psychologist

[SLOWn60]

Originally Posted by csmith12

Do you have a pet companion Koala?

The best listeners on the planet are those born of 4 legs, their love is completely unconditional and their loyalty is unbreakable. ijs....


ps... don't get a cat, they are a**holes

Yup: she has a cat. Apparently she motorboats his hairy belly! Lucky bastard!
...Maybe I should rub this Rogain on my belly instead of my head!

[jkv45]

Originally Posted by JohnnyBravo

Yup... An took me to the mental health people, that just let me go and I had to find my own way back home

Jeez - first the police show-up then that. The system doesn't work well, and our vets should be treated better.

I'm hoping everything is resolved now.

Thanks for your service.

[JohnnyBravo]

Originally Posted by jkv45

Jeez - first the police show-up then that. The system doesn't work well, and our vets should be treated better.

I'm hoping everything is resolved now.

Thanks for your service.

You're welcome!


This was before the army, crazy drunken breakup night

[DEFY]

This one time at band camp......

[Snake]

Originally Posted by DEFY

This one time at band camp......

Was there a trumpet involved lol?

[DEFY]

Originally Posted by Snake

Was there a trumpet involved lol?

I perfer them french

[snot]

You don't have to answer: about how old are you? Under 30 or over?

I ask because of the career question.

All I ever wanted was to play outside. So, I am in the Health and safety field. I can move about somewhat freely at work.

It is never to late to go back to school or switch careers.

Come out and join one of our get togethers, good friends might be helpful too... Non judging good friends,

[SLOWn60]

Originally Posted by snot

You don't have to answer: about how old are you? Under 30 or over?

I ask because of the career question.

All I ever wanted was to play outside. So, I am On the Health and safety field. I can move about somewhat freely at work.

Without scrolling through everything; I'm pretty sure she said she was 30ish

[Koala]

Yes, my kitty is the best friend I've ever had. He's been with me for 16 years now.

ps csmith12, never get a dog....they're needy pussies

RacinNinja, that would be really nice if she would

Now now SLOWn60, I suppose I could give some motorboat attention to my non fluffy friends just this once

I love the whole forensic psych thing. Psychology itself was always an interest (many many people get into it in hopes of fighting their own demons) but then there are so many avenues you can take with the forensic side. Work for the FBI like Clarice in Silence of the Lambs, work for police departments, or private practice.

[Koala]

Originally Posted by snot

You don't have to answer: about how old are you? Under 30 or over?

I ask because of the career question.

All I ever wanted was to play outside. So, I am On the Health and safety field. I can move about somewhat freely at work.

It is never to late to go back to school or switch careers.

Come out and join one of our get togethers, good friends might be helpful too... Non judging good friends,

Just turned 35 on the 2nd.

[SLOWn60]

(Not the 35 part! I'd feel like I was robbing the cradle!)

[RacinNinja]

Ok, I'll ask her if she can find out what she knows! She's changing jobs in two weeks also so there may be more information available when she switches jobs to a larger place.

[Koala]

just a random post here....was texting with Defy and the subject of dreams came up since I had a couple recurring ones last night. Thinking about what I've experienced in my dreams, I wondered about a link between types of dreams and depression - specifically bipolar II disorder. I did a quick look around the net and found some info, but I won't post my thoughts on that until I read more.

Dreams to me have always been important. I think the human brain is capable of things that most people can't even begin to comprehend and some of these "abilities" show through in our dreams.

I've had recurring dreams throughout my life. Dreams that each time I have them, I know I've been there before and am able to continue on my journey in the dream even if only for a short time. I also have dreams that I visit the same places and people, though it's not the same exact dream I've had before like the others are.

I once scared my ex by telling him that to me Deja Vu is when you've dreamed something and then it happens in real life. Though it hasn't happened in several years, I've had it happen a few times and it remains quite detailed in my memory. When I told him this, he looked at me in a solemn and scared way "Don't ever dream about me." he said quietly.

I lucid dream/control my dreams, and once in awhile, often in times of great stress/anxiety, I have dreams that feel so real it's hard to describe. Dreams that don't feel like dreams, dreams that are in the moment, like something is trying to tell me something or show me something that I need to know.

