear from her again until you recieve a call from one of your siblings letting you know the funeral date and time... or she will be upset, but eventually accept her new roll in your life and you both will grow and develope a better relationship (beware that you might get kicked out in this process too). In summary... Buy the bike, show it to her the first day, and be prepared for the worst, hope for the best.
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Addicted to anything that has an engine and rolls. |
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September 11th, 2009, 11:08 AM | #53 |
ninjette.org sage
Name: Greg
Location: central new york
Join Date: Aug 2009 Motorcycle(s): 90 Suzuki gsx600f Katana, 03 Buell XB9R Posts: 868
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It seems that everyone is suggesting that you not buy the bike, but you are pretty much set on buying it. So it comes down to do what you feel you need to do, and live with the repercussions that your actions will produce.
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September 11th, 2009, 11:57 AM | #54 |
ninjette.org guru
Name: Z
Location: Long Island, NY
Join Date: May 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2009 Ninja 250R (sold) Posts: 356
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Get an apartment first....where are you going to take girls who want a ride.....to your mom's house?
I bought the bike after I'd moved out but it would've been the same before. I didn't try to hide it from my parents nor did I seek their approval. If I remember correctly my mother was a little concerned when she saw that my license and papers came from motorcycle training school. (I get my mail at there place). This past spring I pulled up on the bike and she said "are you trying to give me a heart attack!?!" After that, I didn't hear another thing about it. I guess she sees that I took training beforehand / installed headlight /brake light modulators / wear ATGATT, etc. FYI: im 24 |
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September 11th, 2009, 12:50 PM | #55 |
ninjette.org sage
Name: aj
Location: New York / PA
Join Date: Jul 2009 Motorcycle(s): Red 09 Ninja 250r aka Sheila (RIP), Red '10 Ninja 250r aka Sasha (Sold), White '13 Ninja 300 (To be Purchased) Posts: 855
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Me: I'm getting a motorcycle.
Mom: You have to take me for a ride. Me: Deal.
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September 11th, 2009, 12:53 PM | #56 |
ninjette.org member
Name: J
Location: NYC
Join Date: Aug 2009 Motorcycle(s): RED 250R Posts: 112
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First thing first, email the link to this thread to your mom and let her READ ALL of this.....
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September 11th, 2009, 02:14 PM | #57 | |
ninjette.org member
Name: Dave
Location: South Jerzey
Join Date: Feb 2009 Motorcycle(s): None yet Posts: 181
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Quote:
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-Dave |
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September 11th, 2009, 02:24 PM | #58 |
=°°=
Name: Imran
Location: Bergen County, NJ
Join Date: Sep 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2009 Yamaha R6 / 2008 Green Ninja 250 (Sold) Posts: 103
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lol one of my friends bought a bike without his parents knowing, and he keeps the bike behind a friends house next to the garage, hes been riding for three years, no accidents or anything and his parents still dont know he has a bike lol
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September 11th, 2009, 06:25 PM | #59 | ||
ninjette.org member
Name: Dave
Location: South Jerzey
Join Date: Feb 2009 Motorcycle(s): None yet Posts: 181
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Quote:
Quote:
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-Dave |
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September 12th, 2009, 01:05 AM | #60 | |
ninjette.org member
Name: Jerry
Location: California
Join Date: Jun 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2007 EX250 Posts: 178
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Quote:
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September 12th, 2009, 02:08 AM | #61 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: zartan
Location: spam la
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I am responding to the first post in this thread.
Geez Dave, This is one of the exact reasons I decided not to have kids. Not that kids are bad, it is just that I am not and never have been emotionally up to this type of behavior. The amount of hurt and disrespect of hiding something this big from your parent can and will be something that hurts them for a long time. Even considering this is showing me that you are not ready.
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"Don't let adverse facts stand in the way of a good decision" Colin Powell |
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September 12th, 2009, 02:11 AM | #62 | |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
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Quote:
__________________________________________________
"Don't let adverse facts stand in the way of a good decision" Colin Powell |
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September 12th, 2009, 06:56 AM | #63 | |
ninjette.org member
Name: zail
Location: Bristol, UK
Join Date: Apr 2009 Motorcycle(s): 08 Ninja 250r Posts: 156
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Quote:
Well said
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Bristol, UK - R&G Tail Tidy, Exhaust Hanger, Bar ends & Crash Protectors, Skidmarx Hugger & Double Bubble, SW motech mirror extenders, Scorpion Exhaust, Cycle Control levers & Rearset Adjusters |
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September 12th, 2009, 07:55 AM | #64 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
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Your Mom loves you. Give her the respect of telling her you will be buying a bike and all the reasons why and how you will respect the responsibility of riding.
