An atheist in the woods

CC Cowboy · July 13th, 2009, 05:45 PM

AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS

An atheist was walking through the woods.

'What majestic trees!
'What powerful rivers!
'What beautiful animals!
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He then rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

'You deny my existence for all these years,
teach others I don't exist and even credit
creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer'?

The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be
hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian
now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?

'Very Well,' said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed.
And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both
paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty
through Christ our Lord, Amen.....
__________________

BlueRaven · July 13th, 2009, 05:50 PM

i see your finally back

we missed you

jola · July 13th, 2009, 06:13 PM

Many lulz.

HKr1 · July 14th, 2009, 06:21 AM

TnNinjaGirl · July 14th, 2009, 06:55 AM

Nice...

k-os · July 14th, 2009, 10:04 AM

It was funny, but being atheist doesn't mean that you teach others not to believe also.

Anthony_marr · July 14th, 2009, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by k-os

It was funny, but being atheist doesn't mean that you teach others not to believe also.

Just in the spirit of pure philosophical discussion: If a theist can teach others to believe, why can't an atheist teach others not to believe?

AnarchoMoltov · July 14th, 2009, 11:17 AM

Looks like CC Cowboy found Jesus while he was away..

Snake · July 14th, 2009, 01:17 PM

That was a great story CC. Thats what you call binevolent justice. The athiest died just as he thought he would. Alone with no-one to help him.

CC Cowboy · July 14th, 2009, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snake

That was a great story CC. Thats what you call binevolent justice. The athiest died just as he thought he would. Alone with no-one to help him.

Snake, it really didn't happen. It's just a joke. Please don't read too much into it. Steady there fella.

Snake · July 14th, 2009, 01:39 PM

Like I said CC that was a great "story". Most stories are fictional but are meant to convey a message. Was that your intention?

sombo · July 14th, 2009, 01:43 PM

Great joke.

And yes, atheists do try to teach others not to believe just as hard if not harder then then the theists. Just look at all the crap they're pulling here in the states of forcing the government to remove anything and everything that even hints at god from everything in the states. Can't have a moment of silent prayer in school, want "Under God" removed from the pledge and our money, hell I'm sure they're trying to have it removed from the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution.

Alex · July 14th, 2009, 01:47 PM

I think the intention was to make us chuckle. Worked for me!

Jokes don't have to have a message, and certainly don't have to be truthful.

Except for blonde jokes.

Anthony_marr · July 14th, 2009, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sombo

Great joke.

And yes, atheists do try to teach others not to believe just as hard if not harder then then the theists. Just look at all the crap they're pulling here in the states of forcing the government to remove anything and everything that even hints at god from everything in the states. Can't have a moment of silent prayer in school, want "Under God" removed from the pledge and our money, hell I'm sure they're trying to have it removed from the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution.

The First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution guarantees unbridled Freedom of Speech, and forbids View-Point-Based Discrimination. It certainly does not give theists more rights than atheists. Only some theists do. Here is a golden adage: "I disagree totally with what you are saying, but I will defend to the death your right and freedom to say it."

And let me play "devil's advocate" for a moment. What if it reads instead: "One nation under Allah" and "In Allah we trust"? If you don't believe in Allah, you would likely say something about it, and I would support your right and freedom to say it. So atheists don't believe in God; if there is a God, God will judge them. It is not for a mere mortal to judge another in divine matters. But here on Earth, in the United States, they have this right as much as you do, and I would support their freedom as I would support yours.

Anyway, as both CC and Alex say, it is only a joke. Though I might add that jokes sometimes do have a point, and the point in this joke, as I read it, factoring in the responses, is that atheists like

Ayer, A.J.
Bakunin, Mikhail
Bradlaugh, Charles
Carnap, Rudolf
Clifford, William K.
Comte, Auguste
Darrow, Clarence
Dewey, John
Ellis, Albert
Feuerbach, Ludwig Andreas
Foote, George William
Freud, Sigmund
Gibbon, Edward
Goldman, Emma
Haldeman-Julius, Emanuel
Holbach, Paul Henri
Holyoake, George Jacob
Hook, Sidney
Hume, David
Huxley, Thomas Henry
Ingersoll, Robert Green
Lewis, Joseph
Marx, Karl
McCabe, Joseph Martin
Mencken, Henry Louis
Nietzsche, Friedrich
Paine, Thomas
Rand, Ayn
Robertson, John Mackinnon
Russell, Bertrand
Sagan, Carl
Sanger, Margaret
Sartre, Jean-Paul

are not afraid of dying alone.

