How Men & Women are Different

Alex · February 16th, 2010, 01:30 AM

Saw this on another board, made me chuckle...

Quote:

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dental appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY FROM ALL THIS

A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

kkim · February 16th, 2010, 01:54 AM

Apex · February 16th, 2010, 06:33 AM

Awesome

jcgirl · February 16th, 2010, 09:29 AM

It's funny, cause it's true...

HOW MEN AND WOMEN SHOWER DIFFERENTLY . . .
How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

Flashmonkey · February 16th, 2010, 10:51 AM

^^You forgot the part about practicing bodybuilding poses in the mirror with a towel on your head....or is that just me?

Momaru · February 16th, 2010, 11:14 AM

Thanks for sharing. Just brought a smile to a slow day.

kevlarorc · February 16th, 2010, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jcgirl

It's funny, cause it's true...

HOW MEN AND WOMEN SHOWER DIFFERENTLY . . .
How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

And the video for it from my extensive mental internet video archive. I wish Youtube still displayed how many videos you've watched. I should be at ~55,000 by now on youtube alone.

Link to original page on YouTube.

Alex · February 17th, 2010, 12:52 AM

Good work on the video find!

MKlein3004 · February 17th, 2010, 07:29 PM

you forgot in the shower thing to add that men brush there teeth in the shower. lol

DRivero · February 17th, 2010, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

I'll have you know, I've been told I'm "warm and fuzzy and adorable" in the morning.

rockNroll · February 18th, 2010, 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DRivero

I'll have you know, I've been told I'm "warm and fuzzy and adorable" in the morning.

Snake · February 18th, 2010, 08:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DRivero

I'll have you know, I've been told I'm "warm and fuzzy and adorable" in the morning.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockNroll

+1

DRivero · February 19th, 2010, 02:25 PM

Okay, you asked for it......this is last year, but this is me, first thing in the morning:

See, what'd I tell you....adorable!

And so HAPPY!!! Just be thankful you can't smell my morning breath!

min nin · February 21st, 2010, 07:33 PM

That looks like a I'm sitting up and have my eyes open, what more do you want? look.

Yes adorable.

DRivero · February 22nd, 2010, 10:43 AM

That, Terry, is exactly what that look is. And thank you.....

Snake · February 22nd, 2010, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DRivero

I'll have you know, I've been told I'm "warm and fuzzy and adorable" in the morning.

I will agree 100% on the adorable part but as to the "warm and fuzzy" part I don't have any first hand experience so I can't comment on that.

MKlein3004 · February 22nd, 2010, 06:28 PM

i cant comment or speculate. sorry was watching transformers 2, had to put that up there.

DRivero · February 23rd, 2010, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snake

I will agree 100% on the adorable part but as to the "warm and fuzzy" part I don't have any first hand experience so I can't comment on that.

Spoken like a true Southern gentleman

BlueRaven · February 23rd, 2010, 05:28 PM

Snake is one of the very few gentlemen out there.

Snake · February 23rd, 2010, 05:44 PM

Thank you DRivera and BlueRaven.

I try and treat everyone with the utmost of respect.

jcgirl · February 23rd, 2010, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueRaven

Snake is one of the very few gentlemen out there.

I second that!!! Definitely one of few remaining gentiles.

February 16th, 2010, 06:33 AM	#3
Apex Livin' the Minimoto Life Name: Mark Location: Riding around in TX Join Date: Mar 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2022 Honda Navi, 2018 Z-125 Pro Posts: A lot.	Awesome __________________________________________________ --- My IG Page --- My FB page! --- 2022 Honda Navi && 2018 Z-125 Pro

February 16th, 2010, 11:14 AM	#6
Momaru ninjette.org certified postwhore Name: Paul Location: Roanoke, VA Join Date: Jun 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2008 Candy Plasma Blue 250R Posts: A lot.	Thanks for sharing. Just brought a smile to a slow day. __________________________________________________ Proud member of the Blue Army

