Ma'am, what is wrong with that?

[Rifleman]

So I just got click baited into one of those d**n "if you are a guy over 40, you should never say this"... just in case I'm saying something that dates me...

Ma'am... not supposed to say it unless you are a Southern Gentleman wearing a white suit, in the military, or under the age of 18...

Of course they offered more click bait to their 18 of the most sexy things you can say to a woman...

Fine, what is the proper, respectful, un"age"ist, nonsexy, way to address a female of which you are not aquainted?


Lets say you are in the parking lot of Tractor Supply and you see any female, of any age, alone and with an entire flat bed of 50# bags of horse feed and no Tractor Supply employee in tow to toss said bags into the back of her "cowboy cady"?* <---- not a hypethical, this has happened twice in the last two weeks... oh, did I say there are a LOT of horses in Aiken, S.C.


(from a "safe" distance) "Ma'am,* would you like a hand with those?" (stop, and wait for her reply).



I don't want to scare a single female, I don't want to put her off, make her mad, or feel old and frail... I just want to get the bags of feed in the truck with out her having a heart attack and me having to perform CPR on her (going to guess that proposes even more sticky situations).* I use Ma'am quite a bit... I don't know how else to address a female, if I don't know her name, in a respectful manner?

school me, cuz I got a bad case of the dumb.

[CaliGrrl]

You're pretty much stuck with using "ma'am" though that makes a girl feel old. Then again, "miss" to a woman over 30 feels a bit strange, too.

[CynicalC]

I usually just say 'Miss.' I feel like the only time I've called someone 'Ma'am,' I was intentionally being rude or passive aggressive for one reason or another. Whether it would be considered offensive or not is definitely a regional thing, and most of all, contextual.

[Triple Jim]

You could just say "Excuse me, can you use some help?" or something similar. If I dropped my keys in the parking lot and didn't realize it, and a woman wanted to return them to me, I would expect she'd just say "Excuse me, you dropped your keys." and hand them to me. If she added anything like "sir", I'd expect that she considered me her senior.

[Rifleman]

Yeah, damned if I do, damned if I don't.

If you are old enough to have kids... I'm calling you Ma'am

if you are a kid... I'm calling you Miss

I guess I'm just going to have to be wrong, if I call you "ma'am" and you get miffed, I'll be more then happy to let you toss your own 50# feed bags.


ladies, If you want your men to be chivalrous, be sure to tell your girlfriends to shut their mouth when they want to give a guy the business for opening a door or "ladies first"... you got to start thanking and being greatfull, teach your daughters, sisters... girlfriends - smile and say thank you.

damn I must be old....

[Rifleman]

Jim, I would agree...with the exception that every self defense / firearms training class I've ever taken warns us to watch out for people saying "excuse me".

excuse me is used frequently by a person who is trying to get inside that "safe distance" with out raising your personal alarm... excuse me assumes they are having some kind of difficulty and need some help... and use it as a ploy to get you to drop your guard.

thus I never approach an unknown female saying "excuse me"... if they have taken any class this raises the red flag, which is exactly what i'm trying NOT to do...


meh, just venting... all good advice, just needs to be weighed with the situation.

[Triple Jim]

Ha, well I guess the unknown female will have to decide whether to accept my help or shoot me after I say "excuse me" to her.

Living where you now do, you will not sound silly or imply anything unusual by using "ma'am". I speak from my experience of living in the south.

[Rifleman]

Yep, I'll agree that it's much more accepted south of the Mason-Dixon line.

Plus I already have the curly mustache so I have 2 of the 4 "Southern Gentlemen" requirements... in 20 years I'll look like Col. Sanders, but right now no white suit and my hair is brown, not white.

[Triple Jim]

That stuff about Southern Gentleman in a white suit is incorrect. Any 16 year old, a 40 year old, or 70 year old could all just as well address any female as "ma'am" in the south.

If "excuse me" is undesirable, how about simply "Can you use some help?"

[Rifleman]

all good, and yes, I could just drop the "ma'am" part...


only it's a part of who I am, "Ma'am" gives the female the heads up that I'm addressing her, in, what up until one hour ago, I thought was a respectful and non-threatening way.

I don't know, just got my hackles up because what I thought was right, correct, and proper, i'm now being told is wrong, sexist, and demeaning...

it's not so much a kick to my "nards" as it is a slap in the face to people like my grandfather that taught me it was the right way to do things...




what I really REALLY need to do is ignore click bait... ignore ignore IGNORE!!!!

[Triple Jim]

You're worrying way too much about something that's not worth worrying about. That may not be a bad character trait though. But really, if you're sincerely trying to help someone, I bet that will be obvious no matter how you might phrase your offer.

