i have been on both sides of the fence with the philosophy of the "why and how" of adrenaline.
for preface. i was a small kid. always picked on, cowardly, timid and shy. always feeling like the little runt that will never be as "brave" as those on bikes doing wheeelies in traffic at 150mph...
after high school drugs, drinking, then the army as an 11b,. witnessing/experiencing ieds (roadside bombs) and vbieds (vehicle born) in iraq, watching lots of people die, driving away from mortars screaming down....
after being back things are completely different.
i would look for fights. i would wander into the other lane looking for trouble. always testing the laws of nature.........WHY?
because im stuck in that mode? yes..but its getting much better.
this isnt about PTSD. stay focused.
i thought to myself...have i "obtained" braveness? YAY!! ..maybe not...
maybe i lost something? maybe...