Will probably be single by sunday....

[Stingray1000]

Serious issues in my relationship with her smoking weed and she is in Key West Florida on vacation without me..... And she wonders why I'm not commenting or "liking" anything on FB.... Wonder why, maybe because I should be there???? We've fought everyday since she's been down there and now she's saying when she gets back we need to re evaluate our relationship.... What a crock. I've done everything for that girl and this is how I get paid back for it... Anyone wanna buy a slightly used engagment set?

[Stingray1000]

Any advice?

[leed]

I know it's no help, but I'd feel the same as you. But either way, wait till she gets back, maybe she'll come to her senses then.

[Stingray1000]

We've been fighting ever since she started smoking weed again. We were so happy before and she doesn't see that it's the weed thats making me upset and feeling like I'm worth less then it. She promised me when we first got together 1. She didn't need and wouldnt smoke weed again and 2. I'd be going with her this year to FL. She says her mom says it's a "girls trip" I jsut think when you're married or engaged you should do things as a family... Am I so wrong to feel that way? I'd never go to a tropical paradise and leave her behind....

[drac]

ummmm......What's the problem with smokin' some ganja? Are you against it on moral grounds?

From your two posts it sounds like :

A. You're a little insecure about the weed thing.(I'm sure there is more to it but that's what I get from your post.

B. You're a little jealous/pissed that she's on vacation having a good time and you're not.

She says her mom says it's a "girls trip" I jsut think when you're married or engaged you should do things as a family... Am I so wrong to feel that way?

.....That would be a big fat YES. The chicks wanna go cut loose without the guys.....Can you blame them, we are a royal pain in the ass a lot of the time.

[austexjg]

Damn, if burning a little herb is that big of a problem for you, you already know the answer about the relationship.

Personally, I would have rather of deal with a hottie that burns than a flirt that drinks at any chance - ask me how I know that.... Never once have I woken up with an ugly chic after a night of burning a little bud.

[Boomstick1491]

Dude, I am sorry. Are you married, engaged, or just dating? I think that will change whatever advice anyone is able to give. Sorry if you have listed that somewhere and I just missed it.

[Stingray1000]

Originally Posted by drac

ummmm......What's the problem with smokin' some ganja? Are you against it on moral grounds?

From your two posts it sounds like :

A. You're a little insecure about the weed thing.(I'm sure there is more to it but that's what I get from your post.

B. You're a little jealous/pissed that she's on vacation having a good time and you're not.

.....That would be a big fat YES. The chicks wanna go cut loose without the guys.....Can you blame them, we are a royal pain in the ass a lot of the time.

I smoked when I was a kid... I'M 34 with kids of my own. She's 28 with no kids and I dont want to give my ex any reason to take them away... what happends if we get pulled over and arrested??? It's time to grow up if you want to get married and have kids....

I am pissed she is on vacation... You don't go to a tropical paradise and don't take your other half... It jsut isn't fair.. I wouldn't do it I'd want to enjoy that time with the person I'm with then leave her at home while I'm out having fun.. It just isn't right.
She can cut loose with the girls here at home she doesn't have to go to FL to cut loose. This is a vacation not jsut going out for a girls night...

[Stingray1000]

Originally Posted by Boomstick1491

Dude, I am sorry. Are you married, engaged, or just dating? I think that will change whatever advice anyone is able to give. Sorry if you have listed that somewhere and I just missed it.

Engaged

[Stingray1000]

Originally Posted by austexjg

Damn, if burning a little herb is that big of a problem for you, you already know the answer about the relationship.

Personally, I would have rather of deal with a hottie that burns than a flirt that drinks at any chance - ask me how I know that.... Never once have I woken up with an ugly chic after a night of burning a little bud.

The issue is she told me she'd never do it again and before we got together she did things because of drugs the first week we started dating. When she came back from fl last year and I almost told her to beat feet because of what she did... I give this girl everything and now all she does is take take take. She does the dishes (bought a dish washer so much easier) and cleans sometimes... I do the laundry and make more money. Got her car fixed like 3 times totalling over 2000.00 let her get crabs sometimes 3 times/week. roses flowers phillies tickets....... I treat her like a queen...

