Need some advice...Marriage fail part II

[bob706]

About a year ago my wife and I were on the brink of divorce and with some counciling we pulled through. (there's a thread about that somewhere)
Everthing is seamingly going well until about two months ago when my wife calls me at work irate as hell about something. It was something to do with bank accounts my mother had set up for her two kids. She closed the account without telling my wife or me a year ago when we were on the outs. So understandably my wife is mad. However she blames me and wants me to move out and divorce this, blah blah blah. She could not be reasoned with, says she's had enough. BTW, she moved our kid on the couch and is sleeping in her bed. This is mid March.

My wife recently went to Pennsylvania to visit her sick grandmother. The night they left my daughter was reading something on her facebook account aloud that caught my attention. It was something like, "you know who you are I love you". Kinda weird but I thought she was referencing our daughter. Well it was gnawing at me for a few days and since I don't know my wife's facebook password there was nothing I could really do except ask her when she gets back. However I did remember her yahoo account which happens to get facebook notices. Turns out she is sleeping with some guy since from what I can tell, mid March.

Now I have had suspicions before about possible infidelity but know I know. Just don't know the extent and don't really care to know. Still kinda hurts even though it's over.

So I guess I'm asking if anyone else has had similar experiences and has any advice to offer.

[bob706]

Forgot to ask if it's illegal to go on someone else's email account even if you know the account info. Should I print out any emails that prove infidelity?

[adri99an]

I think not knowing the entire story of why it happened...what she did...why she did it...is going to eat you alive. You need to go through all the grieving steps....from anger....acceptance...to frogiveness...to closure.....

It might keep you awake at night and doubt yourself unless you know all the facts.

[Too40gawlf]

Sorry to hear about your troubles.

This is going to be a very painful experience for you, but the best bet is to realize that right off the bat and understand that the next year or two is going to suck.

My advice would be to get a lawyer ASAP. If you have a nice firearm collection, give them (sell) to a friend for the time being. Start taking steps to protect yourself financially. Your number one priority is your daughter, but after that everything else is to take care of yourself and your assets.

Just stay away from the temptation to take her and her new friend on a fishing trip. That will cross your mind, but I assure you that route will end very badly.

From what you've described so far, this lowlife is guaranteed to try to make your life miserable. Just watch, she will blame you for everything. Go see a lawyer tomorrow ASAP.

[bob706]

I do have a consult with a lawyer lined up for Wednesday but I think I'll try to get one for Monday. I should have went for a goddamm ride this morning instead of letting my curiousity get the better of me. Ignorance is bliss I guess. This is really staring to fookin hurt. Think I'll go have a good cry and carry on.

[Too40gawlf]

I had to follow up on my previous post. Ive heard or seen your story dozens of times - this is not going to end happily. You have two choices: either do nothing and wait to get ****ed even more brutally than you have already or be proactive and start taking measures to protect yourself.

The important thing is you have to detach yourself emotionally. You may have loved her, but the person she is today is not the person you love. That person is dead sure as if she had fallen off a cliff and is never coming back. If you dont squash your emotions and handle things logically she will manipulate those emotions. Dont let on that you know either, just try to do your day to day things while you are preparing to get yourself in the best position possible for the divorce.

Its your life, go the route you choose. My advice is just that, of a random dickhead on the internet, but Im telling you, youre not the first guy this has happened to and its not magically going to resolve itself in your case either.

Find a good divorce lawyer as quick as you can. Trying to save money right now on a lawyer will end up costing you later when you get blasted in court.

Good luck and I hope your recovery is quick.

[bob706]

Thanks Eric. I really appreciate the advice

[Live2ride]

My parents went through something very similar; If I were you, I would print out all the e-mails and make multiple copies (just in case) to show them to your lawyer. Your lawyer should be able to tell you whether or not they can be used as evidence. It really sucks that you have to go through this because I know how difficult it is first hand; I wish you the best of luck and hope all ends well.

p.s. Do not in any way show intense anger in front of your children or wife about this; it could and most likely would be used against you in court. I know it will be difficult but it plays a major role in determining custody of the children which I'm sure is very very important to you.

[Too40gawlf]

Originally Posted by bob706

Thanks Eric. I really appreciate the advice

Good luck Sean. This is likely going to be the most traumatic point of your life. Try to have friends around you that you can share your emotions with. If all else fails, you've got folks here to talk to a PM away. When you're having especially dark days and low points, always try to remember that life is cyclical, it swings from good to bad to back again.