Alex · July 14th, 2009, 02:30 PM

Holy crap (pardon the pun) this thread is getting some weird ad banners...

Anthony_marr · July 14th, 2009, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snake

Like I said CC that was a great "story". Most stories are fictional but are meant to convey a message. Was that your intention?

Knowing CC, his intention is to make us laugh, pure and simple, with no moral-of-the-story attached. Regardless of religious content, it is really a very funny joke. But CC, for fairness, tell another one that is at the expense of theists, will you?

kkim · July 14th, 2009, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex

Holy crap (pardon the pun) this thread is getting some weird ad banners...

that surely won't help with more weird banners popping up, now!

shall we ban all joke posts from now on? as a private owner of the website, you don't need to guarantee freedom of speech and usually don't!

Snake · July 14th, 2009, 02:37 PM

Just think what would come up if someone started a thread about sex.

kkim · July 14th, 2009, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snake

Just think what would come up if someone started a thread about sex.

not much if they were female.

Snake · July 14th, 2009, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kkim

not much if they were female.

Well I would hope not!

CC Cowboy · July 14th, 2009, 04:35 PM

I actually didn't understand the joke and was hoping that all the intellects would decifer the meaning for me.

Anyways, I did get a reaction.

sombo · July 14th, 2009, 04:36 PM

If my forefathers had believed and used the name Allah, and formed this nation under those ideals, THEN YES I WOULD SUPPORT IT. It's the foundation of what this nation was built on and I will respect the founders belief's. The ideals of those quotes you mentioned were to allow anyone to speak freely and worship as they wish. The core of the founders were Christian and formed things upon those belief's. They put those ideas in the papers to allow others to practice their religion without persecution unlike how things were in Europe. Yes they used those terms and those belief's but did not enforce them as the whole beliefs of all people within the country. This country runs on majority vote and according to the latest numbers at least 83% of the US is Christian. However we as a country are constantly bending over backwards to make things easier for the minorities while ignoring the wishes of the majority.

Sorry for the thread jacking, I'm done.

Still love the joke btw.

CC Cowboy · July 14th, 2009, 04:40 PM

Obama told the Middle East that we aren't a nation of Christians and that if you added up the population of each religions, we were actually a nation of Muslims.

Although, I never talk religion or politics.

Anthony_marr · July 14th, 2009, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sombo

It's the foundation of what this nation was built on and I will respect the founders belief's. The ideals of those quotes you mentioned were to allow anyone to speak freely and worship as they wish. The core of the founders were Christian and formed things upon those belief's.

"I am for freedom of religion, and against all maneuvers to bring about a legal ascendency of one sect over another." -- Thomas Jefferson, to Elbridge Gerry, 1799. ME 10:78

ninjabrewer · July 14th, 2009, 06:34 PM

Anthony_marr · July 14th, 2009, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ninjabrewer

No worries. Once we put our full-face helmets on, and rev the RPM past 13K, only God or Allah, if either or both exist, can tell who is the theist and who's the atheist. Watch out for lightning strikes!

beowuff · July 17th, 2009, 12:05 PM

Well, I'm ticked... All this "God that"! and "Allah this!" and not once has someone mentioned Eris.

There, now she's really pissed. Someone help me find a golden apple...

Strider · July 18th, 2009, 08:05 PM

WWTD ? ( What Would Thor Do? )

ScorpionNinja · July 19th, 2009, 12:37 PM

LOL CC. i need to email this to my Dad! Well im NOT a religious person, and dont follow any kind. Im not offened by this funny ass joke.

I dont tell others there isnt a God and all that to with some ppl think, ppl like me Do. If im asked if i believe in God, my answer is no, but i Dont go around bad mouthin' ppls religion. (Nor can i spell)

Can i get a Whoop WHOOP?

conchwanab · July 19th, 2009, 01:39 PM

Great joke,and to think that the father of the athiest had probably told him that he'd never amount to sh#*#t!!!

July 13th, 2009, 05:45 PM	#1
CC Cowboy ninjette.org certified postwhore Name: Whodat Location: Ware Is.,MA Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): I pass the wind! Posts: A lot. MOTM - Mar '13, Jun '14	An atheist in the woods AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees! 'What powerful rivers! 'What beautiful animals! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He then rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!' Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.' 'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer'? The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'? 'Very Well,' said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: 'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen..... __________________ __________________________________________________ If everything seems under control; you're just not going fast enough!

