This new national hot topic of "bullying"

[zartan]

Originally Posted by GeneJunkie

If having this topic in the lime light now saves just even 1 child from being bullied as hard as I was, it's worth having people think that the American public has gone soft.

+1 and if I treated someone like that as a child and my parents knew, I would be inline for a beatin'and grounded for life. I can remember getting spanked about 3-5times ever. So I was not beaten as a child but I KNEW MY BOUNDRIES.

My folks paid attention and taught me how to be a human. I just wish I had more time with them as a child before they left this world.

PARENTS teach your children to be kind.

Now days bullying can take place 24/7 on the internet, phone, school, kids don't get that break at home like us older kids here had the luxury of.


lesson one.
don't be dicks. it is just plain simple.

[CThunder-blue]

Originally Posted by sombo

Yes they were liberals. They fought for a society that wanted civil liberties for it's people. They fought to make a country with a small government ruled by the people, not the elite. They fought to make a country for freedom from the old ways for those the people.

First, Jefferson freed his slaves because of what he believed in. So there goes your argument on that one. Second, you have to remember that back then the slaves weren't even considered people. Therefore they were not included in what many of the founding fathers were trying to build. Those that did view slaves as people freed the slaves they had and worked to try and convince others of the same. They didn't abolish slavery at that time because too many of the south wouldn't have it since they refused to see blacks as people instead of just property.

If they were conservatives as you are trying to suggest then they would have listened to those in congress who wanted things to remain as they were. There were those who wanted to remain part of England. To want to hold on to the traditional system and refuse a change of the system is conservative thinking. The founding fathers were liberals trying to create a country based on the civil rights and liberties of the people. Stop listening to social media and being twisted to their warped ideas of what liberalism is because they are dead wrong.

conservative (kənˈsɜːvətɪv) [Click for IPA pronunciation guide]

— adj
1. favouring the preservation of established customs, values, etc, and opposing innovation

— n
7. a person who is reluctant to change or consider new ideas; conformist

Is that what our founding fathers sound like? Men who wanted to stay as just colonies under the tyranny of England?

What our founding fathers did was liberalism at it's truest. What the government is doing now is no where near what liberalism stands for. They continue to take away civil liberties while not protecting the people from those that would do us harm. That includes corporations that want to take advantage of and abuse the masses for self gain. Not sure what political system they are functioning as, but it's not a true democracy, it's not socialism, it's not communism, and it's not liberalism. In fact the closest there is would be fascism.

everyone has their own interpretation of history. It's fine if you want to believe what you are saying. good for you. Neither you, nor I will know what went thru the minds of those men and so we have opinions. Definitions change all the time. We have new words because of the way society changes and so those definitions change as well. What I consider liberalism isn't what you agree with. If you really feel the need to nitpick about definitions, then I will say that I blame what society considers liberalism by today's standards. In short, I still blame liberalism.

[sombo]

Originally Posted by CThunder-blue

everyone has their own interpretation of history. It's fine if you want to believe what you are saying. good for you. Neither you, nor I will know what went thru the minds of those men and so we have opinions. Definitions change all the time. We have new words because of the way society changes and so those definitions change as well. What I consider liberalism isn't what you agree with. If you really feel the need to nitpick about definitions, then I will say that I blame what society considers liberalism by today's standards. In short, I still blame liberalism.

Ok, that I can agree with. I'm just trying to bring awareness to the fact that what the media labels as liberalism is 100% wrong. I'm sick of hearing how liberalism (a term in which every dictionary and such has the same definition) is evil just because the corporate news networks wants it to be. I want people to wake up and open their eyes to see that liberalism is about personal liberties and freedoms. Corporate media (FOX mostly) likes to use lies, misquotes, and partial quotes to twist speeches, public figures, and demonstrations to mean the exact opposite of what they are when reported by these corporate news medias. I've seen more false reporting, hate spreading, apologies, and retractions made by FOX news then any other news source out there. That is why I don't watch them, cause I won't listen to their lies anymore.