How do you guys and gals feel about your dreams? How do you experience them? What do they mean to you?

[JohnnyBravo]

I dreamed I got lost in the mountains once... Got woke up to go to a family reunion; yup in the mountains... Went hiking a trail with a cousin; an wouldn't you know we got lost an they called out a rescue party ... Crazy crazy crazy

Happy birthday!!!

[RacinNinja]

Dreams.....I dream I fly. Sometimes like Neo from the Matrix, sometimes like IronMan, sometimes I just do it. The dreams I remember I'm in full control of myself. Most dreams I remember are from a game I've played that night before bed.....twisted up a little bit to fit real world things but still game elements nonetheless.

I don't have bad dreams, at least that I can remember. All my dreams are pleasant and non-stressful. Sometimes they have premonitional elements that I realize later but no full predictions. Interesting stuff indeed......

[allanoue]

When I dreamed I could fly it was like

Link to original page on YouTube.

[Koala]

I love the feeling of flying in a dream....when I do it's like in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. They didn't put the part about that in the movie, only in the book

[Koala]

I'm headed in the right direction, just got hired at Action Maids. No benefits but with the extra money I should be able to find me some mental help which is good. I start tomorrow I guess my fears of being looked down on for dancing and being a waitress at a gentlemen's club were unfounded. That really worried me.

[RacinNinja]

Originally Posted by Koala

I'm headed in the right direction, just got hired at Action Maids. No benefits but with the extra money I should be able to find me some mental help which is good. I start tomorrow I guess my fears of being looked down on for dancing and being a waitress at a gentlemen's club were unfounded. That really worried me.

A former dancer that I'm friends with now works for a very large national alcohol distributing company. It won't slow you down unless you let it.

[Koala]

I guess it's because of how I was treated at the first job I got after moving to Ohio. I worked as a driver at a major car wash for 6 years. I busted my bum for the place and really enjoyed working there but when I started working at the club everything changed. My ex had told me not to let the guys know I was working there because they would treat me differently but I blew it off. The guys didn't care, they thought it was cool, but the manager started treating me like crap and the owner just fell in line with his behavior. They tried to say it wasn't because of where I was working but that's all it could have been. I was still coming in at 7am and working my bum off until 6pm, doing the same great job on cars that I always did but they treated me different.

[RacinNinja]

Originally Posted by Koala

I guess it's because of how I was treated at the first job I got after moving to Ohio. I worked as a driver at a major car wash for 6 years. I busted my bum for the place and really enjoyed working there but when I started working at the club everything changed. My ex had told me not to let the guys know I was working there because they would treat me differently but I blew it off. The guys didn't care, they thought it was cool, but the manager started treating me like crap and the owner just fell in line with his behavior. They tried to say it wasn't because of where I was working but that's all it could have been. I was still coming in at 7am and working my bum off until 6pm, doing the same great job on cars that I always did but they treated me different.

Given that you live in the Bible Belt (close enough to it, anyway), I'm not at all surprised. A lot of men are assholes about stuff like that. A lot of us are assholes in general. Especially when they have customers who may recognize you.

Do you live in a small town? If so, the manager may have been afraid of word spreading quickly that he had a dancer working for him. Not that it excuses their behavior but it may explain it, especially if he was a "good" god fearing man.

[Snake]

@Koala Please know that all of us here are nonjudgmental and support your efforts at improving your life.

[allanoue]

Originally Posted by Snake

@Koala Please know that all of us here are nonjudgmental and support your efforts at improving your life.

A few stop by but never stay long

[Koala]

awe, thanks for the support, guys

The owner of the place wasn't a bible thumper at all, the manager was super religious but not usually an a** about it. He cussed and made crude jokes and what not with the rest of us. That's why it kind of surprised me the way he reacted but it's all under the bridge now. I found out what kind of a d-bag he really was when I made the mistake of swallowing my pride and begged to come back after the fire that closed the club down. That's when I said screw it and just went to dancing full time.

[CaliGrrl]

Congrats on your new job!

As far as dreams go, I've recorded mine for a lot of years and sometimes they make sense. The pattern is the closer my dreams are to real life (people or locations that I know), I know I'm on a good track in life. I often dream about work or about motorcycles. I've never managed lucid dreaming, but I think it's fascinating.

