Even though it was cold, it was a good day

[Sailariel]

After I get dowstairs in the morning, I like to sit in the sunroom and have a cup of coffee with the morning paper. At any rate the Bangor Daily News had a bit on the earmarks that our illustrious Congress passed. The one that stood out for me was the 1.7 Million dollars alotted to study pig`s odors. My perverted mind began to think of all the great possibilities this earmark could have. It will create at least one or two jobs. We will have the Director of Pig Flatulance and his assistant Junior Phart who will check pigstys with a phartometer and carefully log the readings. These will be carefully entered into a data base and the Flatulance department of the Federal Government will then know how much Methane is let loose into the atmosphere. That should generate another study with more jobs with the mission of ascertaining a way this Methane can be collected and stored. That will create a manufacturing facility with an engineering department which will design a non intrusive animal activist friendly fart catcher. That will generate more jobs because we will need pig fart collectors. This will go on and on and THOUSANDS of jobs will be created. And we thought that our illustrious government was just farting around. This is serious stuff. So I am out in the sunroom chuckling, and the wife comes in and I share the great vision I had. She said, It`s too early, so I know you have not been into the Scotch.--so why don`t you go to the gym and work out. I took her advice and went--I work out every day. Well, I was so psyched that these earmarks are for real and will create jobs and stuff, that I had a great workout. I even managed to Bench Press 200 Lbs. That`s the goal I set at the beginning of winter. I only did 3 Reps--the goal was five--but I am getting there. It is amazing what good news does for one`s psyche and general well being.

[OldGuy]

Alex - Congratulations on the 200# BP, nice work.

On your creative use of the $1.7M, I think you have overlooked one element; there needs to be oversight of your two man team. I mean with all that money someone must insure that it is spent correctly. So you will need to set aside at least 23% for oversight ($391K) and then you will need to document and provide reports to a Congressional Oversight Committee every 30 days. I'd say that will cost at least 37% of your funding ($629K).

Now I realize that most would think that should do it but really, with this important research activity I think you will need to come to Washington, D.C. and testify before the Committee in person and defend your reports. 15% ($255K) should cover these trips unless you demonstrate that you are not really making any headway .

So even though the initial ear mark was for $1.7M, you really only have $425K for your research.

Oh wait a minute, have you defined what type of pigs you will be studying or what type of feed and the origin of the feed? (Should be Nebraska corn NOT Iowa corn). Whoops - there went the $425K.

Back to the gym I guess.

[kkim]

boy, you old farts don't fart around, do ya???

[Sailariel]

Don, Didn`t thunk it was that complicated. I`m an idea person and would probably make a lousy administrator. Anyway, this is a true story of an earmark given 30 years ago for $500,000. I knew the professor who got this grant. He planned to study the sex life of seagulls on Lake Ontario. I guess this only applies to that group. The conclusion of this study after two years of research, was that Lake Ontario seagulls are bisexual. That piece of information was worth a half a million?

[camaroz1985]

Well how else were they going to find out?