As for bullying, I was bullied all the way up to and including college. In elementary and middle school I was the prime target for most of the bullying. In some ways it has made me strong. But it has also hurt my self confidence, and made me mostly shy to new people. When I go out, I usually am quiet and retracted from most of the action. Like a little turtle just watching.

It wasn't until I was in the Army that I finally found a place that felt like home with people that believed in me and supported me instead of degrading me and pushing me around. I will always love the Army and those I served with for that.

[tapdiggy]

Originally Posted by Daeldren

Its the same way this generation is going to have a hard time when they fail in their lives, kids nowadays are given silver spoons and sheltered their entire lives. They don't learn that life involves risks and yes you will fall on your ass many times, suck it up and tie your boots.

Bullying, it happens and as long as there are no lethal weapons involved its a natural order of life, the bruises will heal and so will their ego.

Agreed. The majority of people my age (early/mid 20-somethings) don't have a clue how to cope well.

[peachdiddy]

Seriously. We're allowing kids to be "holy ****" kinda fat (oh noes, he said it ), allowing them to drive $40,000 vehicles when they should get a $1,000 beater and get made fun of for it. I think the mistake parents make now is teaching their kids to just turn the other cheek. My mother told me ("m..m..momma said") that I needed to stand my ground and make the kid that was bullying me miserable. And that's what I'm going to teach my kids.

Nuff said

[ally99]

Originally Posted by zartan

+1 and if I treated someone like that as a child and my parents knew, I would be inline for a beatin'and grounded for life. I can remember getting spanked about 3-5times ever. So I was not beaten as a child but I KNEW MY BOUNDRIES.

PARENTS teach your children to be kind.

Zartan, THAT is the most important. Teachers are bombarded w/ SOOOO many kids, so much curriculum, and so little time, not to mention school/district/state demands that are getting more and more unreasonable. We try to intervene, but much bullying is done when we're not around. We try to then punish the evil-doer, but it continues when we're not around. We're often not backed my administration who has myriads of things to do and exponentially more kids than even we do. It's a vicious, ugly cycle, and we can NOT CURB BULLYING WITHOUT PARENTS' HELP.
Ok, off soapbox.

[bdavison]

Quit telling kids to chug on over to mamby pamby land and eat rainbows at the cupcake factory. Stop feeding them steroid filled chicken nuggets, ritalin, and bottled evian water, and make em eat some veggies and drink from the garden hose. Then we wont have so many of these whining brats running around with a McDonalds induced testosterone deficit.

Replace all the left wing wacko politically correct teachers with ex-military drill instructors, and we will get kids that walk straight, stand tall, know history, respect authority, and will throw down when the going gets tough instead of curling up into the fetal position and crying for Obama when conflict arises.


Toughen up America!

[FrugalNinja250]

What is ironic is that people who seem to support bullying as normal part of childhood and a good way to create fine upstanding adults are always confused and unable to comprehend when bullying victims like Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold finally break as a result. Eric Harris was even the child of a member of our military, the Air Force. Both seemed like upstanding kids with bright futures, and in fact they were, but were also outcasts and the target of apparently intense bullying. Was the bullying the only reason for their actions? Of course not, but it was most assuredly a key component.

Proponents of bullying (why in the hell someone would, could, possibly be in favor of violence against children boggles my mind) will always continue to deny their role in promulgating this kind of societal violence, the aftermath of the very activity they seem to think will make children into quality adults. They even seem to accept events like Columbine as acceptable byproducts based on the fact that they continue to promote bullying by accepting it as "normal" despite these tragedies. Oh, they'll decry the shootings and blame anyone but themselves, but in the end everyone else can see the truth.

Those of us who have been bullied and beaten as children, and even as adults, can see at least part way into the minds of Klebold and Harris. We understand as nobody else can in a truly visceral manner, just what being the victim of the violence of bullying feels like.

