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Old December 12th, 2018, 02:50 AM   #1
Apex
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Going solo

I just kinda have to get this out there.

This place has always been a bit of a safe place for me. Good people tied together by a similar bond. The love for bikes.

So after years of being married it does look like things are coming to a close. It was harsh for a bit, but now things are being more civil. Talking through issues and agreeing to terms with no conflicts. It isn't easy having a little one, but I won't be far away. Maybe a 20-minute drive. Which helps. Plus I've been told that I can see her whenever I want, which helps too.

Just want the best for my little one. She deserves to have two happy parents, even if they don't live together.

Just had to vent this out a bit. I'm just glad I got a job before things started to crash down. I'll be taking my bike as much as I can to help clear my head. It will be crazy, especially this time of year. I do have a place lined up, back at my parents. They just a got a new home and have an apartment above the garage. I'll be there. Time to ditch a lot of junk and simplify my life as I take the first steps being solo again.

Thanks for letting me vent. Ride on my friends.
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Old December 12th, 2018, 03:37 AM   #2
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I’m glad to see the two of you have worked this out in a civil manner not only for your happiness but for the happiness of your Little one. During this difficult time be sure to let your feelings out to your family and close friends. Long bike rides to clear your mind will help as well.
Good luck and ride safe.
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Old December 12th, 2018, 07:03 AM   #3
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My cousin and his first wife sat down and worked out an arrangement to split, deciding in a friendly way who was to get what. Then the wife's lawyer got involved and messed the whole thing up, ending up with a good percentage of everything.
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Old December 12th, 2018, 07:24 AM   #4
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Sorry to hear about that.

A painful transition I'm sure, but it will all work out eventually.

Hang in there!
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Old December 12th, 2018, 07:50 AM   #5
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Sorry to hear that. Stay positive and hang in there, remember you're never alone.

Best of luck.
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Old December 12th, 2018, 09:29 AM   #6
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Sorry to hear that. I hope things continue to be civil and you can move on in some way. I just got out of a serious long-term relationship and am going through the re-inventing-myself process as well, but it turned out to be the well-timed kick I needed to redirect my life. I hope your next path is the right one for you! Sending strength and positive thinking your way...
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Old December 12th, 2018, 11:37 AM   #7
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I'm sorry to hear you're splitting up but it sounds like you're able to come to terms, which is good. Keep the lawyers out of it, though. They rarely help. You might be able to file your own papers.

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Old December 12th, 2018, 05:47 PM   #8
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Change is difficult, and the decision to separate is even harder, especially when kids are involved. But, it is better to separate and be happy then to stay together for the wrong reasons.

Good luck, and just deal with each challenge as it comes. Biking is a great release for tension.
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Old December 16th, 2018, 05:43 PM   #9
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I'm riding my bike as much as I can to keep my head calm and cool.

You all are great people. I'm glad I was smart enough to hang out over here even after selling the ninjette. Thank you everyone.
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Old December 16th, 2018, 07:18 PM   #10
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Old December 16th, 2018, 07:56 PM   #11
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Bikes are good for settling your head. **hugs**
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Old December 20th, 2018, 05:34 PM   #12
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Being a member of this forum, you are never alone. Sorry you could not work Things out but sometimes change is the best thing.
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Old December 21st, 2018, 12:41 AM   #13
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Sorry to hear that Apex.

We are brothers and sisters, bound by greater than blood. Bikes!

We are all here for you.
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Old December 22nd, 2018, 11:13 PM   #14
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You all are awesome.

It isn't easy.

Lots of stress.

My recommendation to anyone before marriage, agree and commit to COMMUNICATE. It sure didn't happen much here. I'd try, and it was like it fell on deaf ears. Agree before hand and do it. Communication is THE KEY to marriage. If you don't talk, this happens. I sure tried, and nothing happened.

I'm sure I could write a book on it now with all I've learned. It isn't easy, especially with a kid. I love my baby girl. I still care about this lady too. Just not like I used to. I care about her, but I just can't be married to her.

Top it all off, I need new tires on the bike. Got a screw in the rear, don't have a plug kit to hold me over. Inspected the tires and I need new tires. So yeah. Crappy time to get a screw in there, since the shops will be closed. Oh well. Taking the cager for a few days won't kill me. Just really would love to have the bike under me going to and from work.

You all go on a ride for me this week since I can't go on one myself.
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Old December 24th, 2018, 11:33 AM   #15
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You are right, communication is number one. We lived together for 3 years prior to getting married, then went to see a marrage counselor to ensure we could talk.
But, this was my second time.
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Old December 25th, 2018, 12:13 PM   #16
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It's never a good situation to split up, but one has to be comfortable being alone before committing to serious relationship.
Tough time it is to think through everything when you're alone, staying objective without blaming one side of another is especially difficult.
Having a child makes matter even more complicated, be sure that sacrifices you make don't hinder your health; because once you get sick of weak, you cannot take care of the one that depends on you.
Hoping you the best.
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Old January 9th, 2019, 11:43 AM   #17
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Oh geez, so moving stuff out. I HAVE A LOT OF JUNK!