[Boomstick1491]

Originally Posted by Stingray1000

Engaged

Hummm. Well, for what it's worth, it's good you are not married if your relationship is in serious trouble.

Just curious, how did you react when she said she was going to head to the Keys for the vacation? I assume she didn't just go without telling you, right?

[Boomstick1491]

Originally Posted by Stingray1000

The issue is she told me she'd never do it again and before we got together she did things because of drugs the first week we started dating. When she came back from fl last year and I almost told her to beat feet because of what she did... I give this girl everything and now all she does is take take take. She does the dishes (bought a dish washer so much easier) and cleans sometimes... I do the laundry and make more money. Got her car fixed like 3 times totalling over 2000.00 let her get crabs sometimes 3 times/week. roses flowers phillies tickets....... I treat her like a queen...

You buy her Phils tickets and she treats you like this? UNSAT friend! If you said you took her to Iggles games and she blows you off, I would recommend you chop her head off. Of course I am kidding...

In all seriousness, it sounds like you guys have some issues with communication. Maybe try to swallow your pride the next time you talk, explain to her that you care for her and you want to work things out when she returns. Perhaps suggest reading some books about communication and then talking about them. Or, you could see a counselor. If you are serious about doing these things and she rejects the ideas, then that is a serious indication that she does not want to work it out with you. I know this sucks, but it's probably for the best that you do a realistic self-assessment. Best of luck man!

[Stingray1000]

Originally Posted by Boomstick1491

Hummm. Well, for what it's worth, it's good you are not married if your relationship is in serious trouble.

Just curious, how did you react when she said she was going to head to the Keys for the vacation? I assume she didn't just go without telling you, right?

She told me after she went last year that I'd be going too, then 6 months ago she told me her mother said I wasn't invited.....

[Stingray1000]

Originally Posted by Boomstick1491

You buy her Phils tickets and she treats you like this? UNSAT friend! If you said you took her to Iggles games and she blows you off, I would recommend you chop her head off. Of course I am kidding...

In all seriousness, it sounds like you guys have some issues with communication. Maybe try to swallow your pride the next time you talk, explain to her that you care for her and you want to work things out when she returns. Perhaps suggest reading some books about communication and then talking about them. Or, you could see a counselor. If you are serious about doing these things and she rejects the ideas, then that is a serious indication that she does not want to work it out with you. I know this sucks, but it's probably for the best that you do a realistic self-assessment. Best of luck man!

Honestly that's the best advice I've heard. thank you bro. She is gonna call tonight and I'm gonna try and smooth things out with her. the weed thing really depresses me because when she started again I told her I'd leave her if she started and now I'm still here. She more or less told me if I gave her a choice she'd choose weed because I shouldnt be giving her a choice in the first place....

[cuz]

move on......

better women out there

[EthioKnight]

Jeez...I kinda envy you for your 'troubles' (which aren't much btw, a lil' ganja and a vaca. ). I think it's time I went and caught me another one of those females to add some much needed drama and spice to my boring singular existence.
On a serious note though...good luck sorting sh!t out bro and I wish you two da best

[Boomstick1491]

Originally Posted by Stingray1000

Honestly that's the best advice I've heard. thank you bro. She is gonna call tonight and I'm gonna try and smooth things out with her. the weed thing really depresses me because when she started again I told her I'd leave her if she started and now I'm still here. She more or less told me if I gave her a choice she'd choose weed because I shouldnt be giving her a choice in the first place....

I am happy to offer some modicum of advice, however I am certainly no marriage counselor, nor have I always been successful in my relationships. So I can relate to some degree.

I am all for you offering the idea of working it out and trying to work it out, but it seems like a GIGANTIC red flag if she says she'll choose smoking pot over you (her fiancé). If she honestly feels that way and is not prone to dramatic statements to elicit some kind of reaction out of you, I'd say you need to release this one out into the wild, focus on yourself (and your bike) for a while, and then go find a better match.

