July 27th, 2011, 03:40 AM | #41 |
ninjette.org member
Name: Matt
Location: Bali
Join Date: Dec 2010 Motorcycle(s): 1965 Honda S90 , 2010 Ninja 250,2012 Vespa LX 150(Yes,a vespa!) Posts: 177
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Hi Sean,hope it feels better you got the first conflict over with,no matter how much it hurt its gonna be the first of many steps in a long process but you seem to have a sensible attitude,like you said there are some things that there is just no coming back from & like me,it could save you a lot of heartache in the future.
Talk to as many friends & family as you possibly can & dont blame yourself,like they say..it takes 2 to tango,we are all responsible for our decisions. While we may not be perfect,if you can believe that you did the best you possibly could during your time together,thats something to be proud of. Not much else i can tell you mate,other than we CAN get through these hard times,ask for help & you will get loads,appreciate time with your kids. |
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July 27th, 2011, 04:10 AM | #42 |
ninjette.org member
Name: Jeremy
Location: Hawaii
Join Date: Feb 2010 Motorcycle(s): None yet Posts: 108
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Everything is your fault, this is something she has convinced herself of to justify the infidelity and she'll never change her mind on it because it would require her to admit that she is at fault, so expect to hear it a lot. And before you even think for a second that she'll change, she won't. People don't change unless they can take responsibility for their actions, and infidelity is a great big sign that they aren't willing to do that. If she justified it once, she will justify it again. Whoever created the problems that caused this is irrelevant, she chose to destroy the marriage instead of fixing it, that's not your fault, it's hers.
Get a lawyer, a good one, and fight tooth and nail for your kids. She's obviously deemed her own needs to be greater than the needs of her family and that mentality will be taken out on your kids. Find someone to vent to. Not someone who's going to tell you this or that, but someone that is just going to let you vent. Situations like this are the ones that really identify who your friends are. As far as telling her about the emails, bad move. Her lawyer can nail you to the wall over stuff like that. If you have to snoop, which I don't blame you for in the least, don't get caught. Having unanswered questions and being lied to by someone you have completely trusted is almost as bad as it gets, I completely understand the feeling. Just remember that for every question that snooping answers, it will probably put another question in its place. |
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July 27th, 2011, 06:23 AM | #43 | |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Sean
Location: Mary Esther, FL
Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2008 Ninja 250 1998 HD Road King Posts: A lot.
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July 27th, 2011, 07:58 AM | #44 | |
ModMy250.com
Name: Tri
Location: St, Louis
Join Date: Sep 2010 Motorcycle(s): 2009 Ninja 250R, 2005 R6 Posts: A lot.
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The www.ModMy250.com guy |
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July 27th, 2011, 08:18 AM | #45 |
ninjette.org sage
Name: Marc
Location: Crawfordville, Florida
Join Date: Jan 2010 Motorcycle(s): 2005 Suzuki S50, 2006 Kawasaki Ninja EX250F, 1990 Honda PC800, 2000 Yamaha TW200 Posts: 848
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I told you, others told you, that this would happen. She is going to blame YOU for everything, that you destroyed your marriage and pushed her to find "love" elsewhere, because you rejected her or treated her badly. Do not fall for that at all, that kind of projection is part of the sociopathic personality disorder of people who try and justify their cheating.