[SLOWn60]

I'll be dreaming of French Maids, Koala!

Congrats on the new job but do I understand you'll be doing 2 jobs?
If so; you probably know the dangers of burnout & stress! You need downtime as much as money!

[Koala]

lol, thank you thank you

I will be doing two jobs but nothing hard core. My usual fri-sun at the bar and then I was told it's usually around 30 hours or so for the cleaning service. When I was at the car wash and the club I was working anywhere from 30 to 54 hours at the wash and then 3 nights at the club. the first week I was exhausted but after that I ran on pure adrenaline. At least with the bar I have the choice if I want to go in or not and how long I want to stay.

I've thought about recording my dreams before but never have. The ones that seem so real to me that I think are trying to tell me something stick in my head in detail without writing them down. Even the normal dreams stick with me quite a bit. I frequently dream of tornadoes or being in a house in the dark where I feel a bad presence but when I go to turn the lightswitch they won't come on, stuff like that.

As for lucid dreaming, if you would like to try it there are tricks that can work. I often lucid dream where I just know I'm dreaming but controlling them is another ball game. I have to fall asleep with the intent to do so in my mind and then it usually happens.

[Whiskey]

Originally Posted by JohnnyBravo

No... I'm a ghost now man... Been dead for a couple of years

I was drunk an wanted to talk; they were the police an wanting to lick me up

Sounds like you lot had some fun...

Originally Posted by Koala

just a random post here....was texting with Defy and the subject of dreams came up since I had a couple recurring ones last night. Thinking about what I've experienced in my dreams, I wondered about a link between types of dreams and depression - specifically bipolar II disorder. I did a quick look around the net and found some info, but I won't post my thoughts on that until I read more.

Dreams to me have always been important. I think the human brain is capable of things that most people can't even begin to comprehend and some of these "abilities" show through in our dreams.

I've had recurring dreams throughout my life. Dreams that each time I have them, I know I've been there before and am able to continue on my journey in the dream even if only for a short time. I also have dreams that I visit the same places and people, though it's not the same exact dream I've had before like the others are.

I once scared my ex by telling him that to me Deja Vu is when you've dreamed something and then it happens in real life. Though it hasn't happened in several years, I've had it happen a few times and it remains quite detailed in my memory. When I told him this, he looked at me in a solemn and scared way "Don't ever dream about me." he said quietly.

I lucid dream/control my dreams, and once in awhile, often in times of great stress/anxiety, I have dreams that feel so real it's hard to describe. Dreams that don't feel like dreams, dreams that are in the moment, like something is trying to tell me something or show me something that I need to know.

How do you guys and gals feel about your dreams? How do you experience them? What do they mean to you?

You've said a few things in other posts that sound like me, small circle, on & off depression, sometimes it feels like just surviving rather than living, no bullshit or fakery.

I've had the deja vu dreams, and the ones telling me things that I know, but don't know that I know them. Your subconcious is trying to tell you something, the question is do you trust it or not... but you may end up kicking yourself if you go either way on it...

Depression is a truly ****ed up disease, for me first thing it tries is to break my will/ability to fight it, then it really gets the claws in. I try to think through it, I know it's highlighting the worst, twisting and hiding the better things, before I talk to some of the people I really trust, take what they say as the real message, your brain will try to twist it back on you.

I don't know if that's any help to you, but you're not the only one fighting it.

[Koala]

Originally Posted by Whiskey

Sounds like you lot had some fun...



You've said a few things in other posts that sound like me, small circle, on & off depression, sometimes it feels like just surviving rather than living, no bullshit or fakery.

I've had the deja vu dreams, and the ones telling me things that I know, but don't know that I know them. Your subconcious is trying to tell you something, the question is do you trust it or not... but you may end up kicking yourself if you go either way on it...

Depression is a truly ****ed up disease, for me first thing it tries is to break my will/ability to fight it, then it really gets the claws in. I try to think through it, I know it's highlighting the worst, twisting and hiding the better things, before I talk to some of the people I really trust, take what they say as the real message, your brain will try to twist it back on you.

