Worry from spouse/ family

ubnewbie · May 31st, 2012, 07:31 AM

one thing i've been experiencing from my wife since i started to evaluate the purchase of a bike is this resistance from my wife . her telling that i'll get killed etc

While I understand her worry. I at the same time i feel like telling her to get over it .

has anyone else experienced this lack of support from friends and family.

and what have you done about it.

am I an adult and I know i can make my own decisions at the same time I don't want to come across as not mindful of my wife's concerns.

Jimboslice32 · May 31st, 2012, 07:34 AM

You should have your wife take the MSF course so she can ride a bike too, or at least give her a ride on the back of your bike; she will realize how much fun it is.

Bermuda · May 31st, 2012, 11:06 AM

Try looking at it from another angle. It's not a lack of support, but a lack of understanding. You know she is only worried for your well-being, and there is the support. She just needs to better understand that you are commited to doing this right.

My friends, and largely my family, often voice their concerns. They know how much I enjoy riding, and I like to tell them that I don't want to stop. That's the best motivation for doing it properly, and they get that. At first I couldn't even talk about riding with my old man, but now I can't keep him out of the garage when I bring the bike over to work on her. While it's a different relationship you have with your wife than I do with my parents, the same understanding applies.

LoD575 · May 31st, 2012, 11:20 AM

Growing up my mother was adamantly against motorcycles and dirtbikes and still is. I respected her wishes and did not purchase my first motorcycle and go through MSF until after moving out at 18. The motorcycle became my only means of transportation.

Fast forward a decade with a family now my wife is very understanding and even encourages my riding. It helps that her father rides a Ninja 650 himself and we ride when he comes down to visit.

I will encourage my children to ride, starting with dirtbikes and moving onward if they wish.

cbdallas · May 31st, 2012, 11:27 AM

Most of the members of my immediate & extended family have been quite vocal against me having a bike. My sister is the MOST vocal, managing to slip "I wish you'd get rid of that thing before you get killed" into nearly every conversation.

I've had to just resolve in my own mind that while I do have a partner and "kids" to consider, I do need to live my life in a way that makes me happy. The independently wealthy aside, most of us live our days doing things that we really wish we didn't have to do. Most of us have jobs, and we don't all love them. Adding one joy to our daily lives is an important thing to do for our emotional well-being. You only get one go-round on this ride -sorry, Buddhists-. Owning a bike makes the ride so much better for those of us who truly love it.

DARAM1281 · May 31st, 2012, 11:33 AM

she just needs time. when i first told my gf i was getting one she was not very happy with me. she was pretty worried (my brother died in a motorcycle crash a year and a half prior) but the day i got her and drove up she had the biggest smile on her face. she still worries but soon realized how much i enjoy riding and deals with it better now.

Stingray1000 · May 31st, 2012, 11:47 AM

My dad rode Honda Goldwings growing up, I was too young to know whether my mom was against it, but my mom and family are completely against me having a bike, mainly because I was named after my uncle Larry (middle name) who died on a motorcycle before I was born.... Megan was at first too, but then when she realized how fun it was too ride she got used to it. She jsut yells at me when she follows me to work and someone gets too close to me (like it's my fault) lol My family have gotten used to it, mainly because they know there is just nothing they can do about it....

BFisher244 · May 31st, 2012, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimboslice32

You should have your wife take the MSF course so she can ride a bike too, or at least give her a ride on the back of your bike; she will realize how much fun it is.

This man is wise. This method worked for me. Get your lady involved so she can enjoy riding.

obscene · May 31st, 2012, 12:32 PM

The good thing is that she prefers you being around over your life insurance money.

From my experience, it has just been a lack of knowledge that fuels family members to have the "you're gonna get killed" fear. Unfortunately, many riders do in fact get killed each year riding motorcycles. The only thing you can do I to make sure to ride as safe as possible and try your best to educate family members who are willing to listen.

For example, a family friend of my mother in law's died in a motorcycle accident. He was wearing no protective equipment at all and was speeding. I try to separate my style of riding as far away from that as possible and help her (more my wife cause who cares about mom!) see the difference. If they can see you as a safe rider, then in the end they'll just be happy to know you're happy.

alex.s · May 31st, 2012, 12:33 PM

shes scared of the unknown possibilities. show her it can be safely done. do like above, take her to msf. get her interested in it. tell her if after taking msf and actually knowing about it if she still is against it, then youll be fine with it (she wont be against it after taking msf)

Avenged7Fold · May 31st, 2012, 01:17 PM

As a young teen, I had no support from family OR friends, so I committed to going to the MSF to show my concern of safety to others. It let everyone see that I wasn't just hopping on the "Death machine" as I've heard some people call it. Eventually they will get over it and support your new hobby.

dfox · May 31st, 2012, 03:26 PM

My wife and family are concerned as well.