[FrugalNinja250]

Originally Posted by drsketch

kids getting bullied is not a real issue to me... If they dont want to fight back then they should tell their parents or the school or somebody... I would beat some other parents ass if their kid was f*cking with my kid and noone was doing anything about it.

I *did* tell my mom and the school about it. They had your attitude about it, that it was a "normal" part of growing up. I couldn't use my strength or ability fight to defend myself, as I had neither, so used my mind. It worked, but that was in the 1960's before Columbine and 9/11. If I'd used those tactics today I'd be snatched up by the FBI or police or whoever and have had my life ruined.

And I hope you enjoy being a felon because if you assaulted someone's parents for any reason you're going to be arrested and incarcerated for assault. Even if you beat the rap you're still going to be out tens of thousands in legal fees and likely subject to a civil suit (that you'll probably lose) by the assault victims. The losers that allow and even promote their kids to be bullies are very good at working the system against honest people.

A little reality slap-down will do some good, I think.

[Flashmonkey]

Originally Posted by FrugalNinja250

Those of us who have been bullied and beaten as children, and even as adults, can see at least part way into the minds of Klebold and Harris. We understand as nobody else can in a truly visceral manner, just what being the victim of the violence of bullying feels like.

Ya but the part you're failing to see is that most of those bullies are a result of some form of physical abuse as well...whether at home or in some other facet of their life. You speak about bullying is if it were a two-dimensional problem; as if it were an "us vs them" kind of thing. There is no them; just more victims.

When Klebold and Harris picked up those guns, they became the bullies. There is no black and white here. To fix this problem, we have to fix society. While that may be possible in the future, what are we going to do until then?

I understand that this is a sensitive subject to most, and there's no way I can change anybody's minds about this topic, but the only thing we have control over is our ability to deal with things. You cannot expect everyone around you to change without accepting that you have to change and adapt first.

[FrugalNinja250]

Originally Posted by Flashmonkey

Ya but the part you're failing to see is that most of those bullies are a result of some form of physical abuse as well...whether at home or in some other facet of their life. You speak about bullying is if it were a two-dimensional problem; as if it were an "us vs them" kind of thing. There is no them; just more victims.

Actually, I see that probably more clearly than most. The child-like urge to "give back what ya get" required a lot of conscious effort on my part to overcome. Even though society tolerated and in some ways actually fostered bullying as some sort of twisted frakked-up form of character-building back then I knew that I could never inflict on others what was inflicted upon me. Most of my fellow victims weren't able to do that (how wise do we expect our 8-10-12 year old children to be, anyway?). Harris and Klebold themselves admitted to becoming the bullies in their journals, and that revenge/retribution mentality fostered by their environment was a bright clear line in their path to the massacre they committed.

So in a very real, very tangible way, the responsibility for Columbine and many similar tragedies falls squarely on the shoulders of people who refuse or fail to see that bullying creates more problems than it solves and at its root is just violence against children who cannot defend themselves from those who are bigger/stronger/more aggressive. There is no gray area in this, it's pretty cut and dried, IMHO. Only those who advocate violence against children seem to think otherwise.

[Flashmonkey]

Originally Posted by FrugalNinja250

There is no gray area in this, it's pretty cut and dried, IMHO. Only those who advocate violence against children seem to think otherwise.

Frugal, I seriously doubt that there's anybody out there who actually advocates bullying. What you have here, instead, is those of us who believe that bullying is as much a part of life as anything else, and that trying to push this problem off onto the government, or teachers, or to parents as the be-all-end-all solution to this epidemic is missing the point completely. Bullying is a symptom of a much larger, more systemic problem that needs to be addressed in society, and the blame does not and cannot lie on any one cause that can be rooted out and isolated, no more than our own human nature can be isolated.

