psychologist

[Snake]

Originally Posted by SLOWn60

Lol! I love Johnny as much as anyone here, perhaps more because of his zany but Johnny plays on the wrong team for me to really "love" Johnny!

Lol I know. Heck me and Johny have traded innuendos back and forth just to lighten the mood.
Sorry, I wasn't trying to imply anything. Just trying to make @Koala laugh and brighten the day.

[SLOWn60]

Originally Posted by Snake

Lol I know. Heck me and Johny have traded innuendos back and forth just to lighten the mood.
Sorry, I wasn't trying to imply anything. Just trying to make @Koala laugh and brighten the day.

Didn't think you were implying in a serious tone. I love innuendo, double entendres, the flirt and the tease! Doesn't matter what the team is! It's great fun when intended as fun and a success when it makes everyone feel good & smile or laugh!

[Koala]

Originally Posted by Snake

Lol I know. Heck me and Johny have traded innuendos back and forth just to lighten the mood.
Sorry, I wasn't trying to imply anything. Just trying to make @Koala laugh and brighten the day.

Snake, you have succeeded lol. All three of you

I didn't get back too late from Cedar Point, around midnight, but I just couldn't sort out my jumbled thoughts after an hour and a half of highway hypnosis.

Nevada Wolf, the reviews I've been mentioning have been of psychological programs available for the low income segment in my area. Most are government run offices. Multiple bad reviews of the way people have been treated have scared me away from the idea.

csmith12, thank you for the uplifting quotes I do have things holding me back mentally from being where I want to be that contribute to the big picture of depression that I'm suffering. It's kind of like I know what I need to do on that front but at 35 years old I'm scared and insecure and unsure of how to take the first step. This is mainly on the job front. I enjoy being a dancer and make good money but had decided a legit job would be a good thing to have as backup....but getting one isn't working out as I had hoped. One of the many things having a professional to talk to could help with.

Defy, thank you. I may take you up on that. Not sure you would be ready for it though, lol. Everything that is in my head and everything that has happened n the last few years, oh god, I might make you regret even offering I'm an overthinker, I'm too much in my head for my own good.

I don't see your username as negative. I see "Defy" as going against the grain, beating the odds and coming out on top.

SLOWn60, Cedar Point isn't really a trigger for me. It was the first time I went by myself because my ex is the one who introduced me to the place and it felt odd being there without him. After 2 years of going by myself because I'm addicted to roller coasters and the petting zoo and the shows, it is not a trigger in and of itself. I purposely avoided Halloweekends last year because I knew it would be a trigger but this year the opening night was also the last night for Mean Streak. I was not going to miss that. I had a blast with riding it twice and walking with the "funeral procession." I also rode Raptor twice but after that I just stopped having fun. It just wasn't what I expected. Possibly because it was opening night. I couldn't bring myself to go into a haunted house but I at least wanted to go through some of the walkthrough areas....they however were nonexistent. Don't know what was going on. So I left CP early and sad for the first time. I probably won't ever do Halloweekends again just to avoid the trigger.

[greenaero]

Wow, this makes my day! The kindness and help offered to a sister in need is uplifting. This forum is special because of the people like you who can extend themselves to help others in need. I fight depression sometimes and what helps lift me out of it often is exposure to acts of generosity and kindness like these offered to Koala. Thank you for helping her and indirectly helping me
(and yourselves).

@Koala, facing our problems and taking action to fix them takes courage. I hope you find the resources and the path to a life of happiness and fulfillment. It sounds like you are heading in that direction. Please know you are not alone and that others hope and pray for your success.
best wishes GA

[Motofool]

Originally Posted by Koala

.....I do have things holding me back mentally from being where I want to be that contribute to the big picture of depression that I'm suffering. It's kind of like I know what I need to do on that front but at 35 years old I'm scared and insecure and unsure of how to take the first step. This is mainly on the job front. I enjoy being a dancer and make good money but had decided a legit job would be a good thing to have as backup....but getting one isn't working out as I had hoped. One of the many things having a professional to talk to could help with.