I don't know if that's any help to you, but you're not the only one fighting it.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that has these experiences with the dreams because usually if I tell someone about it they act like I'm nuts. I know I'm lil crazy in some ways (we all are, I think) but I don't belong in a nuthouse.

Depression does break you down and it's soooo hard to get out of it sometimes. It's weird with me, I can go months being fine sometimes and then out of the blue it comes back. Then I go back to being up and down like a yo yo. It will just hit me out of nowhere like a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and I never know how long it's going to last. It can last a couple days or a couple hours and then I'm up and talking like the micro machine man and being my odd lil psycho self (at least, what I always thought was just myself, apparently what I experience in those phases are just symptoms of the bi-polar) before I level out again for a stretch.

Right now I'm on an okay stretch, I've been distracted by my new day job and being sick with a nasty nasty cold (finally starting to get better). The okay stretches don't last as long as they used to because since my ex dude I have so many triggers now but I try to just go with the flow because that's all I can do. Sometimes it's hard and I just randomly cry at things and others it's easier. I hit my rock bottom already (at least I hope, if there is anything lower than what I hit than I don't know if I can make it out, cuz it was never ending).

It does help to know that there are others out there like me, especially on this forum. It's nice to have support and give it as well. I've always been the one everybody came to rely on with their problems, their shoulder to cry on. People just don't know how hard that is when you yourself have nobody to rely on but I was always there anyway. Even if it gave me the thoughts later on of "but what about me??? how come when I need someone, nobody is there?"

Everyone in this thread has been here for me in my time of need and I'm super thankful for it. While I might be a lil messed up in the head, I am here for anyone who may need it themselves.

[snot]

The pay isn't always the best but in auto manufacturing they hire people from all walks of life. Insurance is available but the pay is usually low to start.
Just something to think about.

[Whiskey]

Originally Posted by Koala

I'm glad I'm not the only one that has these experiences with the dreams because usually if I tell someone about it they act like I'm nuts. I know I'm lil crazy in some ways (we all are, I think) but I don't belong in a nuthouse.

Depression does break you down and it's soooo hard to get out of it sometimes. It's weird with me, I can go months being fine sometimes and then out of the blue it comes back. Then I go back to being up and down like a yo yo. It will just hit me out of nowhere like a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and I never know how long it's going to last. It can last a couple days or a couple hours and then I'm up and talking like the micro machine man and being my odd lil psycho self (at least, what I always thought was just myself, apparently what I experience in those phases are just symptoms of the bi-polar) before I level out again for a stretch.

Right now I'm on an okay stretch, I've been distracted by my new day job and being sick with a nasty nasty cold (finally starting to get better). The okay stretches don't last as long as they used to because since my ex dude I have so many triggers now but I try to just go with the flow because that's all I can do. Sometimes it's hard and I just randomly cry at things and others it's easier. I hit my rock bottom already (at least I hope, if there is anything lower than what I hit than I don't know if I can make it out, cuz it was never ending).

It does help to know that there are others out there like me, especially on this forum. It's nice to have support and give it as well. I've always been the one everybody came to rely on with their problems, their shoulder to cry on. People just don't know how hard that is when you yourself have nobody to rely on but I was always there anyway. Even if it gave me the thoughts later on of "but what about me??? how come when I need someone, nobody is there?"

Everyone in this thread has been here for me in my time of need and I'm super thankful for it. While I might be a lil messed up in the head, I am here for anyone who may need it themselves.

'Normal' people are boring

You've hit it on the head there, the stomach just feels like it's dropped (just like going over a hump-back bridge at pace) and I know I'm sunk for the next while, but don't know how long for.

I can generally hide it when in public, but occasionally the mask can start to slip, when I feel it start to go i concentrate on steady deep breaths, get through the next 10 seconds, 30 seconds, minute, and the next 2 minutes... then try to find one of my mates for a random chat.

I'm the same with being the one everyone can talk to, and know it will never get out.