July 13th, 2009, 05:50 PM	#2
BlueRaven ninjette.org certified postwhore Name: Lil One Location: NB Canada Join Date: Mar 2009 Motorcycle(s): '09 Ninja 250 Black Posts: A lot.	i see your finally back we missed you __________________________________________________ I'm not small, I'm fun sized

July 14th, 2009, 01:47 PM	#13
Alex ninjette.org dude Name: 1 guess :-) Location: SF Bay Area Join Date: Jun 2008 Motorcycle(s): '13 Ninja 300 (white, the fastest color!), '13 R1200RT, '14 CRF250L, '12 TT-R125LE Posts: Too much. Blog Entries: 7	I think the intention was to make us chuckle. Worked for me! Jokes don't have to have a message, and certainly don't have to be truthful. Except for blonde jokes. __________________________________________________ Montgomery Street Motorcycle Club / cal24.com / crf250l.org / ninjette.org ninjette.org Terms of Service Shopping for motorcycle parts or equipment? Come here first. The friendliest Ninja 250R/300/400 forum on the internet! (especially Unregistered)

July 14th, 2009, 02:30 PM	#15
Alex ninjette.org dude Name: 1 guess :-) Location: SF Bay Area Join Date: Jun 2008 Motorcycle(s): '13 Ninja 300 (white, the fastest color!), '13 R1200RT, '14 CRF250L, '12 TT-R125LE Posts: Too much. Blog Entries: 7	Holy crap (pardon the pun) this thread is getting some weird ad banners... __________________________________________________ Montgomery Street Motorcycle Club / cal24.com / crf250l.org / ninjette.org ninjette.org Terms of Service Shopping for motorcycle parts or equipment? Come here first. The friendliest Ninja 250R/300/400 forum on the internet! (especially Unregistered)

July 14th, 2009, 04:35 PM	#21
CC Cowboy ninjette.org certified postwhore Name: Whodat Location: Ware Is.,MA Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): I pass the wind! Posts: A lot. MOTM - Mar '13, Jun '14	I actually didn't understand the joke and was hoping that all the intellects would decifer the meaning for me. Anyways, I did get a reaction. __________________________________________________ If everything seems under control; you're just not going fast enough!

July 13th, 2009, 06:13 PM	#3
jola ninjette.org member Name: Joe Location: North Dakota Join Date: Jun 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2000 Ninja 250R Posts: 68	Many lulz.

July 14th, 2009, 06:21 AM	#4
HKr1 IC2(SW) Name: Kerry Location: Pensacola Join Date: Nov 2008 Motorcycle(s): . Posts: A lot.

July 14th, 2009, 06:55 AM	#5
TnNinjaGirl Ms. Personality Name: CB Location: Murvill, TN Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): Depends on the week you ask Posts: A lot.	Nice...

July 14th, 2009, 10:04 AM	#6
k-os ninjette.org sage Name: Andy Location: Sheboygan, WI Join Date: Dec 2008 Motorcycle(s): 1988 Honda Hawk NT650, 1989 Honda Hawk NT650, 1997 GSXR750 Track Bike Posts: 890	It was funny, but being atheist doesn't mean that you teach others not to believe also.

July 14th, 2009, 11:17 AM	#8
AnarchoMoltov ninjette.org guru Name: Dan Location: Chicago, il.... Join Date: Jun 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2007 Suzuki GSX-R750 Posts: 378	Looks like CC Cowboy found Jesus while he was away..

July 14th, 2009, 01:17 PM	#9
Snake ninjette.org certified postwhore Name: Rick Location: Alexandria, Louisiana Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 05 Blue Ninja 250 Posts: Too much. MOTY - 2017, MOTM - Jan '19, Oct '16, May '14	That was a great story CC. Thats what you call binevolent justice. The athiest died just as he thought he would. Alone with no-one to help him.

July 14th, 2009, 01:39 PM	#11
Snake ninjette.org certified postwhore Name: Rick Location: Alexandria, Louisiana Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 05 Blue Ninja 250 Posts: Too much. MOTY - 2017, MOTM - Jan '19, Oct '16, May '14	Like I said CC that was a great "story". Most stories are fictional but are meant to convey a message. Was that your intention?