When I confronted my spouse about this same conduct, and she said "I have no remorse, no regrets, no qualms, get over it, it was the best year of my life", as bad as that was to hear that come out of her mouth, it was the most positive turning point in my life at the time because I realized my only fault was in trusting her, in loving her, and being so totally devoted to her I was losing my own life. That was the nail in the coffin for our marriage and I now knew how important it was to get her out of my life as quickly as possible. Even though that was a real traumatic shocker, it was a revelation, one of the happiest moments when I realized that, and definitely the happiest when the divorce was finalized and it was all over, like a gigantic relief. It was almost like saying to her back than "thank you for telling me that" (not really, what I wanted to hear was "I'm sorry, help me. Help me save our marriage"). One absolute warning for you - do not get into any confrontations with her at all - no arguing, yelling, throwing stuff - get away from that. She will call the police and you will be arrested for domestic abuse or she will get a court order to have you removed from your own house. 99% of the time, the wife wins in these arguments or complaints and you will have to leave. Try to avoid her if possible, talk as little as possible, only about your daughter maybe, not about the problem between the two of you. That's why you have a lawyer. It will have to be settled where each of you sleeps, but don't talk about other crap. The "victim" in an affair, the betrayed spouse, has this insatiable urge to hear every detail, every meeting, how it started, who is this, where did you go, how many times did you "do" it, etc. Do not discuss this with her unless the two of you want to go to some real serious intensive counseling and she is willing to bear all as are you. It will only lead to a fight. Go onto that BAN website I posted before and read about affairs. Get your lawyer to file a complaint for divorce ASAP. You will be relieved, the process will begin, and you will tell her you are real serious about this. Like I have on my FB page - "It is better to have loved and lost then to live the rest of your life with a psycho". |
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July 27th, 2011, 08:30 AM | #46 |
n00b
Name: Jorge
Location: Perris, CA
Join Date: Jul 2011 Motorcycle(s): Blue 2010 Ninja 250 Posts: 581
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Good luck through all of this man. Keep your head up and stay strong and you will come out better off in the end. It sucks and it hurts like hell, the worst parts are when you're alone or not doing anything and all the thoughts start coming into your head.
The best advice I can give you is to remind yourself that you will be better off in the end and to keep pushing through all the pain and trouble. I know we don't know each other personally or anything like that but if you ever need someone to vent to who won't judge you at all, feel free to hit me up. Good luck man, we're all here for you. |
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July 27th, 2011, 09:02 AM | #47 | |
ninjette.org member
Name: Binh
Location: N. Cali
Join Date: Oct 2010 Motorcycle(s): 2010 ninja 250 Posts: 85
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July 27th, 2011, 10:55 AM | #48 |
ninjette.org sage
Name: Marc
Location: Crawfordville, Florida
Join Date: Jan 2010 Motorcycle(s): 2005 Suzuki S50, 2006 Kawasaki Ninja EX250F, 1990 Honda PC800, 2000 Yamaha TW200 Posts: 848
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Another thought that sometimes pops up - you can always call Anthony and Vinnie from NJ and have them take care of the problem real quick, Then you'll feel better much faster.
(J/K, (A little joke every once in a while may relieve the sorrow and pain.) |
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July 27th, 2011, 11:23 AM | #49 | |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Sean
Location: Mary Esther, FL
Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2008 Ninja 250 1998 HD Road King Posts: A lot.
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The jokes do help |
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July 27th, 2011, 12:54 PM | #50 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Sean
Location: Mary Esther, FL
Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2008 Ninja 250 1998 HD Road King Posts: A lot.
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July 27th, 2011, 01:11 PM | #51 |
Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: Too much.
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Sean,
sorry to hear you're going through this. everyone has given you some great advice. mine is something that I've not seen covered yet, but my advice is to go and see a psychologist/psychiatrist for your mental health. They say going through a divorce is right up there as a stressor with losing a family member. This is a time that you need to function with a clear a mind that the situation will allow. Avoid confiding in friends and family... you never know how bad the advice they are giving until it's too late. A professional has seen/heard it all and can help you on the road to mental health recovery in what is to be a long period of adjustment and self realizations. If you have health insurance, you pay only the co-payment out of a $200 session... and you will have many sessions to resolve your feelings. Take care to protect "yourself" for it is only when you are clear about what you are doing that you can proceed in a manner that will reflect actions that will protect you and your daughter in the future. And remember... in divorce, it's "kids first". How you and your (soon to be ex) wife handle it will reflect deeply in the coming years for your daughter. Trust me on this one. gl... you'll need it. |
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July 27th, 2011, 02:17 PM | #52 | |
ModMy250.com
Name: Tri
Location: St, Louis
Join Date: Sep 2010 Motorcycle(s): 2009 Ninja 250R, 2005 R6 Posts: A lot.
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The www.ModMy250.com guy |
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July 27th, 2011, 03:35 PM | #53 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Sean
Location: Mary Esther, FL
Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2008 Ninja 250 1998 HD Road King Posts: A lot.
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July 27th, 2011, 06:59 PM | #54 |
ModMy250.com
Name: Tri
Location: St, Louis
Join Date: Sep 2010 Motorcycle(s): 2009 Ninja 250R, 2005 R6 Posts: A lot.