I watched this organizing show recently as well. Using a method like "if it brings you joy, keep it. If it doesn't bring joy, thank it for its usefulness, and then set it aside for donate or selling."

It is a Japanese host. Forgot her name. I think it was called Tidying Up or something like that. I liked the concept. So I plan on doing the same. Hopefully that will allow me to ditch quite a bit of stuff.

So far not bad. My parents have an apartment over the garage, so I'm staying there. Things are going pretty well. It isn't official yet, but it is close to being official. Just trying to keep my chin up. Still need to go get my bike and get new tires put on it (got a screw in the rear tire), since the old ones are starting to crack (original tires from '07).

Hope all is well with you all. Thanks for your support through all of this. Means a lot!
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Old January 9th, 2019, 01:17 PM   #18
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I was wondering if that show was any good. I might watch it now...

Hang in there... hope things look up for you soon.
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Old January 9th, 2019, 03:14 PM   #19
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That's a good time to purge things, when you move. You have to touch everything to move it, anyway, so you can decide does it go to your new home, or away.
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Old February 22nd, 2019, 02:48 AM   #20
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I seriously just wrote a ton of stuff. But for some reason I don't want to post all of it.

Cliff notes: soon to be ex went on a trip with her mom and our daughter to another country. Her mom passed away. She called me really early in the morning, like around 3, to tell me about it. I was at a loss for words. Lost a lot of sleep talking to her to calm her down. Gave her space. She came back to the states without telling me and proceeded to complain to me for not reaching out to her sooner. I was trying to be respectful. Feel like no matter what I do I get blamed for everything. I know she is angry, but taking it out on me doesn't make her feel better in the long run. Was told how many people reached out to her about this and how I didn't, but honestly, I didn't know how to react. Was just in shock. I guess I should have expected to be blamed for this in some way.

Just tired. Tired of all of this junk. I do care about our daughter, but I can't be the source of "all of the crap". Where I am constantly blamed for stuff, even things I didn't do.

Ugh.

Sorry my friends, I just had to vent. At least out of all of this I am finding true friends. One being my best friend. She is amazing and has supported me through all of this, her and all her family. Hold those good friends close, because they really are like gold.
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Old February 22nd, 2019, 11:22 AM   #21
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Don't worry about venting, that is what friends are for, when you just cant keep things inside any longer you let it out to the people who care. No matter how bad it seems there is a time coming where it will get better.
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Old February 22nd, 2019, 11:25 AM   #22
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I'm glad you have a good friend. It really does help.

Your ex sounds like she's putting you in a difficult position.
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Old February 24th, 2019, 06:44 PM   #23
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Delete post and talk to lawyer about spousal abuse - mental... It sounds like an abusive situation. Even though she is going through a rough time, there is a right way and a wrong way to handle it.
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Old February 25th, 2019, 11:43 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apex View Post
(SNIP) I guess I should have expected to be blamed for this in some way.

Just tired. Tired of all of this junk. I do care about our daughter, but I can't be the source of "all of the crap". Where I am constantly blamed for stuff, even things I didn't do.
(SNIP)
Sorry to hear about that.

I've been married for almost 30 years, and am blamed for stuff I didn't do all the time!

You can't argue irrational crap. You gotta let it roll off and just rise above it or it will beat you down.

Hang in there!
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Old March 15th, 2019, 10:27 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apex View Post
I seriously just wrote a ton of stuff. But for some reason I don't want to post all of it.

Cliff notes: soon to be ex went on a trip with her mom and our daughter to another country. Her mom passed away. She called me really early in the morning, like around 3, to tell me about it. I was at a loss for words. Lost a lot of sleep talking to her to calm her down. Gave her space. She came back to the states without telling me and proceeded to complain to me for not reaching out to her sooner. I was trying to be respectful. Feel like no matter what I do I get blamed for everything. I know she is angry, but taking it out on me doesn't make her feel better in the long run. Was told how many people reached out to her about this and how I didn't, but honestly, I didn't know how to react. Was just in shock. I guess I should have expected to be blamed for this in some way.

Just tired. Tired of all of this junk. I do care about our daughter, but I can't be the source of "all of the crap". Where I am constantly blamed for stuff, even things I didn't do.

Ugh.

Sorry my friends, I just had to vent. At least out of all of this I am finding true friends. One being my best friend. She is amazing and has supported me through all of this, her and all her family. Hold those good friends close, because they really are like gold.
Not heard anything from you in a while, Hope all is going well or at least better
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Old March 18th, 2019, 12:46 AM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ducati999 View Post
Not heard anything from you in a while, Hope all is going well or at least better
Yup. Kinda worried about him too.
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Old March 18th, 2019, 04:48 PM   #27
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Old April 10th, 2019, 09:54 PM   #28
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I went through a rough breakup as well. Was dating the girl for about 10 years, to the point her daughter called me dad. Then one day while I was out of town she wanted to be with ,y best friend. Strangely, time heals all things my man, to the point I can look back and see everything happens for a reason, even if it's hidden at times. Hope you're fairing well, buddy
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Old August 28th, 2019, 10:52 AM   #29
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Still waiting on the divorce stuff to finish.