[Koala]

I'm sitting here right now wishing I could just change whatever is wrong with me. I've been up and down this last week or so. Fine during the day but then I get home and I just grab my comfy thermal shirt that used to be his and get in it and my jammies and go to bed at like 7. Just sleeping the evenings away to get away from it all. I had a great day to day, I'm up for being the assistant manager at my cleaning office and today was the first day I ran it on my own. It went smooth for the most part (the hiccups weren't from me), came home and enjoyed a hilarious episode of Will & Grace, got my makeup on for work tonight and just couldn't bring myself to go. I don't want to go deal with people and act all happy and make fake conversation, it doesn't matter to me that I could make good money tonight, I just want to curl up in my thermal and jammies and go to bed I don't feel depressed the way I did last night and the night before, just down and not ready to face the world. I wish I could just stop my brain sometimes and ignore everything I feel and be numb.

[allanoue]

Trash the thermal shirt and anything else that reminds you of him

[Motofool]

Originally Posted by Koala

I'm sitting here right now wishing I could just change whatever is wrong with me............ Just sleeping the evenings away to get away from it all............I don't feel depressed the way I did last night and the night before, just down and not ready to face the world. I wish I could just stop my brain sometimes and ignore everything I feel and be numb.

Very sorry to read that you are feeling bad, Koala.

If your day job makes you feel better than your night job, you need to find the reasons that your mind has to dislike the bar work.

It seems that the source of your anguish is the contradiction between "what it should be" and "what actually is".
All that intellectual comparing process contributes to keep the contradiction alive.
The more you think on the wrong direction, the worst it gets.

It is important that you understand that everything is happening inside your head; regardless the severity of the actual problems you have to deal with.
The stimuli are real and you don't have control over them; the reactions depend entirely on the current state of your mind (not the strongest at this moment), your attitude, your resolution to be happier and as much in peace and in harmony with your environment and circumstances as possible.

Easier said than done, I very well know; but only you have the key and only your effort to change direction can bring relief.
Try to align your job with your personality and emotional needs.
Surround yourself with cheerful people; those who see the beauty of being alive.
Feel more, think less.

[Motofool]

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

- Max Ehrmann, 1927.

[Koala]

allanoue, that's easier said then done. The stuff I have that gives me reminders of him gives me memories of the good times. The shirt for example is like a comfort blanket to me, it might sound odd, but it is. I've read stuff before that said to get rid of everything but then I would be getting rid of at least half my clothes, my car, etc. My depression does not always relate to him, it was here long before, now I just have lots of extra triggers in the real world/tv/music that have nothing to do with what I have laying around that he gave to me or bought for me.

Motofool, I'm not really a people person and I'm wondering if me having to be around people all day and dealing with customers at the cleaning job is leaving me mentally drained and not wanting to deal with people at the bar. I usually have fun once I get into it but the initial thought of having to be pretend happy and nice to people I don't know or do know but just don't give one crap about drags me down sometimes. That's what was going on last night. I just have to push that out of my head and go on with it anyways because it's the combination of the two jobs that are allowing me to achieve my goal of bike/new car/track days. I think alot of it is also insecurity about my body and looks. I have plenty of regulars that love me but comments that get made and the way the bartenders/bouncers (all male) act sometimes just gets under my skin and makes me feel self conscious and not confident. I just have to get out of my own head to get around that and work.

I love the post Max Ehrmann, I'm going to copy that down and post it on my fridge next to my other feel good stuff.

[ally99]

Journaling is a free kind of therapy that, when done regularly, can slow down your thinking and aid in processing your thoughts in a way you might not be able to imagine. Revisit past journals often. Write your heaviest of thoughts...or your lightest of them...and everything in between.

Take your Meyers-Briggs Inventory. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp Google your letter combination and learn about yourself...learn why you react and feel the way you do in situations. The more you know about yourself and understand yourself, the more secure you will be in who you are. It will help you start opening your eyes to others' differences and to be ok with your own idiosyncrasies.

Take time doing things that make you happy. Spend time alone in nature. Go hiking for a night, a week, 6 months...
After a helluva tough time in my life, these tools worked for me.

[allanoue]

It is very much easer said than done. Your ex is an addiction. When you were together, every time you saw him, you would get a dose of dopamine. Now you get that same rush from the reminders. I was married 20 years. I had a house full of happy memories. I could not get rid off all the reminders for a long time and for a long time I could not move on.

You need to stop feeding the addiction or you will not be able to move on.