[alex.s]

bitches... can't live with 'em... can't shoot 'em. sorry to hear it man.

[EsrTek]

Originally Posted by bob706

Forgot to ask if it's illegal to go on someone else's email account even if you know the account info. Should I print out any emails that prove infidelity?

Provided the email passwords where saved on the PC, there is nothing illegal there. It would be different if you tried multiple times before finding the right password.

As for the rest I can not give you advice .. but I wish you the best and would follow the advice from Eric (not me).

[Honko]

I've never been married, so obviously I won't act like I have any idea what you're going through or how you should handle it, but I did read this article a while back about wanting it to just be over with so you can move on, thought it was pretty insightful.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-..._b_852806.html

Too bad you don't live in one of the 7 states that allow you to sue for alienation of affection.

[mrlmd]

I hate to hear this and don't want to give bad advice, but I've been there before as have a lot of my friends. So here goes anyway.
Are you and she on civil terms now? DO NOT get into any fights with her, about anything. You don't want a call to the police about "physical or mental brutality" or "threatening behavior". If that happens you will be escorted out of your own house by the police, maybe arrested, and you won't like all that bullshit that goes along with that.
She has probably been brewing about this for a long time or planning it, and she just found an excuse to get it out and let you have it. There was nothing sudden about her decision, she just found the right opportunity and grabbed it.
Does your state have any laws against adultery as a grounds for divorce, or is it just "incompatible differences"? You are in a much better place if the former is true and you can prove it. Her "settlement" will be much less if you can prove adultery if you are in one of those states.
Are you in a community property state or in an equitable distribution state as far as dividing up assets? You have to ask your lawyer these things, and see one ASAP to protect yourself.
She will try and blame you for her affair, that YOU drove her away from you and caused the marriage to break up but do not even listen to that crap or get sucked in with a guilt trip about that. People who cheat made their own conscious decision to do that, it's one of their sociopathic disorder personality flaws, you didn't "make her" do that, she chose to do it. And, in most cases, they will do it again. so she will do it to the next guy, and her current "lover" should be aware that he may be the next victim she cheats on some day. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.
So, stay on real civil terms with her, try and talk, she what she really wants, she may just be really angry about something, or she really may not want to live with you anymore. If that's the case, talk to a lawyer, and you can go see more than one.
If you want to play dirty and really protect yourself, you go to the best few in town and get a few consultations, get a feel how they operate, and if you see them first, she cannot, out of a conflict of interest, retain any of them.
Sorry, but be prepared for a year, if you are lucky, or a year and a half, of the most miserable time in your life, while you and your lawyer argue with her and her lawyer, about all kinds of crap, mostly about money and splitting up assets. You will save a lot of grief (and money) if the two of you work out the details rather than having the lawyers do it because their interests don't revolve around you but their ticking time clocks and hourly fees.
If you talk to her and you both are amenable, you could try counseling again instead of just throwing in the towel, but if it seems like a done deal that you both have your minds made up, keep it civil, especially no raised voices or fighting in front of the kid (the real victim in this) and the unpleasantries will be minimized.
It may take a while, but you will feel great when it's all over and you are free of this.
In the meantime, go out for a ride, and be aware of the bike and your surroundings and don't think of any of this on the road.

[bob706]