Sorry it has been a while! Life just got crazy! Doing well at my new job, and things are going better. Just want it all done!



And have been lazy....bike has needed an oil change for a month now and it has been so hot I haven't wanted to do it. With my job, I work 3:30pm until 12:30am, so going in during the heat of the day sucks (which is why I've been taking the cager a lot). If I was just going home, that would totally be different! With the temps around 100....not work going to work and stinking up the place. lol
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Old September 14th, 2019, 01:41 AM   #30
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Tomorrow I am going to get oil for the big v-twin. Then I’ll probably ride it to work as well. It needs a good ride. My best friend is coming into town next week and hanging out with me all week long. She has helped me through a lot. She has also had some RV experience, so another reason she is coming down is to look at rv’s with me. Yeah, I am planning on moving into one of those. Cheaper than an apartment, and while I have to rent a space to park it, the RV is being paid off and will be mine soon enough. 850 a month for an apartment vs 550 a month, if not less, for an RV....hmmmmmm. I think I know what I am choosing! Hahaha.

That is my update. Oh....and my divorce looks like it will be done on Wednesday. I am going in to court to finish it up. All done and behind me. I know I could have gotten more from it all, but sometimes you just need to suck it up and just get away. Yeah I could have more money and stuff....but when you just want out......being free is enough.
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Old September 14th, 2019, 03:35 AM   #31
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Good progress! Glad life’s picking up for you!

I’ve been looking at RVs too for living at track. I’ve finalized it down to Ford Fun Movers I think. They’re half RV up front with toy-hauler garage in back half. Much easier to drive around than truck+toy hauler combo. Easier to park and easier to back up.
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Old September 14th, 2019, 03:23 PM   #32
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I'm glad to hear your divorce will be final. It's true, sometimes you just need out.
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Old September 15th, 2019, 06:46 AM   #33
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Glad to hear that chapter of your life is almost behind. Now it’s time to write the next chapter. Your in charge now so make it a good one.
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Old September 24th, 2019, 07:04 AM   #34
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Dang. Sorry to hear the news.

It will be rough, it will get better. If possible find some new outlets to keep your mind fresh and engaged in activity! Try not to do, what you usually do. Do try to go out, and find a new hobby, with new faces. Laziness is ok from time to time, but know when to get back up, brush the dust off, and re-invigorate yourself.

With the exception of online dating.....do NOT do THAT! trust me. Poking fun, but being serious. Focus on yourself, with new, and better things. You'll be amazed at how far youve come along, when you look back!

You still in Houston?
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Old September 27th, 2019, 11:36 AM   #35
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Yup, still in Houston! Weird work schedule though.

Not long after the divorce was said and done, she unfriended me on Facebook. I was like, ummm, okay. So I went through and a lot of "mutual" friends of ours were removed from my FB. These friends I know they are closer to her. I need to revamp my life....and my friends.

So right now, I have my best friend, who happens to be one of the models I work with regularly. We have been hanging out a lot. Plus it helps, she has lived in an RV before, so I have been picking her brain regarding travel trailers.

I recently changed the oil in my bike.....took that to work yesterday. It has been so hot I have been taking the cager a ton. Well...I actually forgot how excellent riding is on the soul. I'll be taking the C90T any chance I can (except when it is raining when I'm heading out to work....don't need to be a sweaty mess showing up to work).

Being a photographer, I have several models that have turned out to be great friends. It is like I didn't realize how great a lot of these models, heck, even other photographers, truly are. Lots of great people out there. I just need to get with "my peeps" and do stuff with them. Maybe get some riding buddies soon. Too crazy of a life right now for that, but I'll get there.

I have been going through storage...trying to sort stuff out. Need to dump a ton of junk. May get my trailer later in October or early November. Really looking forward to this new life. A life free from the gameplay....from the "I'm more important than you" stuff.
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Old September 27th, 2019, 04:32 PM   #36
CaliGrrl
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Yeah, every so often the message is given that there are in fact good people out there. Often that moment of grace comes when we least expect it, and when we most need it.
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Old October 10th, 2019, 10:29 AM   #37
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I cannot wait for the cool front to hit again. We got a small one down here, but it was nothing more than a tease. Tomorrow, it should be nice and cool. Heading out on a little road trip this weekend as well. It will be nice to get out for a few.

Been doing a lot of time with my bestie and in nature. Now I just need to get back to working out again. lol

I hope all of you are doing well.
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Old Yesterday, 12:56 PM   #38
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Road trip- nice! Have a good time!
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