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LoL. Sorry, I should have deleted the irrelevant parts of the quote.
__________________________________________________
The www.ModMy250.com guy |
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July 28th, 2011, 07:10 AM | #55 |
ninjette.org sage
Name: Marc
Location: Crawfordville, Florida
Join Date: Jan 2010 Motorcycle(s): 2005 Suzuki S50, 2006 Kawasaki Ninja EX250F, 1990 Honda PC800, 2000 Yamaha TW200 Posts: 848
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Vent out on here and let your thoughts loose on here. Don't discuss this with your "friends", don't badmouth your "ex" to anyone, don't tell your boss, coworkers, bartender what's going on in your life, maybe not even your family right now. That's what us ninjas and ninjettes are for.
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July 28th, 2011, 07:06 PM | #56 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Sean
Location: Mary Esther, FL
Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2008 Ninja 250 1998 HD Road King Posts: A lot.
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Done feeling sorry for my self and being blamed. I didn't do a thing wrong. I didn't betray my relationship. People make mistakes. Live and learn or curl up into a ball and have a pity party. I'm done. If she would have the courage to do it once and then tell me I truely think I could have taken her back. I am done trying to figure out what happened. Nobody deserves this kind of pain. I was in a dark place the last 48 hours. I haven't eaten hardly anything since I found out. But sure as the sun will rise in the morning I am done with this garbage. If not for the advice of my family and friends (everyone here qualifies as both) I most certainly would still be in that hell hole this woman made. Thanks for throwing me a line. The only thing I am looking forward to is a conclusion to this time in my life. Whether it's tomorrow or next year it will come. In the meantime tell the people in your life you love 'em
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July 28th, 2011, 07:16 PM | #57 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Rick
Location: Alexandria, Louisiana
Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 05 Blue Ninja 250 Posts: Too much.
MOTY - 2017, MOTM - Jan '19, Oct '16, May '14
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You have a great attitude towards all of this and are an inspiration to live by.
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July 28th, 2011, 07:50 PM | #58 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Rick
Location: Alexandria, Louisiana
Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 05 Blue Ninja 250 Posts: Too much.
MOTY - 2017, MOTM - Jan '19, Oct '16, May '14
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That is great advice drsketch. Excercising is good for the body and mind. Endorphines are a natural high.
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July 28th, 2011, 08:31 PM | #59 |
ninjette.org member
Name: Jeremy
Location: Hawaii
Join Date: Feb 2010 Motorcycle(s): None yet Posts: 108
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July 28th, 2011, 09:10 PM | #60 |
ninjette.org member
Name: Matt
Location: Bali
Join Date: Dec 2010 Motorcycle(s): 1965 Honda S90 , 2010 Ninja 250,2012 Vespa LX 150(Yes,a vespa!) Posts: 177
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Hahaha,some great advice,but evil.
You could always blow a wad on a holiday in Bali,you could be the only person ever allowed to ride the Ninja. Great to see you being so positive.Keep your chin up,enjoy time with your child,they can make you not only appreciate every minute you have but also forget about the crap for a while. Good travellin to you bro. |
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July 29th, 2011, 01:14 AM | #61 | |
ninjette.org sage
Name: aj
Location: New York / PA
Join Date: Jul 2009 Motorcycle(s): Red 09 Ninja 250r aka Sheila (RIP), Red '10 Ninja 250r aka Sasha (Sold), White '13 Ninja 300 (To be Purchased) Posts: 855
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Quote:
You're stronger than I could've been in the same situation. Don't be afraid to vent, we'll be with you till the end and then even further.
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July 29th, 2011, 08:22 AM | #62 | |
ninjette.org sage
Name: Chris
Location: Arkansas
Join Date: May 2011 Motorcycle(s): EX250J Posts: 511
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Quote:
Though I admire the attitude, and it is the correct one to have, you are in for a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Anger will only carry you so far. You will have your days where you doubt yourself and almost every decision you've made. It's completely normal and you aren't alone. Re-establish relationships with friends and family that may have deteriorated during your marriage. I think I might be OCD, because everytime a serious relationship has ended, I've gone on a tear to improve myself. Last time, I dropped 30 pounds from lost appetite, got in shape and started riding motorcycles I take failure in a relationship as a chance to re-invent myself and take steps toward who I really want to be. [snark] If I hadn't had my heart broken a couple of times, I probably wouldn't be the awesome individual I am today [/snark] Seriously though, your wife did you a favor, and she won't be there to reap the benefits. tough sh** |
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July 29th, 2011, 08:46 AM | #63 |
ninjette.org Monkey Spank
Name: Kevin
Location: Illinois
Join Date: Apr 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2008 250R Track-Bike Woodcraft clip-ons and rearsets FZ-6 track bike Posts: A lot.