The other option is to just go out and slay like 30-40 hood rats, which would probably make you feel better in the short term, provided you don't catch the gift that keeps on giving or the high five. Take it easy and let us know how it works out.

[Stingray1000]

Originally Posted by EthioKnight

Jeez...I kinda envy you for your 'troubles' (which aren't much btw, a lil' ganja and a vaca. ). I think it's time I went and caught me another one of those females to add some much needed drama and spice to my boring singular existence.
On a serious note though...good luck sorting sh!t out bro and I wish you two da best

It's a little different when your in the situation bro, but thanks for the good luck.

[Gorilla25]

man, i feel your pain. im going through a break up too. been with her for 8 years and engaged for 1....broke up as of this tuesday

[Jay72]

Jon just wondering, you say you have kids, were you married once already? If so is there a chance that it ended pretty ugly and now you have a HUGE guard up? My wife somkes weed, and has since we have been together, (married 16 years this June) and I don't smoke weed and never will. But to her defence lets say if you were to meet her and she had just smoked, you would not be able to tell, and the couple of rules I put out there for her were, 1) If we are low on cash, no buying weed and 2) She is not to have any AT ALL on her possession when we are with the kids. And we seem to get along just fine that way.
As for your girl being away with her mom on vacation? What is wrong with that, I could see if she was away with 5 of her girlfriends, but her mom? And everyone needs some time apart or you could get really sick of one another really fast.
Hope you were able to think things through and smooth it out with her tonight, if not I doubt you will be getting any of that great Oh I missed you so much sex when she gets home.
Good luck bud, and I hope you can make the right decision, the right decision for you that is, not just try and keep her happy.

[Stingray1000]

Originally Posted by Jay72

Jon just wondering, you say you have kids, were you married once already? If so is there a chance that it ended pretty ugly and now you have a HUGE guard up? My wife somkes weed, and has since we have been together, (married 16 years this June) and I don't smoke weed and never will. But to her defence lets say if you were to meet her and she had just smoked, you would not be able to tell, and the couple of rules I put out there for her were, 1) If we are low on cash, no buying weed and 2) She is not to have any AT ALL on her possession when we are with the kids. And we seem to get along just fine that way.
As for your girl being away with her mom on vacation? What is wrong with that, I could see if she was away with 5 of her girlfriends, but her mom? And everyone needs some time apart or you could get really sick of one another really fast.
Hope you were able to think things through and smooth it out with her tonight, if not I doubt you will be getting any of that great Oh I missed you so much sex when she gets home.
Good luck bud, and I hope you can make the right decision, the right decision for you that is, not just try and keep her happy.

yea the first marriage messed me up pretty bad and I found out some new info tonight. we didn't fight when she called but I asked her if anyone texted her and she said yes (not a usual thing i guess the guy saw she was away from me and decided to give it a go) I asked who and she told me a guy she used to sleep with but was married and friends with her on FB. I asked if he flirted or asked if she wanted to hook up and she said yes but she told him she was engaged and tat would never happen again... The first marriage isn't the only thing that messed me up when her and i first got together before we were an "item" the same week we became one she slept with her ex. after she came back from florida last year she told me that she was falling in love with me and she wanted to be honest and explained what had happend. I gave her the benefit of the doubt so i didn't dump her. She said she had a long conversation with the guy but mostly about how she was in florida, she said she got playful (non-sexually) with him and he took it wrong, so she said she straightened him out and stopped texting him. There were 47 text between them and I asked her not to delete any of the messages cause I wanted to see what he said to her, and she said she wouldnt delete any of them. If any are deleted I'm just gonna go ahead and end things..... I may delt with the weed for the most part but I have more self esteem then to be with someone who cheats or even talks to other guys like that thru text.....