......... I'm an overthinker, I'm too much in my head for my own good.

(Patient typing contribution from Mrs. Motofool)
Dear Koala,

Sorry to be late to your brave thread.
This is what I have learned about emotional depression during my long life:
Oversimplifying this complex mental problem, think of it as a combined hardware/software malfunction.

The hardware part:
Our brain works based on electricity but it has no electric wires.
For the complex electrical processes, it relays in chemical substances capable to establish the ultra-fast and complicated connections.

A healthy brain has all those substances at hand in a natural way, but the depressed brain lacks some of those.
Anti-depressant medication is an artificial supply of those substances, which enhances the electrical processes as close to normal as possible.

Like any medication, it creates non-desired collateral effects, which are not the same for each patient.
That is the reason for trying different medications until finding the more suitable for you.
I believe that any doctor may prescribe most of those drugs.

Mens sana in corpore sano: Certain unhealthy habits may contribute to the lack those natural substances.
Better exercises, socialization and diet, together with good sleeping and recreation, may go a long way for some.

The software part:
Healthy living things find joy in being alive and avoid pain and death at all cost.
The depressed human mind find reduced or no joy, enthusiasm and drive in everyday living.

The free will and tremendous memory and reasoning power of the human mind can be both, a magnificent and terrible thing.
The very nature of feeling depressed can push the mind into a self-destructive spiral with no pretty end.

A person holding a graduate degree in psychology can help you understand your mental problem, put it in perspective and guide you through the process of recovery.
Sadly, the effectiveness of that is limited by the mind holding the problem.
"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink."
At the end of the day is yourself who truly has to be willing to improve and who can only understand your personal and intimate problem that keeps you from being naturally happy and positive.

The main problem is that is that will and desire to see the beauty of life is precisely what the person lacks.
Not implying that is your case, but some even find some psychological or social payoff in feeling that way.

That process of recovery has proved to be extremely difficult for many persons suffering depression.
You will have to turn your attention inwards in order to really know and honestly understand the dynamic of your fears, insecurities, sadness, anxieties, hopelessness, helpless, worthlessness and any dark and self-defeating thought that is happening under your skull.

Once you know yourself well enough, you will have to turn your attention outwards in order to honestly try to observe and understand the dynamic of life.
But that attention cannot be contaminated with pre-conceptions, thinking or judging: it should be the discovery of innocence, the very same that made you a happy and inquisitive baby many years ago.
Think less, feel more!

Please, see:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depres...pport_Alliance

[SLOWn60]

And just for fun.....

I self-medicate:

[JohnnyBravo]

@Koala glad you had a good time at the point

Originally Posted by Snake

@Koala it looks like you started a dating service here. I love to see when people come together.

You want me to go find you the link for my ninjette mingle thread??? Haha

Originally Posted by SLOWn60

Lol! I love Johnny as much as anyone here, perhaps more because of his zany but Johnny plays on the wrong team for me to really "love" Johnny!

love you too... NoHomo

[SLOWn60]

But if I can't ride:

[JohnnyBravo]

I go to the junkyard and ask if they have anything going to the crusher... I like it when they say yes an hand me a sledgehammer

[DEFY]

Originally Posted by Koala

Defy, thank you. I may take you up on that. Not sure you would be ready for it though, lol. Everything that is in my head and everything that has happened n the last few years, oh god, I might make you regret even offering I'm an overthinker, I'm too much in my head for my own good.

Wouldn't bother me a bit if you needed to. I would certainly welcome the conversations.

[Motofool]

Originally Posted by SLOWn60

And just for fun.....

I self-medicate:

[Snake]

Originally Posted by JohnnyBravo

@Koala glad you had a good time at the point


You want me to go find you the link for my ninjette mingle thread??? Haha

Sure, I love to mingle.