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I find it best to stay out of other peoples personal lives.
That being said. Dont worry be happy
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Black 250R Full Area P QC Dyno Jet Kit 100 main 41T Rear Sprocket |
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August 5th, 2011, 11:05 AM | #64 |
ninjette.org sage
Name: Chris
Location: Arkansas
Join Date: May 2011 Motorcycle(s): EX250J Posts: 511
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so, uhmmm, what happened here? any updates?
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August 5th, 2011, 11:22 AM | #65 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Sean
Location: Mary Esther, FL
Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2008 Ninja 250 1998 HD Road King Posts: A lot.
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Doing paperwork. It should be this hard to get married, not divorced. I think my wife is mad that she has failed in her attempt to get me to fly off the handle so she can call the cops. You would think that a cheating spouse would be enough to send someone into a rage but after the initial shock wore off I couldn't be any more calm. Once everything is finished I'll post back up
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http://sandollarmotorcycleclub.com/ |
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August 5th, 2011, 11:49 AM | #66 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Bobbert
Location: Russell Springs, KY
Join Date: Jul 2011 Motorcycle(s): 2006 Ninja 250R Posts: A lot.
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As Dr. Phil says, "I'd rather live on the street in a cardboard box and be happy than spend the rest of my life with someone who makes me miserable".
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August 5th, 2011, 01:19 PM | #67 |
ninjette.org sage
Name: Alex
Location: michigan
Join Date: Jul 2011 Motorcycle(s): 2008 Ninja 250r Posts: 784
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*tosses a rope down the hole and pulls sean out* you'll find it very light out here.
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August 9th, 2011, 10:16 AM | #68 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Whodat
Location: Ware Is.,MA
Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): I pass the wind! Posts: A lot.
MOTM - Mar '13, Jun '14
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This gives new light to rentals. Have your fun and tell them to leave.
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If everything seems under control; you're just not going fast enough! |
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August 11th, 2011, 07:14 AM | #69 | |
ninjette.org sage
Name: Marc
Location: Crawfordville, Florida
Join Date: Jan 2010 Motorcycle(s): 2005 Suzuki S50, 2006 Kawasaki Ninja EX250F, 1990 Honda PC800, 2000 Yamaha TW200 Posts: 848
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Quote:
On a lighter note (needed), from today's paper-- |
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August 11th, 2011, 07:29 AM | #70 |
ninjette.org sage
Name: Chris
Location: Arkansas
Join Date: May 2011 Motorcycle(s): EX250J Posts: 511
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I remember something of a joke based on a true story that a guy was told by a court he had to give his wife half of everything. So he went home to their trailer and chainsawed the trailer in half.
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August 17th, 2011, 06:15 PM | #71 |
ninjette.org member
Name: Brooke
Location: Northwest Florida
Join Date: Aug 2011 Motorcycle(s): 2009 Blue Ninja 250, 2009 White Vespa S 150 Posts: 28
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December 10th, 2011, 07:22 PM | #72 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Sean
Location: Mary Esther, FL
Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2008 Ninja 250 1998 HD Road King Posts: A lot.
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update: Should be done on Monday We did the mediation thing last week. I will be buying her out of her half on the house, pay some of her lawyer fee and she gets half of a pityful retirement account. All I need is the judge to sign the paperwork and I'm done. We agreed on 50/50 custody with me paying child support. My lawyer said it was fair and that I actually got out fairly cheap.
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http://sandollarmotorcycleclub.com/ |
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December 10th, 2011, 08:56 PM | #73 | |
Jigglin' your Jiglets
Name: Sean
Location: San Jose, Ca
Join Date: Jun 2011 Motorcycle(s): 2009 K1300S, 2013 Ninja 300, 2011 Ninja 250R, Faster than Unregistered's ninjette Posts: Too much.