February 17th, 2010, 12:52 AM	#8
Alex ninjette.org dude Name: 1 guess :-) Location: SF Bay Area Join Date: Jun 2008 Motorcycle(s): '13 Ninja 300 (white, the fastest color!), '13 R1200RT, '14 CRF250L, '12 TT-R125LE Posts: Too much. Blog Entries: 7	Good work on the video find! __________________________________________________ Montgomery Street Motorcycle Club / cal24.com / crf250l.org / ninjette.org ninjette.org Terms of Service Shopping for motorcycle parts or equipment? Come here first. The friendliest Ninja 250R/300/400 forum on the internet! (especially Unregistered)

February 22nd, 2010, 10:43 AM	#15
DRivero ninjette.org guru Name: Debbi Location: South Florida Join Date: Nov 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2001 Ninja 250 (Sold); 2008 Ninja EX500 Posts: 273	That, Terry, is exactly what that look is. And thank you..... Last futzed with by DRivero; February 22nd, 2010 at 06:16 PM.

February 23rd, 2010, 05:28 PM	#19
BlueRaven ninjette.org certified postwhore Name: Lil One Location: NB Canada Join Date: Mar 2009 Motorcycle(s): '09 Ninja 250 Black Posts: A lot.	Snake is one of the very few gentlemen out there. __________________________________________________ I'm not small, I'm fun sized

February 16th, 2010, 01:54 AM	#2
kkim Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: Too much.

February 16th, 2010, 09:29 AM	#4
jcgirl ninjette.org guru Name: Jenn Location: Victoria Join Date: Oct 2009 Motorcycle(s): Bot Posts: 295	It's funny, cause it's true... HOW MEN AND WOMEN SHOWER DIFFERENTLY . . . How To Shower Like a Woman Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. How To Shower Like a Man Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

February 16th, 2010, 10:51 AM	#5
Flashmonkey Professional belly dancer Name: James Location: Toronto Join Date: Apr 2009 Motorcycle(s): 1992 GSX-R 750 Posts: A lot.	^^You forgot the part about practicing bodybuilding poses in the mirror with a towel on your head....or is that just me?

February 17th, 2010, 07:29 PM	#9
MKlein3004 Fighting Texas Aggie '08 Name: Mitchell Location: Allen, Tx Join Date: Feb 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2008 Ninja 250r (Race), 2005 Kawasaki Ninja ZX-6R 636 (Track), 2005 Ducati Monster 620 (Street) Posts: 541	you forgot in the shower thing to add that men brush there teeth in the shower. lol

February 19th, 2010, 02:25 PM	#13
DRivero ninjette.org guru Name: Debbi Location: South Florida Join Date: Nov 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2001 Ninja 250 (Sold); 2008 Ninja EX500 Posts: 273	Okay, you asked for it......this is last year, but this is me, first thing in the morning: See, what'd I tell you....adorable! And so HAPPY!!! Just be thankful you can't smell my morning breath!

February 21st, 2010, 07:33 PM	#14
min nin ninjette.org member Name: terry Location: SW fla Join Date: Sep 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2007 250r Posts: 94	That looks like a I'm sitting up and have my eyes open, what more do you want? look. Yes adorable.

February 22nd, 2010, 06:28 PM	#17
MKlein3004 Fighting Texas Aggie '08 Name: Mitchell Location: Allen, Tx Join Date: Feb 2009 Motorcycle(s): 2008 Ninja 250r (Race), 2005 Kawasaki Ninja ZX-6R 636 (Track), 2005 Ducati Monster 620 (Street) Posts: 541	i cant comment or speculate. sorry was watching transformers 2, had to put that up there.

February 23rd, 2010, 05:44 PM	#20
Snake ninjette.org certified postwhore Name: Rick Location: Alexandria, Louisiana Join Date: Jan 2009 Motorcycle(s): 05 Blue Ninja 250 Posts: Too much. MOTY - 2017, MOTM - Jan '19, Oct '16, May '14	Thank you DRivera and BlueRaven. I try and treat everyone with the utmost of respect.

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