How to convince parents?

[blessthenoobs]

My apologies if a thread like this already exists, I tried searching for it but couldn't find it.

So here's my situation, 18 year old from Australia and I will be eligible for my license in 4 months. I still live at home (and will until I graduate from uni in 2 yrs). My parents are strongly against motorcycles and are threatening to kick me out if I buy one. I am going to pay for all of it myself, including bike, all gear (helmet, gloves, jacket, boots and pants), registration, insurance, stamp duty etc. I take safety seriously, have already booked my Qride course (MSF version in Aus) and am going to be ATGATT.

My dilemma is that my dad rode bikes for over 20 years and yet doesn't let me ride. Also, I ride my push bike to uni everyday on the road, which is less safe than riding a motorcycle in my opinion since I have to share a lane with vehicles, yet my parents deem that perfectly safe. So what can I do to convince them to give me permission to ride. Has anyone else been in this situation and been able to convince their parents/loved ones?

[Samer]

Sounds like you have two options; wait two years or call their bluff by buying a bike and seeing if they really kick you out.

If you're willing to face the consequences, buy the bike, if not, wait it out.

[choneofakind]

If they're that against it, put the idea on the back burner and let it simmer until you're on your own. Motorcycles are ridiculously fun, but they're not worth ruining your relationship with your parents and getting kicked out of the house.

Since they've already laid out their terms (bike or place in the house) you have to consider the following; what's worth more to you? The motorcycle? Or a roof over your head and a good relationship with your family?




For perspective: I'm almost 21, bought the ninja with parental blessing when I was 17. Would my ninja be worth having a bad relationship with them? no. I'm still a dependent. There's no way I could support myself to the extent I want without them right now because I'm at college. Besides, they've always been awesome to me. Why would I want to change that?

PS: depending on how far you are from your university and what kind of town you live in, a bicycle (I assume that's what you meant by 'push bike'?) is faster than any motorized vehicle.

[dfox]

terrible idea. listen. move along.

I desperately tried to buy one on my own when I was 16+. Thankfully I never pulled the trigger. Bought a bike at 27 and am very glad I waited. Not only am I more financially capable of owning and maintaining a motorcycle and all of the gear that comes with it, but I am a much more responsible and alert driver. Male's brains are not fully developed until mid to late 20's. It's a fact.

An alternative is to buy a dirt bike if you have somewhere to ride it. It'll scratch the itch for a little while, give you basic motorcycling skills, keep you off the dangerous streets, and probably keep your parents happy. Once you're off on your own, feel comfortable enough, etc. then you can buy the necessary parts to have a kickass supermoto on the streets...

[Joshorilla]

Say to em.

"Cor struth dad, you're acting like a right Sheila ya drongo!, and ma' you're acting like a dingo's stolen your baby! Grab a castlemain and throw some shrimp on the barbie and we'll talk about this like grown ups, not flammin abbo's!"

[choneofakind]

I love English slang talk.

[leed]

Originally Posted by blessthenoobs

My apologies if a thread like this already exists, I tried searching for it but couldn't find it.

So here's my situation, 18 year old from Australia and I will be eligible for my license in 4 months. I still live at home (and will until I graduate from uni in 2 yrs). My parents are strongly against motorcycles and are threatening to kick me out if I buy one. I am going to pay for all of it myself, including bike, all gear (helmet, gloves, jacket, boots and pants), registration, insurance, stamp duty etc. I take safety seriously, have already booked my Qride course (MSF version in Aus) and am going to be ATGATT.

My dilemma is that my dad rode bikes for over 20 years and yet doesn't let me ride. Also, I ride my push bike to uni everyday on the road, which is less safe than riding a motorcycle in my opinion since I have to share a lane with vehicles, yet my parents deem that perfectly safe. So what can I do to convince them to give me permission to ride. Has anyone else been in this situation and been able to convince their parents/loved ones?

You will never be able to convince them. That is the fact of the matter. You are their child, they've spent 18+ years helping mold you into your current state [whether you like it or not!] and will not be willing to chance giving that up for anything. This is something you will simply have to accept.

That said, I do still suggest you continue to use the push bike to attend Uni and live with your parents for the two years as although you may or may not be able to call their bluff, you can also test your own will on wanting to ride a motorcycle. You can also save your money so you can buy one in two years on top of when you'll likely obtain a full time job and be well on your way to your new career!