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MOTM - Apr '13
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Quote:
When my dad when through his divorce (previous wife he is still with my mom) he had to pay child support, regardless of the fact that she made MORE money than he did. Never understood it. Never want to get married. Good luck man, I'm sure the house is much more peaceful now
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If the Ninja 250 doesn't have enough power for you, then you don't know how to ride it. AFM #676 Supersports are for n00bs |
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December 10th, 2011, 09:50 PM | #74 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: John
Location: Illinois
Join Date: Aug 2011 Motorcycle(s): None yet, yet. Posts: A lot.
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How are your kid(s) handling it?
I realized my mom prints out checks and noticed one of them was for $500 labeled "child support". At least you seem to be doing okay. My dad got married twice and then divorced a second time when he threw a wine bottle at his wife. She changed the locks on the house and now dad is living with grandma. What a waste of money.
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The Rush is Addictive |
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December 13th, 2011, 06:55 PM | #75 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Sean
Location: Mary Esther, FL
Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2008 Ninja 250 1998 HD Road King Posts: A lot.
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The judge signed the papers this afternoon. Officially divorced! Thought I would be happy but I'm not. I liked being married, but it takes two to make it work so starting the next chapter fresh. I think I'll attempt the diy valve inspection to help take my mind off this whole mess. Thanks to all who had kind words. All the advice was much appreciated.
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http://sandollarmotorcycleclub.com/ |
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December 13th, 2011, 07:09 PM | #76 | |
Blind 250 Loving Whore
Name: Tom
Location: Chesapeake, VA
Join Date: May 2011 Motorcycle(s): 2008 250R, 02 FZ1, '20 Fat Bob 114 Posts: A lot.
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Someone say post-divorce Ninja mods for cool single dad? |
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December 13th, 2011, 07:15 PM | #77 | |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: .
Location: .
Join Date: Feb 2011 Motorcycle(s): . Posts: Too much.
MOTM - Feb '13, Feb '14
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Quote:
since you're paying child support, I would assume that means that the kids normally live with her and you just visit/pick them up right? If she was the one who cheated and the one who kicked one of your children out of their own bed every night and is the one who no longer owns the house where the kids are the most comfortable and will be least out of routine, why do the kids not live with you? How on earth did she argue that one? The court system is set up for cheating husbands, not cheating wives. The sad part of it is, cheating wives normally go uncaught at cheating for longer than men do. Infidelity SUCKS; it's a true kick to the groin. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. But kudos for being a champ about the whole thing at least you're able to move onto the next chapter of your life with as little scarring as possible |
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December 13th, 2011, 08:57 PM | #78 | |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Sean
Location: Mary Esther, FL
Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2008 Ninja 250 1998 HD Road King Posts: A lot.
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Quote:
The court system in Florida doesn't give a rats a** about anybody cheating. It's a no fault state. I got lucky (if you could call it that) because my ex agreed to mediation rather than letting a judge decide. To her fault, she should have gone with the judge because face it, husbands a majority of the time get the shaft. I could have ended up paying/losing alot more.
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http://sandollarmotorcycleclub.com/ |
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December 13th, 2011, 08:58 PM | #79 |
ninjette.org certified postwhore
Name: Sean
Location: Mary Esther, FL
Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2008 Ninja 250 1998 HD Road King Posts: A lot.
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Oh Hell Yeah
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http://sandollarmotorcycleclub.com/ |
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December 14th, 2011, 02:42 AM | #80 | |
ninjette.org guru
Name: Domagoj
Location: Rijeka, Croatia
Join Date: Aug 2010 Motorcycle(s): Ninja 250r 2009 Posts: 396
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Quote:
I don't want to make you feel bad, but... First, there are the "physichal" issues of having to have everything double, or having to move in and move out every week. And second, much more worse actually, is having to adopt to the new environment every week. In a few months most of the things (meaning: routines, behavioral patterns in the first place, and then real actual things like the milk or juice or food, or tv channels, or the speed of broadband or the type of matresses) you had in common with your now ex are probably going to dissapear, and as much as I can tell from your posts she already is someone completely different. If I were your daughter, I would not be comfortable switching lifestyles every week. I did not catch how old your daughter is, but some things need to be constant in a life of a child. If she is over 20 that's another story, but I have a feeling she is not. |
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