Physical, verbal and mental abuse is already outlawed in our society. Governing laws can only do so much for us. Demonizing bullying as a thing; it's own entity and something that you are either for or against is nothing but fear mongering. There is no bullying....just human nature. Kids are getting bullied for a reason. Kids are bullying for a reason. And, unfortunately, the solution to this isn't as simple as saying "we should outlaw ____".

[The Stig]

As a teacher I'm so sick of this. Kids need harsher punishments and real consequences for their actions. Today I had 2 middle school girls get in a fight (great Monday-not) and when I tried breaking them up the one girl yelled at me. When I was in school kids never would have done that. These kids blow everything out of proportion. Honestly the fight started because someone said to "shut up". So what, just deal, maybe she should have taken the suggestion and just shut up rather than turning it into such a big deal.

[edwinmcq]

I had this guy in high school who used to give me crap all the time. Then one day in front of the Country Club I slugged him in the face and broke his leg with a Cleveland Tour Spoon. Never had a problem with a soul for my remaining two years.

[ally99]

Originally Posted by The Stig

As a teacher I'm so sick of this. Kids need harsher punishments and real consequences for their actions. Today I had 2 middle school girls get in a fight (great Monday-not) and when I tried breaking them up the one girl yelled at me. When I was in school kids never would have done that. These kids blow everything out of proportion. Honestly the fight started because someone said to "shut up". So what, just deal, maybe she should have taken the suggestion and just shut up rather than turning it into such a big deal.

YES! What people need to see is that things are DIFFERENT than they were when we were growing up! Bullying is different. Schools are different. Teaching and therefore teachers are different. Society is a helluva different world than the one in which I, or my parents, or my grandparents grew up. Teachers are all left powerless, not b/c we feel that way ourselves, but b/c the system we work for lays the laws. Parents no longer discipline, so bullying is allowed to escalate and escalate, and the ceiling keeps getting higher and higher...as at Columbine, there is a limit to how high that ceiling can go. I teach 4th grade. Last school year, one of my former students (he was in 7th grade) killed himself. Why? Bullying. No, there was no abuse at home. So you can't just tell kids like him (and me) to toughen up. Kids like us DON'T KNOW HOW to suddenly just "toughen up" because after dealing with it for years and years, your identity becomes that which the bullies are creating for you. I know, it sounds weak. But it's the honest truth. Sometimes, to the victim, there appears to be no escape and no way out.
Yes, I was bullied HARD, much like others here. Though I never took a serious attempt on my life, the thought was always there, and I would make "cry for help" attempts at times in middle school. No, I was never abused by my parents, but b/c personalities are different in each of us, bullying affects everyone differently. I wished I'd had parents who, instead of brushing it under the rug when the school wouldn't act, would have signed me up for a martial art. I needed to feel empowered to act, and until I became an adult, matured, took taekwondo myself, and stopped giving a $h1t what others thought of me. So therein lies the answer. Empower your kids/students in any way you can. Empowerment can beat bullies, but it's something many kids need to be taught.

[ally99]

Originally Posted by edwinmcq

I had this guy in high school who used to give me crap all the time. Then one day in front of the Country Club I slugged him in the face and broke his leg with a Cleveland Tour Spoon. Never had a problem with a soul for my remaining two years.

LOL! NICE!!

[The Stig]

Right on Ally! Things are much different. And the sad thing that I am seeing is that these kids are becoming like their parents. These are learned behaviors and they don't know how else to react.

[edwinmcq]

Ally, it was different in the 70's. Just because you were anti-war or anti-establishment didn't mean you were a P...Pacifist.

[bdavison]

Im certainly not "for" bullying, but I do think its being heavily overused as an excuse for poor school management, and poor parenting.

[Nny]

I think those that have been bullied and say it isnt a problem have not endured what some others may have. Standing your ground doesnt always solve the issue. In some cases it can make it worse. Sure, I think the media may be going overboard but I also think the punishment (at least when I was growing up) was too soft. Most of the times dismissed as a prank if one of the star players for the team was involed as the instigator.