I buy nice gear. I have only been riding for 2 months and own sidi st boots, an arai helmet, over pants, jacket, and gloves every day. Only thing I want to get is a chest and back protector.

I also took the classes, and earned a few brownie points by buying a 250cc bike instead of a 600+. Just keep enforcing that your not driving like a jacksss, constantly scanning for cars not paying attention, etc. and actually follow through with it.

ai4px · June 1st, 2012, 05:58 AM

1 accept the risks.
It is inherently dangerous. So is walking down a flight of stairs carrying a box in your arms. Squids on crotch rockets doing wheelies down the interstate at 80mph don't help the lay person's perspective about bikes being dangerous. You must interact with other motorists, you can only control what you do.

2 reduce the risks.
That said, you can mitigate the dangers by adopting safe behaviors... little things like not going so fast that cars pulling onto the road don't have time to see you. Or shifting to the right half of the lane in an intersection where cars are waiting to turn left in front of you. You can also buy equipment like a headlight flasher or high viz riding gear. Take the MSF course.

3 reduce the damage when risks culminate into an accident.
When you do lay the bike down (it'll happen one day), make sure you have proper gear with armor padding and a helmet. Leather pants are much easier to replace than your hide.

May 31st, 2012, 07:31 AM	#1
ubnewbie ninjette.org member Name: Frank Location: montreal Join Date: May 2012 Motorcycle(s): none yet Posts: 26	Worry from spouse/ family one thing i've been experiencing from my wife since i started to evaluate the purchase of a bike is this resistance from my wife . her telling that i'll get killed etc While I understand her worry. I at the same time i feel like telling her to get over it . has anyone else experienced this lack of support from friends and family. and what have you done about it. am I an adult and I know i can make my own decisions at the same time I don't want to come across as not mindful of my wife's concerns. __________________________________________________ "Motorcycling is not, of itself, inherently dangerous. It is, however, extremely unforgiving of inattention, ignorance, incompetence, or stupidity."

May 31st, 2012, 11:47 AM	#7
Stingray1000 ninjette.org certified postwhore Name: Jon Location: Newark, De Join Date: Apr 2012 Motorcycle(s): 2003 Kawasaki Ninja 250R Posts: A lot.	My dad rode Honda Goldwings growing up, I was too young to know whether my mom was against it, but my mom and family are completely against me having a bike, mainly because I was named after my uncle Larry (middle name) who died on a motorcycle before I was born.... Megan was at first too, but then when she realized how fun it was too ride she got used to it. She jsut yells at me when she follows me to work and someone gets too close to me (like it's my fault) lol My family have gotten used to it, mainly because they know there is just nothing they can do about it.... __________________________________________________ http://www.facebook.com/groups/DeMdNjPagrouprides/ I live my life a quarter mile at a time! Who is affraid of the big bad jiggles???? LOL

May 31st, 2012, 12:33 PM	#10
alex.s wat Name: wat Location: tustin/long beach Join Date: Sep 2009 Motorcycle(s): wat Posts: Too much. Blog Entries: 5 MOTM - Oct '12, Feb '14	shes scared of the unknown possibilities. show her it can be safely done. do like above, take her to msf. get her interested in it. tell her if after taking msf and actually knowing about it if she still is against it, then youll be fine with it (she wont be against it after taking msf) __________________________________________________

May 31st, 2012, 01:17 PM	#11
Avenged7Fold Ninjette Noob Name: Trent Location: Arizona Join Date: Apr 2012 Motorcycle(s): 2004 YZF-600r ---- 2006 Kawasaki Ninja 250r Posts: 227	As a young teen, I had no support from family OR friends, so I committed to going to the MSF to show my concern of safety to others. It let everyone see that I wasn't just hopping on the "Death machine" as I've heard some people call it. Eventually they will get over it and support your new hobby. __________________________________________________

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May 31st, 2012, 07:34 AM	#2
Jimboslice32 ninjette.org member Name: James Location: Florida Join Date: Mar 2012 Motorcycle(s): 2010 Kawasaki Ninja 250r Posts: 19 Blog Entries: 2	You should have your wife take the MSF course so she can ride a bike too, or at least give her a ride on the back of your bike; she will realize how much fun it is.

May 31st, 2012, 11:06 AM	#3
Bermuda ninjette.org member Name: Andrew Location: Oakville Join Date: Feb 2012 Motorcycle(s): 08 Ninja 250R Posts: 18	Try looking at it from another angle. It's not a lack of support, but a lack of understanding. You know she is only worried for your well-being, and there is the support. She just needs to better understand that you are commited to doing this right. My friends, and largely my family, often voice their concerns. They know how much I enjoy riding, and I like to tell them that I don't want to stop. That's the best motivation for doing it properly, and they get that. At first I couldn't even talk about riding with my old man, but now I can't keep him out of the garage when I bring the bike over to work on her. While it's a different relationship you have with your wife than I do with my parents, the same understanding applies.