July 14th, 2009, 01:43 PM	#12
sombo Newb..... on a steeek! :D Name: Mike Location: Windermere, FL Join Date: Feb 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2012 Harley Davidson XL883L Sportster Superlow Posts: A lot.	Great joke. And yes, atheists do try to teach others not to believe just as hard if not harder then then the theists. Just look at all the crap they're pulling here in the states of forcing the government to remove anything and everything that even hints at god from everything in the states. Can't have a moment of silent prayer in school, want "Under God" removed from the pledge and our money, hell I'm sure they're trying to have it removed from the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution.

July 14th, 2009, 02:37 PM	#18
Snake ninjette.org certified postwhore Name: Rick Location: Alexandria, Louisiana Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 05 Blue Ninja 250 Posts: Too much. MOTY - 2017, MOTM - Jan '19, Oct '16, May '14	Just think what would come up if someone started a thread about sex.

July 14th, 2009, 04:36 PM	#22
sombo Newb..... on a steeek! :D Name: Mike Location: Windermere, FL Join Date: Feb 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2012 Harley Davidson XL883L Sportster Superlow Posts: A lot.	If my forefathers had believed and used the name Allah, and formed this nation under those ideals, THEN YES I WOULD SUPPORT IT. It's the foundation of what this nation was built on and I will respect the founders belief's. The ideals of those quotes you mentioned were to allow anyone to speak freely and worship as they wish. The core of the founders were Christian and formed things upon those belief's. They put those ideas in the papers to allow others to practice their religion without persecution unlike how things were in Europe. Yes they used those terms and those belief's but did not enforce them as the whole beliefs of all people within the country. This country runs on majority vote and according to the latest numbers at least 83% of the US is Christian. However we as a country are constantly bending over backwards to make things easier for the minorities while ignoring the wishes of the majority. Sorry for the thread jacking, I'm done. Still love the joke btw.

July 14th, 2009, 04:40 PM	#23
CC Cowboy ninjette.org certified postwhore Name: Whodat Location: Ware Is.,MA Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): I pass the wind! Posts: A lot. MOTM - Mar '13, Jun '14	Obama told the Middle East that we aren't a nation of Christians and that if you added up the population of each religions, we were actually a nation of Muslims. Although, I never talk religion or politics. __________________________________________________ If everything seems under control; you're just not going fast enough!

July 14th, 2009, 06:34 PM	#25
ninjabrewer dirty old man Name: Chris Location: Hazel Green, AL Join Date: Nov 2008 Motorcycle(s): Blue '08 Ninja 250 Posts: A lot. Blog Entries: 1	__________________________________________________ Death tugs at my ear and says, "Live, I am coming." -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., poet, novelist, essayist, and physician (1809-1894) www.friendsofsanonofre.org

July 17th, 2009, 12:05 PM	#27
beowuff ninjette.org member Name: Yancy Location: Redmond Join Date: Dec 2008 Motorcycle(s): 2007 Ninja 250 Posts: 225	Well, I'm ticked... All this "God that"! and "Allah this!" and not once has someone mentioned Eris. There, now she's really pissed. Someone help me find a golden apple...

July 18th, 2009, 08:05 PM	#28
Strider Back on the Black! Name: Alan Location: Gastonia, North Carolina Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2006 Kawasaki Ninja EX250 (Black) Posts: 831	WWTD ? ( What Would Thor Do? )

July 19th, 2009, 12:37 PM	#29
ScorpionNinja ninjette.org certified postwhore Name: Dave Location: Michigan Join Date: May 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2009 Kawasaki Ninja 650RTE & 2009 Kawasaki Ninja 250R (SOLD) Posts: A lot.	LOL CC. i need to email this to my Dad! Well im NOT a religious person, and dont follow any kind. Im not offened by this funny ass joke. I dont tell others there isnt a God and all that to with some ppl think, ppl like me Do. If im asked if i believe in God, my answer is no, but i Dont go around bad mouthin' ppls religion. (Nor can i spell) Can i get a Whoop WHOOP?

July 19th, 2009, 01:39 PM	#30
conchwanab ninjette.org member Name: Keith Location: Munroe Falls Ohio Join Date: Dec 2008 Motorcycle(s): 2008 ninja 250 Posts: 98	Great joke,and to think that the father of the athiest had probably told him that he'd never amount to sh#*#t!!!

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