What I got out of school was detatchment, thick skin and a short fuse. Not sure if that qualifies as making me a better person. Certainly didnt help me get straight A's in school while I had the desire to attend it either. When I meet the person I could have become I will let you know if what happened in my past was for the better.

[Blackwidow]

Thanks all for your feedback! I know in some of your cases its difficult to dig up the past. I guess, just like everything, we need to look at things on a case by case basis...there is always the extremes. I'm sorry that some of you went through what you did, but I see it as you guys are strong people for brushing yourselves off and pushing yourselves forward. There are the ones that go and do the extreme by killing themselves cuz they can't handle the pressures, is it sad? YES... but I still have some sort of animosity towards the ones that need to escape that way.

There is always someone out there that can help, whether it be a grown up or even a friend at school, there is always someone. Seriously though, what is this awareness going to achieve? its pretty obvious that we all know there is bullying...talking about it on the media isn't gonna help, if anything it may add to the problem...

[Flashmonkey]

Paulette, you have a penchant for starting touchy subjects, but this has been a good discussion so far. You definitely can't get away with starting a topic like this on other forums...that's for sure!

The problem I have is the way the media paints all of this with one big magical brush. As if bullying was a singular entity that can be crushed with laws, good intentions, and medication. There are people out there, for one reason or another, who genuinely want to ruin other people's lives....even to the point of suicide. I'd like to think that those are extreme situations that are in the minority. Then you have your run of the mill teasing, poking, proding, and unruly behaviour by overly energetic kids. When you start lumping both of those things into the same pot, you're going to exacerbate the situation on all fronts and create new problems in the future.

[backinthesaddleagain]

Paulette, your boss called he still wants to know why you made that deal.

[Blackwidow]

Originally Posted by Flashmonkey

Paulette, you have a penchant for starting touchy subjects, but this has been a good discussion so far. You definitely can't get away with starting a topic like this on other forums...that's for sure!

I don't agree that this is a "touchy" subject. Touchy would be in regards to politics or discussion on sexuality, etc...
there is no right or wrong in this topic, just expierances and thoughts.

From my personal experiance, i've been dragged through the dirt...but i came on top of it all...and i just can't understand why others can't do the same? I've been held at gun point (bullying), i've been ridiculed (bullying), i've been beat up (bullying), i've been pushed out of a car in the middle of no where (bullying). And in ALL cases, i've received help in one way or another. So i just need understanding of what i'm missing here. And by no means do i think this BS media attention is going to solve anything.

[Blackwidow]

Originally Posted by backinthesaddleagain

Paulette, your boss called he still wants to know why you made that deal.

stop bullying me, one day its going to be against the law.

Pretty soon if you say hi to that girl at your local grocery store, you'll get arrested, we can all thank the media's help in making EVERYTHING ILLEGAL.

[Yoda]

Ok Ill chime in. Bear in mind Im a dyed in the wool redneck Kansas boy.

When I was a kid I only took a small amount of (bleep) from bullies before I took them down a notch either verbally or punching em. Yes I got whooped a few times but I never let them break me down.

I teach my kids the same thing, never LET someone demean you. Other then my 3 year old my kids are trained to defend themselves if it comes down to it.

A large part of the problem is the current school systems claiming Zero tolerance but shoveling as much as they possibly can under the carpet just so they dont look bad or make headlines.

Our oldest one was getting beat on daily in middle school and when we raised hell about it the school actually had the gall to call DCF and claim his bruises were from us beating him. To bad we had filed a complaint to DCF about what was going on at the school before hand.

Our middle child was in a magnet school where one of the children was phsyically violent and attacking teachers and students but the school wouldnt do a thing and neither would the board of Ed until the day I showed up at the school with 2 police officers and insisted that the principal be arrested for multiple counts of child endangerment for not removing the dangerous kid. Then the Board of Ed did something and tried to claim they couldnt expel the offender because he was a minority and it would violate his civil rights BULL **** It should never matter what ethnicity you are, If you are a danger/disruption to the school then your butt needs to be kicked to the curb and your parent(s) held accountable as well.