[Stingray1000]

Originally Posted by Gorilla25

man, i feel your pain. im going through a break up too. been with her for 8 years and engaged for 1....broke up as of this tuesday

Dude I'm really sorry to hear it. If you need someone to talk to just pm me your cell and i'll text you. lord knows i could use someone to talk too. I'm sure you're going thru some chit right now and I'm right there with ya bro. Hang in there.

why did u break if u dont mind me asking?

[Jono]

Women: Can't Live With 'Em, Can't Live Without 'Em


I wish the best of luck with your lady problems.

[Mocha Man]

First off, let me just say that I am absolutely no person that should be giving you advice on this thread (so I won't give any), since I'm only in college and have no clue what you're going through. Granted, I've had break-ups but I've never been engaged or anything.

That being said, I just wanted to say that I hope everything turns out well in the end. I hate reading about these stories...

[Firehorse]

Holy crap dude!

Female point of view.

Ignore the weed - you said you don't like it so keep saying it nicely and encourage her to stop. Keep trying. Not different from any other bad/good?? habits that bugs one person about another. People leaving dirty socks in the bathroom have been known to break up otherwise good relationships. Maybe some rules, not around me or the kids?

You sound like you think she owes you something because you 'give' her stuff.
We all do that for people we care about because we want to so you probably gave her stuff because you wanted to, not because she MADE you. Ignore the thought of who owes who what. Not worth your time. We don't keep tallies of what we have given or done for our friends so we shouldn't do that for people we claim to love.

Forget the chores bit too, these days it's no ones job to do dishes or anything, it's will just find its own equilibrium in time. I hate vacuuming, my bigger half doesn't like cooking, no biggie right? we each do what we can.

You're worried she's going to fool around on you?? Or flirt??
That's what it sounds like. I came from that world so I told my Bigger Half that it would take me years to trust him in that regard and he was fine with that..and yes it took years to finally relax and trust him and show him that kind of respect. Hated feeling that way but I couldn't help it so I was up front about it. Had to really work to get across that the worry and lack of trust was MY PROBLEM not something he did.
Many women really HATE jealous behavior so if that's what you're really worried about, just tell her.
When I was jealous that my then-bf was out having fun without me, it was really that I was worried about other things..now I know that my jealousy wasn't that HE might have a good time but more a reflection back at me - is she better looking, funnier, has more money, better in bed - GASP!!
Yep all that crap.
When I realized it, everything changed and now I WANT him (current HIM 19 years)to have the time of his life when he goes to a golf tourney or whatever. NOW he comes home and talks a mile a minute telling me all the stories of what went on, sharing the stories.
If you and I were really good friends or brother and sister, you would WANT me to have a blast on a girly vacation right? So what would happen if you genuinely wished that for her and told her so? Nothing but good could come of it.
If things just don't or can't work out, you need to figure out why the vacation bugged you so much and make sure it just a normal 'wish I was there' otherwise, your next relationship may have the same little bugs to work out.
Hold off on the ring until YOU are totally sure. Her needing to have a talk may only be a reflection of how differently you're reacting to her trip?

If that sort of thing would always bug you, then get out now and tuck that away for future reference. I know it would bug me but a real vacation is few and far between for us so it would be a really big deal to share the experience. I always have the opportunity to go to England to visit my sister (Isle of Mann is so close!!) but I won't go until the Bigger Half can go, I'll find MY joy from seeing him experience things.

There's a lot of great ladies out there so don't paint us all with the same brush and remember that your lady may be one of those since she's not doing anything evil or mean or cruel.
Her Mom may have wanted a ladies thing for no other reason than because it's fun. Same for guys going fishing together etc. No secret agenda just being able to act like a tool around other people that understand?


I don't know if my view gives you some ideas or not but I hope it helps in some way.
Hang in there buddy an we\re hoping for the best for you.

[Firehorse]

Originally Posted by Jono

Women: Can't Live With 'Em, Can't Live Without 'Em


I wish the best of luck with your lady problems.