[JohnnyBravo]

Originally Posted by Snake

Sure, I love to mingle.

https://www.ninjette.org/forums/show...injette+mingle

[Koala]

motofool, thanks for all of the good info

no type of payoff for me in feeling this way. In fact, I would make a heck of a lot more money if I didn't need to take what I call mental health breaks from the bar I work at. I tried going in one time I was depressed and after sitting there listening to a guy yap I realized that no matter how hard I tried I could not wipe the "I don't give one crap about what you are saying to me" look off of my face, I knew it was time for me to leave.

As for the nitty gritty on depression and how I'm probably chemically imbalanced, you might be right but....I don't want drugs. I figure I managed to get through my life feeling this way off and on without them, and the last year without them (just lots of alcohol but that's another story) so I don't want to try that unless I absolutely have to. I do know that even though it has never been professionally diagnosed, thanks to the lovely treasure trove of information that is the internet, I was able to self diagnose Bi Polar II with rapid cycling. Just so you all know, I didn't go in like a hypochondriac and start adding symptoms to what I was feeling. I basically wrote down what I had been going through since I was like 10 years old and it happened to match that perfectly. Woo hoo, yay for messed up me

So ah, yeah, SLOWn60, I did the "self medicate" for several months but seeing as how alcoholism tends to run in my family (damn Irish drunks lol) I forced myself away from it though it wasn't easy. I do still drink when I'm working since it's the only way I'm able to be social with people I don't know but I don't go out and drink or drink at home.

oh wait, I totally just typed all of that forgetting about using a motorcycle to self medicate like all the pics you guys are showing. I'll definitely be doing that next year, not able to at the moment so I have to be patient.

JohnnyBravo, going to the junkyard and putting a sledgehammer to some cars sounds like my style I had a particularly bad moment a year or so ago where I was so hurt and angry my first instinct was to destroy an item that was really special to my dude and I stopped myself because I didn't want to hurt him and instead went outside and kicked my old car that he was selling for me. Made a nice deep dent with my winter boot and it felt GREAT. Another time I was having a bad day when I was working at a car wash I took out my frustrations by jumping up and down on a Nature Valley bar....a co worker saw me and the look on his face was priceless

Defy, pm me your number if you like. I prefer text though. I'm totally socially awkward on the phone, always have been.

I was actually debating yesterday just having you guys play the psychologists and answer questions and talk it out on here but yeah....that's really too personal for a thread I think.

*edit - that mingle thread was kinda entertaining, keep it going lol

[JohnnyBravo]

It's much better to tear up stuff that's not yours, an is in the garbage anyway, than destroying your stuff... So that's what I do
It's always funny to see the look on folks faces when they catch you doing "odd" things!
I drank like it was my full time job after the military and a break up... I had to quit before something more horrible than the already horrible stuff that happened occurred :/ I feel better not waking up wondering where I am, what happened last night, all that stuff (yes black out drunk daily for a while)

[Snake]

Originally Posted by Koala

I was actually debating yesterday just having you guys play the psychologists and answer questions and talk it out on here but yeah....that's really too personal for a thread I think.

*edit - that mingle thread was kinda entertaining, keep it going lol

I agree that we can help you out with very general questions and situations but the more personal areas of your life are better discussed in private on a PM better yet face to face.

Join us on the mingle thread and have fun. Friendly flirtation can put a big smile on your face. .

[JohnnyBravo]

I've been called a flirt... I only bite if you sign the permission slip though

[SLOWn60]

Woah!!! I definitely was not suggesting alcohol as a self medication! In fact; it's one of the worst chemicals to take if suffering a medical depression! I meant to get some wind in your face on a bicycle (best; it gets all kinds of good stuff flowing through you!) or a motorcycle, when you get one.

As for drug therapy; admittedly research is still in only the mid phase of development but there is irrefutable evidence that brain function is chemical and they are making huge progress in fine tuning treatments! It may take a few trials to get you in the right direction and maybe a few more years before they have it all figured out but I wouldn't be afraid to start the process! I do understand cost may rule it out so I'll go back to the bicycle prescription: it won't cure you but it does get endorphins, dopamine and all sorts of other good things flowing through you and keeps you fit & slim to boot! Win win!