Originally Posted by mrlmd

I hate to hear this and don't want to give bad advice, but I've been there before as have a lot of my friends. So here goes anyway.
Are you and she on civil terms now? DO NOT get into any fights with her, about anything. You don't want a call to the police about "physical or mental brutality" or "threatening behavior". If that happens you will be escorted out of your own house by the police, maybe arrested, and you won't like all that bullshit that goes along with that.
She has probably been brewing about this for a long time or planning it, and she just found an excuse to get it out and let you have it. There was nothing sudden about her decision, she just found the right opportunity and grabbed it.
Does your state have any laws against adultery as a grounds for divorce, or is it just "incompatible differences"? You are in a much better place if the former is true and you can prove it. Her "settlement" will be much less if you can prove adultery if you are in one of those states.
Are you in a community property state or in an equitable distribution state as far as dividing up assets? You have to ask your lawyer these things, and see one ASAP to protect yourself.
She will try and blame you for her affair, that YOU drove her away from you and caused the marriage to break up but do not even listen to that crap or get sucked in with a guilt trip about that. People who cheat made their own conscious decision to do that, it's one of their sociopathic disorder personality flaws, you didn't "make her" do that, she chose to do it. And, in most cases, they will do it again. so she will do it to the next guy, and her current "lover" should be aware that he may be the next victim she cheats on some day. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.
So, stay on real civil terms with her, try and talk, she what she really wants, she may just be really angry about something, or she really may not want to live with you anymore. If that's the case, talk to a lawyer, and you can go see more than one.
If you want to play dirty and really protect yourself, you go to the best few in town and get a few consultations, get a feel how they operate, and if you see them first, she cannot, out of a conflict of interest, retain any of them.
Sorry, but be prepared for a year, if you are lucky, or a year and a half, of the most miserable time in your life, while you and your lawyer argue with her and her lawyer, about all kinds of crap, mostly about money and splitting up assets. You will save a lot of grief (and money) if the two of you work out the details rather than having the lawyers do it because their interests don't revolve around you but their ticking time clocks and hourly fees.
If you talk to her and you both are amenable, you could try counseling again instead of just throwing in the towel, but if it seems like a done deal that you both have your minds made up, keep it civil, especially no raised voices or fighting in front of the kid (the real victim in this) and the unpleasantries will be minimized.
It may take a while, but you will feel great when it's all over and you are free of this.
In the meantime, go out for a ride, and be aware of the bike and your surroundings and don't think of any of this on the road.

Thanks Marc. I'm in Florida, couple hours to your west. Gonna see an attourney in the morning

[EsrTek]

1 bit of good advice I can give, is:
Go see every GOOD Divorce lawyer in the area, even if you don't 'hire' them, she can not use them either.
A friend of mine's wife did that to him before she announced their divorce. It cost him extra time off work to find a lawyer/go see the lawyer several times a month, because he was not in local area.

[austexjg]

Sorry about the situation - this type of situation always makes me to think about longer term relationships. I hope at least things go your way from here on out...

[Liber]

Sean, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I've never been married, but I have lived through the divorce of my parents and that of my cousin's.

The advice that everyone has been giving you so far is spot on. Lawyer up. Gather as much evidence as you can and let the Lawyer sort it out. Make sure your finances are straight and accounted for with hard copies that only you/your lawyer can access.

I would also agree that it is a good idea to transfer any weapons you have to a friend/relative for the time being, with a signed Bill of Sale. People do unreasonable things when backed into a corner, and if you initiate this divorce with all your ducks in a row, you wife will feel like she has no room to move.

That being said, I want to give you the perspective of a child of divorced parents. The best thing you can do, is to keep this a private matter between you and your wife as best as you can. I don't know how old your daughter is, but she will naturally be curious. Explain to her the bare minimum. As badly as you want to, do NOT try to turn her against your wife. You and your wife should come to some kind of agreement that the kids should not be involved at all.

My parents kept me out of the loop, and I didn't find out all the details until after entering adulthood, until I could fully understand the gravity of a serious relationship. I grew up visiting my father one weekend a month(we live half a state away from each other) for most of my childhood, but he is easily one of the most important/loved people in my life, always has been always will be just as important/loved as my mother. My parents acted like adults about the whole ordeal when I was around, even though I'm sure hurtful things were said behind closed doors.

When my Aunt and Uncle got divorced, they decided to drag our entire family into the black hole that their marriage had become. My uncle, who is my blood relative, regularly copied e-mails from his ex, and forwarded them to us, and his OWN SON. As a result of my uncle's juvenile behavior, my cousin has almost zero respect for either of his parents. He's convinced his mother is crazy(literally) and his father is an asshole.

tl;dr: good advice in this thread so far, get a lawyer and your ducks in a row, don't get your kids involved.

EDIT: made some clarifications and small grammar fixes.

[Ninja Assassin]

Hate seeing stuff like this. Just can't fathom how some peoples minds work. Eric seems to hve given really good advice. I'm going through a very similar situation and something i keep trying to make myself grasp is that she's simply not the person i fell in love with. That person is dead. Even she admits she just isn't who she was. It's just hard as hell letting everything you've worked for go b/c of someone elses selfish reasons.

Like you, i'm pretty sure my wife cheated about a year ago. "rumors" startd going around their work place and me and the dudes wife got phone calls. We confronted them and they both swore up and down blah blah blah. I never had any proof but i know deep down. I knew when it was happening. I just wanted to pretend it didn't. They ended their thing i guess. Things were good between us for about a year and now its finally just coming down to ending it.