Men Pfft!
CAN live without 'em thanks to sperm banks
(but who would want to, you guys are fun!)

[Jiggles]

Originally Posted by Firehorse

Men Pfft!
CAN live without 'em thanks to sperm banks
(but who would want to, you guys are fun!)

I read an article in class that proposed with some evidence that women married men for economic support and in return gave them sex. And yet prostitution is illegal -_- unless you film it

[Firehorse]

Originally Posted by Jiggles

I read an article in class that proposed with some evidence that women married men for economic support and in return gave them sex. And yet prostitution is illegal -_- unless you film it

Kinda tells it like it WAS. Now that we can bring home the bacon, we don't need you but still want you around. Selfish creatures, eh?

[Jiggles]

Oh yeah, article was a study from the 50s, I thought I mentioned that lol

[SharInATL]

Here's another female point of view....

You are absolutely right (and within your right) to want her to stop smoking, namely your kids being the reason. Nevermind the fact that it's illegal (insert ) that alone would be a deal breaker for me. JMO

As far as the vacation....I don't think that's a big deal to be honest. Girl trips are a must. Now if the two of you don't do anything outside of that with just the two of you, then I could see where you'd be concerned or upset. But I take trips with my girls at least twice a year.

[CynicalC]

She told you her mom said you weren't invited? What kind of man are you? You both sound like you're still in junior high.

[Stingray1000]

The trip was planned with her mother, I'm 34 she's 28... If everything gets straightened out i'm telling her next year we're doing things as a family.

[Stingray1000]

Originally Posted by CynicalC

She told you her mom said you weren't invited? What kind of man are you? You both sound like you're still in junior high.

Colin,
Don't disrespect me again.

[CynicalC]

Originally Posted by Stingray1000

Colin,
Don't disrespect me again.

Or what, you gonna threaten me over the internet, you mongoloid?

[Stingray1000]

Originally Posted by CynicalC

Or what, you gonna threaten me over the internet, you mongoloid?

Nope as A man I'm telling you to act like a grown up and keep ur personal demeaning opinions to yourself. Give advice, don't disrespect. Don't you think I'm going through a hardf enough time with your personal attacks? Grow up, tt will help you later in life.

[Xoulrath]

You put your personal problems on the internet WILLINGLY and you don't expect for some of the advice to not be, well, so useful? It's the internet, that's what happens on the internet. You get one good reply for every ten useless ones.

And I'll be honest with you, I thought you were about 20 or so based on your posts. No offense meant.

[mxman38]

drugs are bad M'kay?

[Stingray1000]

Originally Posted by Xoulrath

You put your personal problems on the internet WILLINGLY and you don't expect for some of the advice to not be, well, so useful? It's the internet, that's what happens on the internet. You get one good reply for every ten useless ones.

And I'll be honest with you, I thought you were about 20 or so based on your posts. No offense meant.

Well so far I've gotten 20 good replies for the 1 terrible one so I'm good in that respect. But I will not be disrespected. Just sayin' And as far as age goes....... We all have our own demons. Self esteem, anger management, what have you. nobody is perfect, but I still think we should all respect one another, internet or face to face... But that's just me I guess. Advice is free, but putting someone down always comes at a cost. You get what you give and all that.

[Alex]

Originally Posted by Stingray1000

Well so far I've gotten 20 good replies for the 1 terrible one so I'm good in that respect. But I will not be disrespected. Just sayin' And as far as age goes....... We all have our own demons. Self esteem, anger management, what have you. nobody is perfect, but I still think we should all respect one another, internet or face to face... But that's just me I guess. Advice is free, but putting someone down always comes at a cost. You get what you give and all that.

This sounds like a vaguely defined threat. Which is pointless, as it's the internet, as Xoulrath very carefully described above. What is more to the point, is that it's clearly against the TOS you agreed to here.

[Cab305]

She's in the keys on a pot smoking vacation with her mom (soon to be your mother in law)....

She sounds like a keeper, just don't eat any of the cookies mom sends before going to work.