Go buy the bike.
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If everything seems under control; you're just not going fast enough! |
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September 12th, 2009, 01:13 PM | #65 | |
ninjette.org member
Name: Dave
Location: South Jerzey
Join Date: Feb 2009 Motorcycle(s): None yet Posts: 181
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Quote:
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-Dave |
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September 12th, 2009, 01:58 PM | #66 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Michael
Location: Southern NM
Join Date: Feb 2009 Motorcycle(s): '91 Honda CBR600 F2 Posts: A lot.
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YOU sir, first of all, need to realize that Zartan is a girl. (I seem to need to tell everyone this! ) Second, I really don't understand why you don't get this. Hiding this from your mom is a REALLY bad idea. End of story. We all know this, and we've been telling you from the start. YOU don't want to hear the advice, YOU don't want to concede the fact that you've gotta abide by the house rules, YOU don't want to look at it from your mother's point of view, and YOU are just looking for YOUR instant gratification. I also realize that you aren't going to listen to any of us, be we younger, the same age, or older than you. There are many wise people on this forum telling you all the reasons that this is a bad idea in your current situation, but you don't care. My final advice to you is this: do what you want as we can't change your actual decision that you've already made, but DON'T come crying to us when your mother kicks you out on the street and doesn't speak to you again because you're hiding something from her that she believes will kill you. Personally, I find the way you're acting heartless.
/rant.
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September 12th, 2009, 03:30 PM | #67 |
ninjette.org guru
Name: Jessica
Location: Calgary, Canada
Join Date: Jul 2009 Motorcycle(s): '09 Metallic Diablo Black Posts: 298
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My mom would go f*cking ballistic if she ever found out I had a motorcycle. Then again, she's outrageously and abnormally overprotective. I was never allowed to climb trees, participate in team sports, rollerskate/rollerblade, ski, snowboard, ice skate, not even ride a bicycle much as a child. This all contributed to my current physical ineptitude and lack of balance as an adult. :P It took me probably 10x longer to get the hang of motorcycling than everyone else usually needs.
I'm 26 now and bought a bike. I have no intention of ever telling my parents that I have one. Your situation is harder though, since you still live at home. I would probably recommend waiting until you move out. Do you see yourself being able to do so anytime in the near future? Rent a place with some friends, etc. |
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September 12th, 2009, 06:17 PM | #68 | |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: zartan
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Quote:
It is about living at home and hiding it. It is just plain deceitful but hey you know best because you are 18 right?? And if you know why are you asking us. Don't give yourself so much credit YOU do not make me doubt my abilities. I have made that choice years ago.
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"Don't let adverse facts stand in the way of a good decision" Colin Powell |
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September 12th, 2009, 06:30 PM | #69 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Alex
Location: Belfast, ME
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Sounds to me that your mind is made up--so nobody on this forum can confuse you with facts. I did the parenting route with two very intelligent teen agers. I always held the line and the kids always knew where I stood--In short, I was consistant. Consequences were always crystal clear. The result is that both kids--now 35 and 40 are exceptionally sucessful people who can afford all the whistles and bells. Son races a Vette and does quite well. If he wanted to get a bike he would--but I am sure he would go about it in a much more responsible manner than what you are choosing---he would consider his wife in the decision. You are not considering anybody. It`s all about you. No point reasoning with a rock.
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September 12th, 2009, 07:39 PM | #70 | ||
ninjette.org member
Name: Dave
Location: South Jerzey
Join Date: Feb 2009 Motorcycle(s): None yet Posts: 181
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Quote:
*Im 18 so I know everything When did I ever say this. You assumed that I think I know everything Quote:
Heartless? Man up Besides there are several people here who tell me to get the bike... Im waiting to talk to my friend some more to make the decision. But heartless? Really...lol its a motorcycle. Not that big of a deal.