Two years may seem like a long time, but it goes by pretty quickly especially in school.

Just my two cents.

What I did: I asked, they denied, I was already living by myself and attending school, so at 20 I took the MSF, at 21 I bought a bike without their knowing. I let them in on the secret a year later and they still disapproved. No big deal, just understand and accept that it's not just your life that you can harm by riding these two wheeled machines!

[csmith12]

Welcome Blessthenoobs!

Interesting first post, we have had a few of these type questions already. If trends continue as such, the odds are not in your favor. Are you willing to accept an alternate form of motorized transport, such as a scooter. After some time spent on one of those will go along way in your efforts to convince your parents that you can handle something larger.

Good luck!

[Motofool]

Originally Posted by blessthenoobs

............So what can I do to convince them to give me permission to ride. Has anyone else been in this situation and been able to convince their parents/loved ones?

http://www.ninjette.org/forums/showt...173#post637173

[Aufitt]

[Finesse]

I'm 20, I bought a motorcycle without telling my parents anything. I just rode it up to the house...

I paid for everything myself. They didn't kick me out. I pay rent, phone, have my own insurance policy on the bike, etc. My dad also had bikes 20-25 years ago but is against me riding mine. There's probably nothing you can say that will convince them, my parents still really hate it, they won't support it at all and my mom even threatened to 'accidentally' hit it with her car. But I told her I had full coverage and she hasn't talked about that since.

I would say this: as long as they seem open to having a conversation about the bike with you, try to talk to them about it and be sincere and honest. If they're just flat out 100% against it and won't give in to you at all, well, you live in their house and are dependent on them so maybe it's the exchange you have to make. If you're that intent on riding, get a job or two, move out, etc but I would not advise that because it would seriously strain the relationship with your parents and that's just not a good thing. Motorcycles aren't going anywhere. You can always get a bike later, maybe you can find someone who will let you ride theirs once in awhile, maybe you can get a job working in a bike shop and learn some stuff before you get your own.

In hindsight I should probably have given my parents at least a heads up - but I gave them a heads up about getting the tattoos and dropping out of college and they are still flipping out about all of it so with the motorcycle I decided that I didn't want to deal with their craziness before AND after I bought the bike. I have an extremely close relationship with my mom and my parents have always given me freedom that I have not abused and I feel that I now abused it by buying the bike without their knowledge or consent, but... bottom line is it's your life and live it how you want. Just be aware that what you do affects other people, and be patient. If you want to send me a PM we can both b***h about our parents hating our bikes

[fr1dayn1ght]

Kinda funny, because my parents were against me buying a motorcycle too..
but then one day, a guy came to my house in a pickup truck with the ninja 250 on the back and dropped it on my drive way and I picked it up, my parents saw it and were just like "oh well..."
Not saying you should do this, everyone has different situations
Truth be told though...I just dont know how to convince my parents by words

[rasta]

On one hand, you're 18 which means you're a legal adult (in America), and should be allowed to do whatever you want.

On the other hand, you're living under your parents roof; and if you're not paying them rent, they still have SOME control over what is acceptable.

On the other other hand, I have no idea what you or your parents are like.

The bottom line is; when it comes to the safety of their children, parents can never be "convinced".

This post didn't accomplish anything, sorry

[Sirref]

idk if this helps but my dad took out a massive life insurance policy on me and after that he kinda accepted it.

[Alex]

[rasta]

Originally Posted by Alex

You have the best gifs

[mickheaven]

I'd advise you to wait till your independent. As previously stated when living under your parents roof follow their rules.

I got my license/bike last year at 25 and glad that I waited. If you wait you'll be a more experienced driver for starters which is a great advantage in staying safe. Also at 18 I would most definitely have killed myself.

Originally Posted by Joshorilla

...we'll talk about this like grown ups, not flammin abbo's!"

Perhaps a bit racist this sentence.

[Aufitt]

Originally Posted by Joshorilla

Say to em.

"Cor struth dad, you're acting like a right Sheila ya drongo!, and ma' you're acting like a dingo's stolen your baby! Grab a castlemain and throw some shrimp on the barbie and we'll talk about this like grown ups, not flammin abbo's!"

So racism is ok in your world?
its not ok here thanks.

[Joshorilla]

Hmm, didn't occur that abbo was racist, more a shortening, oh well. Next time an australian calls me a pommy baaaaaaastard i'm gonna to infom him he is being racist, and that may be ok where he is from, but it isn't here, then i'll tell him a funny joke I heard about eating cricket balls.