Anyways, i sort of know how you feel and i'm right there with you man. Best of luck.

[CThunder-blue]

Sean, let us know how the meeting with the lawyer went. Also, I would def print out those emails.

How do you feel about what's going on? Do you still love her? Do you still want to spend the rest of your life with her? Some people on here may find it difficult to accept that a person who's been cheated on will forgive the other person and find a way to make things work. It's hard to explain how you feel about a person after having spent every day of your life with them for the past decade (as in my case). I'm guessing you've been married for at least as long as your daughter has been around. Love doesn't disappear in a single instant. It takes a long time to go from love to unloved. I say unloved instead of hate because, some people just fall out of love, but they don't hate each other.

Figure out how you want to proceed before making any rash decisions. I can't imagine that you would want to stay with her, but make sure you don't fall into raging arguments. Be an adult, even if she isn't. If she screams or yells at you, take a deep breath and reply in a normal tone of voice. Ask her to be civil with you. Good luck!

[bob706]

Originally Posted by Ninja Assassin

Hate seeing stuff like this. Just can't fathom how some peoples minds work. Eric seems to hve given really good advice. I'm going through a very similar situation and something i keep trying to make myself grasp is that she's simply not the person i fell in love with. That person is dead. Even she admits she just isn't who she was. It's just hard as hell letting everything you've worked for go b/c of someone elses selfish reasons.

Like you, i'm pretty sure my wife cheated about a year ago. "rumors" startd going around their work place and me and the dudes wife got phone calls. We confronted them and they both swore up and down blah blah blah. I never had any proof but i know deep down. I knew when it was happening. I just wanted to pretend it didn't. They ended their thing i guess. Things were good between us for about a year and now its finally just coming down to ending it.

Anyways, i sort of know how you feel and i'm right there with you man. Best of luck.

I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone. Just gotta come to grips with it and move on. I am trying to detatch who she is now from who she was then and I think that is worse than the infidelity. It does hurt that it's happening this way but when I think about it, I think I am mouring the loss of the woman I knew. It does feel like she passed away.

Anyway, I want to thank everyone for your posting. I appreciate it more than anyone will ever know.

I did retain a lawyer this morning and have started to get the ball rolling. I'll try not to post too much sobbing and wallowing in self pity.

[bob706]

Originally Posted by CThunder-blue

Sean, let us know how the meeting with the lawyer went. Also, I would def print out those emails.

How do you feel about what's going on? Do you still love her? Do you still want to spend the rest of your life with her? Some people on here may find it difficult to accept that a person who's been cheated on will forgive the other person and find a way to make things work. It's hard to explain how you feel about a person after having spent every day of your life with them for the past decade (as in my case). I'm guessing you've been married for at least as long as your daughter has been around. Love doesn't disappear in a single instant. It takes a long time to go from love to unloved. I say unloved instead of hate because, some people just fall out of love, but they don't hate each other.

Figure out how you want to proceed before making any rash decisions. I can't imagine that you would want to stay with her, but make sure you don't fall into raging arguments. Be an adult, even if she isn't. If she screams or yells at you, take a deep breath and reply in a normal tone of voice. Ask her to be civil with you. Good luck!

I found out that in Florida, cheating rarely factors into a divorce. I did print out what emails I could and my lawyer kept them just in case.
We have been married 13 years. Her first marriage last 3 or 4. Do I still love her? Of coarse. Am I still in love? No. My wife has had no problem stating (in the torrid emails) her love for this new guy. And let me tell you, that hurts like nobodys business. She just got back from a trip today and I haven't seen or talked to her since I found out what's been going on. I will be civil and not yell but damn I am afraid to look at her for fear of just completly breaking down.

[CThunder-blue]

Do you think you would forgive her if she repented? Think of the different ways things can play out and be prepared for each one. If you are REALLY determined that this has ended your marriage, then be strong in case she cries or even yells and says it's your fault. From what you've already written, it seems she's going to blame her extra-marital affair on you. If/when you confront her, like Liber said, try to do it when the kid isn't around. Not sure if you're Christian, but if you are, then God is right there with you and all you gotta do is pray for guidance and strength.

[miss_syn]

About the password thing - it's a grey area. She gave you the password but technically she is the only one who is supposed to use the account information.