May 31st, 2012, 11:20 AM	#4
LoD575 ninjette.org sage Name: Steve Location: Valdosta GA, US Join Date: Jul 2011 Motorcycle(s): 2012 Ninja 250, 2006 Ninja ZX6R-636 Posts: 661	Growing up my mother was adamantly against motorcycles and dirtbikes and still is. I respected her wishes and did not purchase my first motorcycle and go through MSF until after moving out at 18. The motorcycle became my only means of transportation. Fast forward a decade with a family now my wife is very understanding and even encourages my riding. It helps that her father rides a Ninja 650 himself and we ride when he comes down to visit. I will encourage my children to ride, starting with dirtbikes and moving onward if they wish.

May 31st, 2012, 11:27 AM	#5
cbdallas ninjette.org guru Name: Charlie Location: Wylie, TX Join Date: Nov 2011 Motorcycle(s): 2007 Ninja 650R Posts: 317	Most of the members of my immediate & extended family have been quite vocal against me having a bike. My sister is the MOST vocal, managing to slip "I wish you'd get rid of that thing before you get killed" into nearly every conversation. I've had to just resolve in my own mind that while I do have a partner and "kids" to consider, I do need to live my life in a way that makes me happy. The independently wealthy aside, most of us live our days doing things that we really wish we didn't have to do. Most of us have jobs, and we don't all love them. Adding one joy to our daily lives is an important thing to do for our emotional well-being. You only get one go-round on this ride -sorry, Buddhists-. Owning a bike makes the ride so much better for those of us who truly love it.

May 31st, 2012, 11:33 AM	#6
DARAM1281 ninjette.org member Name: RUDY Location: AZ Join Date: May 2012 Motorcycle(s): 2012 NINJA 250R Posts: 32	she just needs time. when i first told my gf i was getting one she was not very happy with me. she was pretty worried (my brother died in a motorcycle crash a year and a half prior) but the day i got her and drove up she had the biggest smile on her face. she still worries but soon realized how much i enjoy riding and deals with it better now.

May 31st, 2012, 12:32 PM	#9
obscene ninjette.org newbie Name: Ben Location: PA Join Date: May 2012 Motorcycle(s): 2010 250r Posts: 2	The good thing is that she prefers you being around over your life insurance money. From my experience, it has just been a lack of knowledge that fuels family members to have the "you're gonna get killed" fear. Unfortunately, many riders do in fact get killed each year riding motorcycles. The only thing you can do I to make sure to ride as safe as possible and try your best to educate family members who are willing to listen. For example, a family friend of my mother in law's died in a motorcycle accident. He was wearing no protective equipment at all and was speeding. I try to separate my style of riding as far away from that as possible and help her (more my wife cause who cares about mom!) see the difference. If they can see you as a safe rider, then in the end they'll just be happy to know you're happy.

May 31st, 2012, 03:26 PM	#12
dfox ninjette.org sage Name: Fox Location: Boston Join Date: May 2012 Motorcycle(s): 08 250R Posts: 881	My wife and family are concerned as well. I buy nice gear. I have only been riding for 2 months and own sidi st boots, an arai helmet, over pants, jacket, and gloves every day. Only thing I want to get is a chest and back protector. I also took the classes, and earned a few brownie points by buying a 250cc bike instead of a 600+. Just keep enforcing that your not driving like a jacksss, constantly scanning for cars not paying attention, etc. and actually follow through with it.

June 1st, 2012, 05:58 AM	#13
ai4px ninjette.org sage Name: Wes Location: Sumter SC Join Date: Apr 2012 Motorcycle(s): 650r 2009 Vulcan 800 2005 Posts: 557	1 accept the risks. It is inherently dangerous. So is walking down a flight of stairs carrying a box in your arms. Squids on crotch rockets doing wheelies down the interstate at 80mph don't help the lay person's perspective about bikes being dangerous. You must interact with other motorists, you can only control what you do. 2 reduce the risks. That said, you can mitigate the dangers by adopting safe behaviors... little things like not going so fast that cars pulling onto the road don't have time to see you. Or shifting to the right half of the lane in an intersection where cars are waiting to turn left in front of you. You can also buy equipment like a headlight flasher or high viz riding gear. Take the MSF course. 3 reduce the damage when risks culminate into an accident. When you do lay the bike down (it'll happen one day), make sure you have proper gear with armor padding and a helmet. Leather pants are much easier to replace than your hide.