I personally think its time to get passed all the political hype and go back to the old methods of here is the standard to meet and work you backside off to do it. Dont make it repeat the grade until you do. No more coddling or sliding kids by under one excuse or another.

As an addendum obviously this view doesnt apply to children who actually have real disabilities (learning or otherwise). Yes some accomodations should be made for them but not a free ride.

[Flashmonkey]

Originally Posted by Blackwidow

I don't agree that this is a "touchy" subject. Touchy would be in regards to politics or discussion on sexuality, etc...
there is no right or wrong in this topic, just expierances and thoughts.

Hehe well I agree that I don't see it as touchy either...but that's subjective and stuff like this may, in fact, be a bit sensitive to some. That's true with a lot of stuff, though....so whatever.

And Yoda...you're awesome! Being assertive is a lost art.

[GeneJunkie]

Originally Posted by Blackwidow

From my personal experiance, i've been dragged through the dirt...but i came on top of it all...and i just can't understand why others can't do the same?

That is because everyone is different.

I have always been a shy person (one of my grandma's favorite stories is about me hiding under the table when people came over). It's easy to take shyness, then put on top of that bullying, and you easily can make someone who has zero self esteem... aka me. I don't know how I would have turned out if I wasn't constantly put down and I hate being this way. I get into panic attacks constantly when I'm approached by people and think that I'm not good enough. Who knows maybe if I wasn't shy to start off I would have survived bullying better.

Regardless something needs to be done, and parents need to be held accountable for their bully children.

[FrugalNinja250]

I suspect that if parents could be held criminally responsible for their child's bullying things would rapidly change. If junior beats up another kid that's not felony assault, but if papa beats up another parent that's felony assault. The kid gets no punishment but the adult would go to jail with a lifetime criminal record. That free ride is why bullies get away with it so often. You're an aggressive kid, the law can't really touch you or your parents for your actions. What constraint is there on your behavior? Pretty much none that really counts.

So, junior assaults another kid, junior's parents are arrested and prosecuted for assault, fined, jailed, etc. Suddenly there's a real incentive for junior's parents to police junior's behavior: If they don't, they get arrested and prosecuted for assault.

I know it's not possible legally for this to happen, but something's got to be done or there will just be more Columbines, more bullies growing up to be thugs and criminals, more kids having their development and mental growth damaged and deformed before they grow up to be adults.

I can only wonder at what kind of person I could have grown up to be if only I hadn't lived in absolute fear and terror for those horrible years of my childhood. In many ways, nearly half a century later, I'm still haunted by those childhood nightmare experiences. If only someone had done something to help a defenseless child I wouldn't had to contemplate murdering other kids at age 12. That's a terrible thing to make a child do, contemplate killing in self-defense. I never thought of suicide as a way out, luckily, but so many children do, then and now. One has to ask, is it worth it? Tolerating bullying? Worth it at all? What price to "build character". What cost to provide a childhood experience of physical and emotional violence and torment, a [sarcasm] healthy part of growing up into a quality adult.[/sarcasm]

The people who brush off bullying as a trivial childhood experience either didn't go through it themselves to any great extent or were bullies themselves. They just cannot understand, any more than a male could claim to understand pregnancy and childbirth.

[backinthesaddleagain]

Originally Posted by Blackwidow

stop bullying me, one day its going to be against the law.

Pretty soon if you say hi to that girl at your local grocery store, you'll get arrested, we can all thank the media's help in making EVERYTHING ILLEGAL.

but I just followed her home to help her put her groceries away...

[rockNroll]

Originally Posted by GeneJunkie

Regardless something needs to be done, and parents need to be held accountable for their bully children.

+1000


accountable for their children, bully or not.