[JohnnyBravo]

Excersize is great for mental health!!! All my doctors say so

[Snake]

Yes excercise is great for mental health. Long distance runners often experience "runners high" which can last for hours with no crash. That's why I like to run in the morning before work.

[Motofool]

Originally Posted by Koala

motofool, thanks for all of the good info

..... I was actually debating yesterday just having you guys play the psychologists and answer questions and talk it out on here but yeah....that's really too personal for a thread I think.......

You are welcome, Koala

Feel free to send me a PM if you reach the point of needing talking to somebody.
I don't know much, but I have been rolling around for more years than I can remember and meeting thousands of persons.
Your situation is familiar to me, because we have some members of our family that have been suffering similar and worse problems for long time.

"For most of us, relationship with another is based on dependence, either economic or psychological. This dependence creates fear, breeds in us possessiveness, results in friction, suspicion, frustration.
Life cannot be without relationship, but we have made it so agonizing and hideous by basing it on personal and possessive love. Can one love and yet not possess? You will find the true answer not in escape, ideals, beliefs but through the understanding of the causes of dependence and possessiveness." - Jiddu Krishnamurti

Regarding professional work, keep trying to find something that you naturally like, or at least do not dislike doing.
Money is important, but there is much more than that in life and your mental health will always be more important.

"I love riding, even if it's just my Vespa. You just zip and do your thing. I find there's a different awareness when I ride; it connects me to my senses and to God." - Queen Latifah

Things will improve as soon as you start riding your motorcycle.
Even more if you learn to work on it.
There is something magical about riding a motorcycle because you love it, because you have learned the art of riding well and because you have fixed the machine yourself.

[Snake]

[Snake]

I thought I would share some quotes from Einstein.

A person starts to live when he can live outside himself.

Each of us visits this Earth involuntarily and without an invitation. For me, it is enough to wonder at the secrets.

[snot]

@Koala
Where in Ohio are you?
There are several motorcycle clubs in Ohio that are not just cruisers.

The Christian motorcycle association is through out Ohio. Ohioriders is a group From all over the state (great peeps like here too). We have group rides once or twice a year and meet up off and on.
Stay away from alcohol, it makes things worst not better.

[Koala]

I'm in Akron, I just checked out OhioRiders, seems cool. Will have to get on there when I'm ready to go.

Snake, "A person starts to live when he can live outside himself"

I'm going to ponder that one for a bit. I was living a couple years ago. For the first time in my life I had felt alive and I had the greatest joys I had ever felt. The highest highs that I didn't know were possible. Then bit by bit it was all taken away from me and I sunk to depths of emotional pain I never knew existed. I'm not even close to as bad off as I was but I do know that I have only been merely surviving not living. My goal to get the bike is part of wanting to change that.

[snot]

Originally Posted by Koala

I'm in Akron, I just checked out OhioRiders, seems cool. Will have to get on there when I'm ready to go.

Snake, "A person starts to live when he can live outside himself"

I'm going to ponder that one for a bit. I was living a couple years ago. For the first time in my life I had felt alive and I had the greatest joys I had ever felt. The highest highs that I didn't know were possible. Then bit by bit it was all taken away from me and I sunk to depths of emotional pain I never knew existed. I'm not even close to as bad off as I was but I do know that I have only been merely surviving not living. My goal to get the bike is part of wanting to change that.

Come out to some of our meet and greets in the off season.

[JohnnyBravo]

You can do it

[SLOWn60]

Originally Posted by Koala

I'm in Akron, I just checked out OhioRiders, seems cool. Will have to get on there when I'm ready to go.

Snake, "A person starts to live when he can live outside himself"

I'm going to ponder that one for a bit. I was living a couple years ago. For the first time in my life I had felt alive and I had the greatest joys I had ever felt. The highest highs that I didn't know were possible. Then bit by bit it was all taken away from me and I sunk to depths of emotional pain I never knew existed. I'm not even close to as bad off as I was but I do know that I have only been merely surviving not living. My goal to get the bike is part of wanting to change that.