It's like giving someone the keys to your house and saying they were trespassing. I would let your lawyer figure out what to do about that. You don't want to say anything one way or another because computer crimes are federal and ... yeah.

Also, I'm sorry for what's happening to you. Remember your daughter is the first priority, you, then your assets. Don't let your child suffer.

[Vampyre]

I saw a news story about a guy who went to jail for snooping his wife's email. Most states if falls under felony mail tampering.

[CThunder-blue]

Originally Posted by Vampyre

I saw a news story about a guy who went to jail for snooping his wife's email. Most states if falls under felony mail tampering.

That's pretty crappy. If your marriage is good, why is there any need for mistrust? My wife and I actually share our email address. It's why it's tricharlotte. lol. And no, that name wasn't my idea.

[bob706]

Originally Posted by Vampyre

I saw a news story about a guy who went to jail for snooping his wife's email. Most states if falls under felony mail tampering.

I use to know my wifes facebook info. She would let me use her account to play games. She obviously changed that password but left a yahoo account without changing it. Was I snooping? Guilty. But I didn't have tear the place apart looking for any passwords. Besides, she knows or has since forgotten my email account. All she would find there is nuthin but ninjette stuff

[JoeLansing]

Originally Posted by bob706

We have been married 13 years.

In Michigan they can normally get 1/2 of your retirement savings after 15 years or so. You're close so.... I've had 2 divorces. After the last one I got a cute little rice grinder wife from Philippines. After 6 years we couldn't be happier.

- Joe

[Too40gawlf]

Originally Posted by JoeLansing

In Michigan they can normally get 1/2 of your retirement savings after 15 years or so. You're close so.... I've had 2 divorces. After the last one I got a cute little rice grinder wife from Philippines. After 6 years we couldn't be happier.

- Joe

I keep hearing that the service schedule is so much longer and the cost of maintenance so much lower than the U.S models. But I've been hesitant to get one as I kinda like my bigger displacement rides. Maybe Eastern Europe will be the solution, combining the best of both East and West?

[Alex]

Joe - is that you introduce your beloved?

[Snake]

Originally Posted by Alex

Joe - is that you introduce your beloved?

I'm sure those are terms of indeerment...just don't let her find out.

[Vampyre]

Originally Posted by JoeLansing

In Michigan they can normally get 1/2 of your retirement savings after 15 years or so. You're close so.... I've had 2 divorces. After the last one I got a cute little rice grinder wife from Philippines. After 6 years we couldn't be happier.

- Joe

Mine is from the Philippines as well, and my name is Joe too...lol

[kyrider]

Nothing better than a good woman and nothing worse than a bad one.

[mrlmd]

In Florida, infidelity or adultery means nothing extra - it's just irreconcilable differences that are the grounds for divorce, that you two don't want to or can't live together, so the email evidence you have doesn't matter at all and won't play any part in a judge's decision about anything. It serves no purpose and she will get really pissed if she finds out you have it. Just let your lawyer hold it and don't ever bring it up to her. You can confront her about her boyfriend if you want but don't tell her how you found out by going through her emails - just tell her someone you know saw them out together, more than once. If you calmly and quietly try to talk to her about this and you see that real serious intensive counseling is not acceptable, that your future together is a dead issue, then file for a divorce as quickly as possible and protect yourself as far as your bank account goes. Ask your lawyer about taking at least 1/2 of the money out of any joint savings and checking accounts you two may share, and enough to pay the mortgage and rent for a while, just so she doesn't take off with the whole thing when she finds out what you are doing. You can't strip it all out. And open up a new account and only put your money in there from now on.
Did you go to see more than one lawyer, so she can't use them?
Like I said before, be ready for this to last at least a year 'till you file all the papers and disclosure forms, go through mediation, negotiate a settlement between the two of you and finally get a court date.

[BISH]

Sorry to hear about this mate. Ive just come through the same situation after splitting up from my ex-wife 3 years ago. Im not to good on the legal side as our laws are different over here but the emotional side I can talk about. Exscuse my bluntless but theres no way of sugar coating what I'm going to say. Life is going to be very, very crappy over the next couple of years so get prepared now,
1, DONT EVER take your emotional baggage with you for a ride out, think of your children. It took a scary moment for this to sink in and bring me back to earth. I put a photo of my little girl in a keyring and attatched it to the bike key so that she was always there to remind me not to do anything more stupid.