[mnoob]

Hi Koala,
I hope you are doing better. I want to second the exercise and journaling recommendations. Getting your heart rate up is key: it really changes the brain biology and opens things up. Motorcycling is great, but frankly, running or bicycling is better. Journaling helps externalize thoughts and give you some perspective on them. In my experience meditating is even better for this, and it is something you can access at any time. It can help a person see the negative thoughts as just thoughts, something going through the mind that one can latch on to, or choose instead to just observe and let pass. It has worked wonders for me. If there are any meditation or buddhist centers in your area, their classes, dharma talks, or sessions should be free, as it is a Buddhist principle to give freely. Buddhism is not like a religion in the typical western way, it's very low key and non-coercive. I can also give you a couple hundred book recommendations, but the one to start with is probably "The Mindful Way Through Depression," which both explains the science behind meditation and offers some techniques, as well as a cd with guided meditations. It's by Jon Kabat-Zinn and 3 other psychologists.

Another thing to check out is a "warmline." These are non-crisis mental health helplines staffed by people who themselves have a mental health diagnosis, so they can relate to what most people calling are going through. Their purpose is just to provide someone to talk to that will actually "get" what you're going through when you need it. I only found one in Ohio, in Cincinnati, but I can't imagine they'd complain about a call from Akron.
Cincinnati warmline: (513) 931-WARM or (513) 931-9276

There is a walk-in counseling clinic in Akron, where you can just drop in to see someone. They are also able to help work out financial stuff and refer you to a therapist.
http://www.portagepath.org/expect/

(I volunteer at a crisis line, hence the referrals.)

I'm an introvert as well, so I totally get why you're wary of doing group stuff, but after many years of avoiding it, I started, and it's great. It really helps the feelings of isolation and being uniquely defective that often come with depression.

I found it helpful when someone asked me if I would ever say the things I tell myself to someone I cared about. Try to be a friend to yourself when you are suffering. You deserve it.

[Koala]

Originally Posted by mnoob

Hi Koala,
I hope you are doing better. I want to second the exercise and journaling recommendations. Getting your heart rate up is key: it really changes the brain biology and opens things up. Motorcycling is great, but frankly, running or bicycling is better. Journaling helps externalize thoughts and give you some perspective on them. In my experience meditating is even better for this, and it is something you can access at any time. It can help a person see the negative thoughts as just thoughts, something going through the mind that one can latch on to, or choose instead to just observe and let pass. It has worked wonders for me. If there are any meditation or buddhist centers in your area, their classes, dharma talks, or sessions should be free, as it is a Buddhist principle to give freely. Buddhism is not like a religion in the typical western way, it's very low key and non-coercive. I can also give you a couple hundred book recommendations, but the one to start with is probably "The Mindful Way Through Depression," which both explains the science behind meditation and offers some techniques, as well as a cd with guided meditations. It's by Jon Kabat-Zinn and 3 other psychologists.

Another thing to check out is a "warmline." These are non-crisis mental health helplines staffed by people who themselves have a mental health diagnosis, so they can relate to what most people calling are going through. Their purpose is just to provide someone to talk to that will actually "get" what you're going through when you need it. I only found one in Ohio, in Cincinnati, but I can't imagine they'd complain about a call from Akron.
Cincinnati warmline: (513) 931-WARM or (513) 931-9276

There is a walk-in counseling clinic in Akron, where you can just drop in to see someone. They are also able to help work out financial stuff and refer you to a therapist.
http://www.portagepath.org/expect/

(I volunteer at a crisis line, hence the referrals.)

I'm an introvert as well, so I totally get why you're wary of doing group stuff, but after many years of avoiding it, I started, and it's great. It really helps the feelings of isolation and being uniquely defective that often come with depression.

I found it helpful when someone asked me if I would ever say the things I tell myself to someone I cared about. Try to be a friend to yourself when you are suffering. You deserve it.

Thank you so much. I've looked at the portage path page and it sounds like something I might try. Also, I would have never known what a "warm line" is. I will try that first.

I used to exercise a lot. It does make me feel great afterwards. Just with my cleaning job now, I don't really have the energy at the end of the day to work out. I love zumba and it really kicks my butt when I get into it. I have been journaling, I started yesterday. Just trying to get my thoughts out of my head so it will stop spinning around in circles. It seems to be helping.