None of this is a cure for clinical depression but all our suggestions are really to try and help change the little recorded messages we all repeat in our thoughts and attempt to redirect the negatives towards positive reinforcement.

One of my mantras I call on when I feel I'm just existing and not living or if I have nothing is to remind myself where I'm living and how I'm living compared to the rest of the world. What we think of hardship is actually luxurious living compared to so much of the rest of the world! It doesn't make me feel like dancing with joy but it does make me reflect that even if things are a bit rocky at that moment for whatever reason; I've still got it pretty good and things can really get better so much easier than what so many others face for their entire lives!

[SLOWn60]

One other item:
You've mentioned several times you want a new career but unless I missed it; you haven't mentioned "what you want to be when you grow up"!

That is something the collective mind here should be able to help with! There's a deep pool of diversely educated and trained members here and we may be able to assist with sage advice and pointing you in the right direction. As you've discovered; money isn't everything or you'd stick with and Perdue the opportunities you already know of!
Do you like problem solving? Art? People management? In other words; what do you like? Finding rewarding work is finding something you like to do and that comes from knowing your interests and pursuing education & opportunities that incorporate your interests.

[1uglybastard]

Not sure if anyone brought this up, but have you considered a blog to just vent? Google some blogs. You may find someone dealing with the same issues. Also, check out Postsecret.com. it's a cool site that helps people express their secrets. There's a PS forum too. Finally, the suicide hotline may help with talking to someone who will listen. It's not just for suicide prevention. There are many out there going through the same thing and talking/listening to them often helps.

Best of luck!

[JohnnyBravo]

Originally Posted by 1uglybastard

Not sure if anyone brought this up, but have you considered a blog to just vent? Google some blogs. You may find someone dealing with the same issues. Also, check out Postsecret.com. it's a cool site that helps people express their secrets. There's a PS forum too. Finally, the suicide hotline may help with talking to someone who will listen. It's not just for suicide prevention. There are many out there going through the same thing and talking/listening to them often helps.

Best of luck!

I tried a suicide hotline once... The freakin police came and took me away

[Snake]

^^^^^ Uuuummm....... I assume you got the help you needed?

[JohnnyBravo]

Originally Posted by Snake

^^^^^ Uuuummm....... I assume you got the help you needed?

No... I'm a ghost now man... Been dead for a couple of years

I was drunk an wanted to talk; they were the police an wanting to lick me up

[Koala]

SLOWn60, I know what I want to be when I grow up A forensic psychologist. It's what I was going to school for when I dropped out so I could work to pay my bills. The good thing is that the field of psychology doesn't care how old you are. Saving money to get back to school to get into that field is a priority. I am however going to get my bike first and actually enjoy something in my life for once instead of just suffering nonstop through the daily grind.

1uglybastard, a blog to me would go along the lines of posting it here. It's too personal. If someone on the off chance were to see it and realize who it was that would be bad.

I was kinda crossing my fingers headshrink would get back but I don't think he comes on here anymore. At least not often if he does.

JohnnyBravo, the police came for you???

[csmith12]

Good luck on your goals Koala.

Thanks to this thread, I now know what is wrong with me.

[SLOWn60]

A Forensic Psychology student, eh?
....So....How are we doing so far?
Keep your eye on that csmith12 alias!

[RacinNinja]

I did ask my wife about resources out of state on the way to the races and she honestly didn't know. If you still need some help, she can dig a little deeper and ask around at the Hospital.

[csmith12]

Do you have a pet companion Koala?

The best listeners on the planet are those born of 4 legs, their love is completely unconditional and their loyalty is unbreakable. ijs....


ps... don't get a cat, they are a**holes

[jkv45]

Originally Posted by csmith12

Do you have a pet Koala?

The best listeners on the planet are those born of 4 legs and 99.999999999999% of the time, their love is completely unconditional. ijs....


ps... don't get a cat, they are a**holes

She has a cat...but it must be a good one.

[JohnnyBravo]

Yup... An took me to the mental health people, that just let me go and I had to find my own way back home