[Sailariel]

I have learned a great deal from this thread and have found the responses insightful and honest. I am currently involved with The Restorative Justice Project, and part of our mission is to address bullying at the middle school level. I was asked to participate partially due to the fact that I was bullied at the Middle School level until I got into Boxing and later the martial arts. I was not terribly savvy. I had a foreign accent because I was not born in the US and I was not particularly big. I competed with my mind by being on the honor roll since day one--also applied in college where I never saw a GPA below 3.8 as an undergraduate and graduate student. In the military, I did not want to be an officer because in the 60s their lifespan was short. I went from private basic to staff sergeant in three years. We had bullying in the service as well. I am still trying to understand the cause of bullying and hope to be able to learn about it from insights like the ones expressed in this forum, and actually working with bullies and their victims. All I know is what I don't know. This is a hell of a lot more complicated than I thought--and I was a Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) for 25 years.

[Flashmonkey]

Originally Posted by Sailariel

This is a hell of a lot more complicated than I thought--and I was a Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) for 25 years.

I'd like to commend you for taking part in this type of work. It's definitely not easy, and definitely not for everyone! God only knows I can't deal with this stuff.

I truly believe that this is a behavioral issue; not just for kids but for all humans. We don't understand ourselves. Not just on a personal, spiritual level (and all that stuff....), but even on a more quantitative, scientific level, our own human behavior seems to baffle us most of the time. To address the issue of bullying, we would be addressing the very nature of the human condition.

[Sailariel]

James, That's true. It's also what makes it so damn interesting. I tend to like being in touch with things. This looks like a good challenge. What else can you do when you are retired? You have the luxury of time to pursue stuff you could not have in your working years. Right now I am in Social Issues Mode--until something more interesting comes along.

[Cuongism]

From nerdyapplebottom.com. Kids are not the only bullies.

My son is gay

dsc_0007-e1288401371463.jpg

Or he’s not. I don’t care. He is still my son. And he is 5. And I am his mother. And if you have a problem with anything mentioned above, I don’t want to know you.

I have gone back and forth on whether I wanted to post something more in-depth about my sweet boy and his choice of Halloween costume. Or more specifically, the reactions to it. I figure if I’m still irked by it a few days later, I may as well go ahead and post my thoughts.

Here are the facts that lead up to my rant:

My son is 5 and goes to a church preschool.
He has loved Scooby Doo since developing the ability and attention span to sit still long enough to watch it.
Halloween is a holiday and its main focus is wearing a costume.
My son’s school had the kids dress up, do a little parade, and then change out of costumes for the rest of the party.
Boo’s best friend is a little girl
Boo has an older sister
Boo spends most of his time with me.
I am a woman.
I am Boo’s mother, not you.
So a few weeks before Halloween, Boo decides he wants to be Daphne from Scooby Doo, along with his best friend E. He had dressed as Scooby a couple of years ago.* I was hesitant to make the purchase, not because it was a cross gendered situation, but because 5 year olds have a tendency to change their minds. After requesting a couple of more times, I said sure and placed the order. He flipped out when it arrived. It was perfect.

Then as we got closer to the actual day, he stared to hem and haw about it. After some discussion it comes out that he is afraid people will laugh at him. I pointed out that some people will because it is a cute and clever costume. He insists their laughter would be of the ‘making fun’ kind. I blow it off. Seriously, who would make fun of a child in costume?

And then the big day arrives. We get dressed up. We drop Squirt at his preschool and head over to his. Boo doesn’t want to get out of the car. He’s afraid of what people will say and do to him. I convince him to go inside. He halts at the door. He’s visibly nervous. I chalk it up to him being a bit of a worrier in general. Seriously, WHO WOULD MAKE FUN OF A CHILD IN A* COSTUME ON HALLOWEEN? So he walks in. And there were several friends of mine that knew what he was wearing that smiled and waved and gave him high-fives. We walk down the hall to where his classroom is.