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September 12th, 2009, 07:41 PM | #71 | |
ninjette.org member
Name: Dave
Location: South Jerzey
Join Date: Feb 2009 Motorcycle(s): None yet Posts: 181
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Quote:
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-Dave |
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September 12th, 2009, 07:55 PM | #72 |
2 Wheel Newb
Name: Scott
Location: Sacramento, CA
Join Date: Jul 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2007 250r Posts: 218
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No need to get so angry or hostile about this folks.
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"Always remember, your mind is like a parachute. It works best when not being eaten by zombies" -Someone |
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September 12th, 2009, 08:38 PM | #73 |
motorcycle rider
Name: Bruce
Location: Victoria, BC
Join Date: Apr 2009 Motorcycle(s): '14 Yamaha V-Star 650 Custom (silver) Posts: A lot.
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Her house, her rules - so move out. You're 18; it's time to leave the nest.
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September 12th, 2009, 10:19 PM | #74 | |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Michael
Location: Southern NM
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Quote:
Alex, I'm sorry for helping turn this thread into a fight. I'm going to bow out of this one as none of us are getting anywhere positive. My apologies for hoping that logic, courtesy, respect, and familial love would win out.
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September 13th, 2009, 12:00 AM | #75 |
nub
Name: Adam
Location: PA
Join Date: Aug 2009 Motorcycle(s): '08 zx-14 Posts: 142
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Truly. Here i thought the people here were generally friendly but when someone asks a question that has a bit of moral substance to it people turn self righteous as if they had never considered doing the "wrong thing" as a kid.
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September 13th, 2009, 01:43 PM | #76 | |
ninjette.org member
Name: Jordan
Location: Calgary
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Quote:
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September 13th, 2009, 02:24 PM | #77 |
Bike Thrasher
Name: JaeL
Location: Omaha
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I'm sorry for being lazy but I'm not going to read through everyones reasons on why you shouldn't get a bike. I'm just confused on why you haven't moved out? If you guys disagree about this don't you disagree about other things?
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September 13th, 2009, 07:38 PM | #78 | |
ninjette.org member
Name: Dave
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Quote:
(People Eating Tasty Animals LOL!)
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September 14th, 2009, 04:58 AM | #79 |
Green!
Name: Tyler
Location: S. Florida
Join Date: Nov 2008 Motorcycle(s): 08 Ninja 250R, 04 Honda CRF230F, 94 Honda XR80R Posts: 505
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Well my opinion is that is your dad isn't around, things are in general probably a little bit harder for your mom, and she probably values a close relationship with you more then anything.
Given that, I really wouldn't try to hide the bike. If you MUST have it, then do something like you mentioned before, buying and working on it, while slowly getting her used to the idea BEFORE you ride it. (I wouldn't even ride it home, have a friend do it...so you can honestly tell her you haven't ridden it). As I said, my mom almost moved out when I got my bike. I told her I was looking at them (and she didn't say anything), and I had my dads support, so I bought one. When she flipped out so severely, I put it up for sale. We ended up talking things through (VERY slowly), and she has finally accepted it to the point that I have actually seen her playing with my helmet (the vents opening and closing and stuff). She still hates it, and to help easy her I ride as little as possible, but she has somewhat accepted that it is something I want to do. I would just NOT ride it until she calms down about it. Just work on it and let her see it so it slowly sinks in. I'm warning you though it could take a while. When I put mine up for sale (high priced so it wouldn't sell fast), it took her almost 6 weeks to finally come around. So if you have to have it, I'd suggest that route rather then hiding it.
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September 14th, 2009, 05:13 AM | #80 |
Cat herder
Name: Gort
Location: A secret lair which, being secret, has an undisclosed location
Join Date: May 2009 Motorcycle(s): Aprilia RS660 Posts: A lot.
Blog Entries: 6
MOTM - Jul '18, Nov '16, Aug '14, May '13
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Try this one on for size:
Imagine reversing the attitudes here. What if there were something you REALLY didn't want your mom to do. Just as a hypothetical example, let's say she wanted to start hanging out with some real jerk, drinking heavily, doing drugs, dating a liberal, whatever. Just something that would really, really set you off. (Given your avatar, I figured the last one would really get you going. ) And you talked about it, and she promised not to do it. And she did it anyway and tried to cover it up. How would YOU feel? Betrayed? Angry? Let down? Would you have a different and less positive view of your mom as a person? I think you might. Once you've polluted the relationship like this, it's really, really hard to get the trust back. If you do this, you're going to change your life and her life and not in a good way, and it will have NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BIKE. It will have to do with trust. |
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