I'm not sure if you've lived in the south before, but if not I expect you'll be pleasantly surprised. Where I live, it's normal to say hello to strangers when passing in a parking lot or on the sidewalk. When waiting at a doctor's office I might strike up a conversation with another patient that I've never met. When I approach a store clerk to ask a question or pay, it's normal to say hello and ask how he/she is before getting to business. It's very different from what I was used to in the DC area that I grew up in. I've returned to that area for a visit and gone for a walk in my old neighborhood, and laughed when I passed someone living in the same neighborhood who pretends to be interested in a tree in the opposite direction as we pass. It startles him/her when I say hello anyway.

[MLR]

Common courtesy sadly isn't common anymore.

Greatings and pleasantries are now not expected by the majority of people, I was brought up to always introduce myself and be polite.

Same same for respect, the way people talk at people instead of talking to them, swearing in public in earshot of women and children, it also amuses me when I when I ask people to watch their language because of the present company, most of the time they comply, sometimes though they get upset and try to make a scene.

We were at a function with work a while ago and some prat was drunk and swearing in front of the members families, I told him to watch his language, he told me to **** off, I asked him if he thought if it was OK to swear infront of the family members then it should be fine with the family members to punch him in the face everytime he did it, he left.

After he left I was approched by some of the family members and thanked.

I admit in oldish, 52, but if I talked like that when I was young infront of women and kids I would have been had my arse handed to me by my father.

I have young kids myself now and insist on them doing the right thing, whether that is being courteous or doing what is or morally correct.

I can see the difference between my kids and others, so can other people, they are always complemented on there manners, it makes me happy, plus it also "opens doors" for them.

Don't get me wrong though, whilst they are polite and use good ethical decisions, don't think they are a push over, they can and have destroy people, albeit with good manners and righteous authority.

To the OP, I use Ma'am if they are with company, if they are not with company I just excuse myself and ask my question.

[CaliGrrl]

Won't be me giving a guy the business if he holds a door for me. I view door-holding as a thing one human does to be polite to the human behind them, regardless of gender. And you say thank you for it.

[MrAtom]

"Hey, man"
"Dude"
"Bro"
"brotha"
"Homie"

I've yet to hear any woman complain about the above.

If I know them, they'll usually get a loud "Hay gurl!" or "Hey, baby!" if we're both in public (this is regardless of gender. Most guys don't like it).

[allanoue]

I use ma'am all the time and only get smiles in return. That was the case when I lived north or south of the Mason-Dixion line or when I lived in SoCali.

"Yes Ma'am" is the how to

[DEFY]

Originally Posted by MLR

Same same for respect, the way people talk at people instead of talking to them, swearing in public in earshot of women and children, it also amuses me when I when I ask people to watch their language because of the present company, most of the time they comply, sometimes though they get upset and try to make a scene.

So the whole asking some one to watch their language is fine when they are tossing the words around like they are the only vocab they know. However, I do take offense to those who subject their view on my language when I use one fowl word, and it may be on accident. I especially take offense when they do it for a word that is only offensive to their extremist moral background.

[allanoue]

Originally Posted by DEFY

So the whole asking some one to watch their language is fine when they are tossing the words around like they are the only vocab they know. However, I do take offense to those who subject their view on my language when I use one fowl word, and it may be on accident. I especially take offense when they do it for a word that is only offensive to their extremist moral background.

Any foul language is unexceptable around young kids.

[DEFY]

Originally Posted by allanoue

Any foul language is unexceptable around young kids.

And I'm not saying encourage or discourage, those views are up to the family raising the kid. My words are leaned toward my response to a verbal grammar Nazi. I never attempt to use foul language and respect anyone's input but if in a 4 hour convo I accidentally use the word "Damn" once and your going to stop and point it out to me then I'm going to have a harsher view of your character.

However, if in 10 mins I use at least 2 curse words then I am fine with that being brought to my attention and would respect your words.

[Triple Jim]

"Curse words" is a funny concept. When the Normans conquered the Saxons, they decreed that Saxon words were vulgar, and not to be used any more. The Saxons used words like f*** for intercourse, s*** for excrement, etc.. I'm not sure why we concern ourselves with what words are vulgar and what words are not.

Petey Greene was a black talk show host in the DC area in the 1970s and early '80s. He always called black people n* and white people crackers. He explained that if everyone would always do that, the words would lose the negative connotations and would no longer make people feel bad. I liked Petey. I guess he'd be disappointed that I didn't use the full word though.

[verboten1]

Originally Posted by allanoue

Any foul language is unexceptable around young kids.

Unless the person is scolding you for saying stupid, or dang, or fart.

[allanoue]

booger

http://www.foxnews.com/lifestyle/201...-good-for.html

[CaliGrrl]

I must have Anglo-Saxon in my background....

[DannoXYZ]

Originally Posted by MLR

Common courtesy sadly isn't common anymore.

Mark, you are right on! In U.S., part of problem that's gotten worse in past 20-30yrs is lot of parents don't want to raise their kids and teach them morals and manners. Seems to be lacking that in themselves. Latest stats show about 60-70% did not want kids anyway and view them as a burden. As a result, they've shifted the burden of raising their kids onto our schools. Causes quite a mess and A LOT more of the horrible incident you've described.