And that’s where things went wrong. Two mothers went wide-eyed and made faces as if they smelled decomp. And I realize that my son is seeing the same thing I am. So I say, “Doesn’t he look great?” And Mom A says in disgust, “Did he ask to be that?!” I say that he sure did as Halloween is the time of year that you can be whatever it is that you want to be. They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how that was an option and didn’t I try to talk him out of it. Mom B mostly just stood there in shock* and dismay.

And then Mom C approaches. She had been in the main room, saw us walk in, and followed us down the hall to let me know her thoughts. And they were that I should never have ‘allowed’ this and thank God it wasn’t next year when he was in Kindergarten since I would have had to put my foot down and ‘forbidden’ it. To which I calmly replied that I would do no such thing and couldn’t imagine what she was talking about. She continued on and on about how mean children could be and how he would be ridiculed.

My response to that: The only people that seem to have a problem with it is their mothers.

Another mom pointed out that high schools often have Spirit Days where girls dress like boys and vice versa. I mentioned Powderpuff Games where football players dress like cheerleaders and vice versa. Or every frat boy ever in college (Mom A said that her husband was a frat boy and NEVER dressed like a woman.)

But here’s the point, it is none of your damn business.

If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.

If my daughter had dressed as Batman, no one would have thought twice about it. No one.

But it also was heartbreaking to me that my sweet, kind-hearted five year old was right to be worried. He knew that there were people like A, B, and C. And he, at 5, was concerned about how they would perceive him and what would happen to him.

Just as it was heartbreaking to those parents that have lost their children recently due to bullying. IT IS NOT OK TO BULLY. Even if you wrap it up in a bow and call it ‘concern.’* Those women were trying to bully me. And my son. MY son.

It is obvious that I neither abuse nor neglect my children. They are not perfect, but they are learning how to navigate this big, and sometimes cruel, world. I hate that my son had to learn this lesson while standing in front of allegedly Christian women. I hate that those women thought those thoughts, and worse felt comfortable saying them out loud. I hate that ‘pink’ is still called a girl color and that my baby has to be so brave if he wants to be Daphne for Halloween.

And all I hope for my kids, and yours, and those of Moms ABC, are that they are happy. If a set of purple sparkly tights and a velvety dress is what makes my baby happy one night, then so be it. If he wants to carry a purse, or marry a man, or paint fingernails with his best girlfriend, then ok. My job as his mother is not to stifle that man that he will be, but to help him along his way. Mine is not to dictate what is ‘normal’ and what is not, but to help him become a good person.

I hope I am doing that.

And my little man worked that costume like no other. He rocked that wig, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

[CZroe]

"New?" Since Columbine, the news hasn't stopped talking about bullying.

[Sailariel]

Cuong, I like the way you handled that situation. We went through several episodes like this with our children--always the parents. Our children never got bullied partially because they were big (Son was 6' in HS and is now 6'5") and daughter says she is 5'12". Both kids learned early on from us that it is not OK to bully. As for stereotypes--personally, I enjoy shocking people. For example, I belong to United Bikers Of Maine (mostly H-D Riders but very active in charity work and political action) We have UBM T-Shirts. Most people have Black or Dark Blue. I have Pink. I happen to like that colour and have all sorts of shirts in pink. When asked, why I wear pink? My reply is, "Because I can"

[Flow]

Originally Posted by Sailariel

daughter says she is 5'12".

Isn't that 6'?

[Sailariel]

Originally Posted by Flow

Isn't that 6'?

She also wears 4" heels. The woman is incorrigable. I love it. She has a healthy irreverance about everything. She and Paulette would get along famously. What I like about my kids is that they are assertive--as opposed to agressive. They stand up for the underdog. I recall an incident in High School when a bully was really coming on strong to a shy, geeky sort of kid. My son got between them (all 6' of him, put his hand on the top of the bully's head, and grinned) Problem solved. I am beginning to think that peer pressure and education about the longstanding harm bullying can cause is the answer. After a while, it just won't be cool. That has been our approach at the Middle School level.