2, Find somebody you can talk/shout/cry to. They're worth their weight in gold, it needs to be somebody who can bring you up when your having a low.

3, As hard as it might be dont say anything bad about your wife in front of your children. I made a real effort with this and make sure your friends and family do the same. Children have a wonderfull knack of pretending they're not listening when really they're soaking up everything being said.

4, I can assure you now there will be times when you doubt yourself about if you should of split up and you will feel guilty about putting your children through it all. Remember its a temporary thought and will pass, when your feeling like this just think back to how she made you feel crap like now. This is where having somebody to talk to can help who will remind you of the bad times.

5, There IS light at the end of the tunnel! Remember your children and use that as a reason not to give up. Things WILL get better with time no matter how bad your feeling!

Sorry for the long post and the doom and gloom but these are all from experience and sometimes its better just to say them outright.

[chef]

Oh man...i feel for you & from experience can only say to think about what effects any decisions you make now will have in the future,think with your head & not your heart at the moment,i imagine one of your biggest priorities will be to ensure you have access to your child?
The lawyers will tell you the best case scenario,that you could even get custody but i imagine the divorce laws in the U.s are pretty similar to Australia,it is a fact that you will have to pay a substantial settlement amount,plus child support etc...etc,there is no escaping it,minimizing it is your goal.
I fought in the courts tooth & nail,had evidence of my wife's affair but at the end of the day it really doesn't make any difference if 1 partner has decided its over,in the end i realized that while my marriage was over,my future relationship with our child was the most important thing.I had many years of my former wife making it difficult to have access & it sucks.
Think things through & be calm which i know is not easy.

Good luck bro & when people tell you it gets better,try & believe them,you can make it happen.

[mrlmd]

Go to this site and read everything you can, it will help you understand what happened, the psychology of cheating, how you (or maybe both of you) can deal with it. If you understand what happened, and what happens next, it will make it a little less painful, and a little easier to "heal" from this, if you ever do. Don't do this alone.

http://www.beyondaffairs.com/index.htm

And specifically read this article from that site -

http://www.beyondaffairs.com/article...stay_or_go.htm

Hope this helps, it's not fun getting betrayed by someone you love. Or loved.

[bob706]

Originally Posted by mrlmd

Did you go to see more than one lawyer, so she can't use them?

That would have taken forever Two of the ones I did call told me there was no conflict so I know she didn't talk to them. And I know the lawyer I retained this morning won't be taking to her.
My lawyer did go through pretty much everything with me and did say adultery most of the time doesn't mean anything. I guess it's ok to cheat on your spouse in Florida. Man, we can't get anything right in this state. Can't count votes in an election, we let child murders off the hook, etc

[DarkNinja52]

Hey Sean, I'm sorry to hear about this, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. These things always seem to happen to the nicest guys unfortunately. You do need closure though or else you'll always wonder the facts.

You know were all here for you. Time heals all wounds. Try to stay strong, ok buddy?

[bob706]

3am here. Venting. Earlier I told my wife that I hired an attorney. She gets mad (of coarse) and I also lay down the fact I know what she has been up to. She asks how I know and I tell her about her email. She doesn't admit to anything right away but eventually fesses up. So at this point I'm the biggest in the world. How dare I snoop around and how dare I talk to my friends about what's happening. See a pattern developing?

Anyway, she calms down and I tell it like it is. I lay all my feelings out on the table, tell her there is no coming back from what has gone on. She goes on to tell me that pretty much she is screwing this guy because she reached her boiling point. Basically, because I wasn't the most freaking perfect husband for 13 years. Through the coarse of this lastest talk/arguement I have determined that everything bad that has happened is my fault and everything wrong that she has done is my fault. At one point I think she did feel sorry for sleeping around but still ended up saying I pushed her to it.

I have come to the conclusion that her cheating has saved me from a miserable life. It will be worth the pain I have felt to be rid of her. While I have not been a perfect husband or father I will no longer be constantly reminded of my faults.

I don't know if this rambling makes any sense but it sure helps to get it out of my system.

[Snake]

Getting things off your chest is a good thing and know that you have a support group here that will listen without passing judgment because none of us knows what you are going through without being in your shoes. Even if some of us are or have gone through what you are going through, it is not the same so we can't say do this or do that because what works for others may not work for you. The best help comes from listening and being supportive.
Take care and be strong.