[Alex]

You're an ass.

[Jiggles]

Ask for forgiveness not permission

[mickheaven]

Originally Posted by Joshorilla

Hmm, didn't occur that abbo was racist, more a shortening, oh well.

The word in itself is not the only issue. You could have interchanged it for any nationality, race, sexuality or gender and it would have still been offensive.

[Kokosun]

I think that this is a really difficult problem, but the bottom line is that you have to adhere to your parents demands. It doesn't matter whether you're 18, 28 or 88. If you're dependent on them, and they say that they don't want you to have a motorcycle, you'll have to live with that.

But ... it doesn't mean that you can't try to change their minds.

I can empathise with them. I'm 48 and have two teenage daughters. I know that my youngest daughter is VERY into bikes, and within the next couple of years she's going to want to get a moped/scooter. The reality is, I don't want her to. I know that at 16 she won't be mature enough and also that mopeds/scooters are death traps.

The underlying reason that I don't want her to get a moped/scooter is because I love her, and I'm afraid that she'll hurt herself/die. I suspect that your parents feel the same way.

But, here's an additional dimension. I came to motorcycling a lot later in life, and I regret that I wasn't riding a bike at 18 ... all those wasted years <sigh> So, when my daughters come to me at 18 and ask to get a bike, I'm going to agree. But, I'm going to demand that they not only do the standard CBT and formal training, but that they also do BikeSafe and RoSPA (or some other similar training) AND they get the best gear available to them.

So, I think that you should discuss this concept with your parents. Appeal to your dad (who presumably enjoyed his 20 years biking). Tell them that you'll do not only the mandatory motorcycle training, but you'll also commit to doing advanced training. I'm not sure if there is the equivalent of BikeSafe, RoSPA or IAM In Australia, but I'm betting that there is. It's a time commitment, but it'll show your parents that you are focused on safety and mature enough to know that an advanced riding certificate is MUCH more than just a qualification.

This could significantly stack the deck in your favour in your discussions with your parents. You could even show them statistics of injuries to riders that do RoSPA or IAM and how much lower they are. Perhaps this will persuade them that you're not going to get a bike, learn the most rudimentary technical aspects of riding, and then go and hurt yourself because you push much harder than your ability or experience can accommodate.

As a final note ... in my case, I'm MUCH more concerned about my daughters getting on the back of a bike with some idiot organ donor than I am with them riding a bike themselves.

[adouglas]

I convinced my (then) new wife to let me ride by having her take the MSF course with me.

People fear the unknown. Since your dad rode and no longer does, it's a fair bet that your mom made him stop. Your mom is scared you'll hurt yourself badly. All she sees his her precious child lying bleeding and broken. Can you blame her?

Having them take safety training with you under VERY safe, controlled conditions is a good compromise… they get to see you being responsible, they get to see that motorcycles are not as crazy-dangerous as they thought, they get safety-related knowledge they may not have, and you get to have some fun with them.

After that, if they still say no, then just wait two years. Two years is nothing.

Do they have the equivalent course in Australia?

I'm 54 and have no kids, but I do have the perspective of age. I work with a 20-something who just bought his first bike. He's got the right mindset… took MSF, read Proficient Motorcycling cover-to-cover, went straight to all-leather, top-shelf gear.

But he's 20-something and still has the enthusiasm and questionable judgment of youth.

He's already crashed twice, in the first six months. Both incidents were minor and inconsequential… but that's not the point. He hasn't got the judgment or caution he needs yet.

That's what your parents are afraid of. Your dad has been there and done that. He knows first-hand how dangerous it can be. He's trying to protect you… that makes him a good dad.

[Kokosun]

I couldn't find any statistics on advanced training, but I did find some information related to a study on 'general' motorcycle training, conducted in Canada between 1979 and 1984. It compared 346 trained riders with an equal number of untrained riders, and found that the trained riders had 64% less accidents than the untrained riders, and the accidents that they had were less severe. Interestingly, the study also found that the trained riders had 32% fewer accidents in all vehicles indicating that motorcycle training is hugely beneficial to automobile driving too. Of course, we all knew that anyway.

I really don't know (because there are no stats that I can find), but I'm guessing those that undertake advanced training would be AT LEAST half as likely to have an accident than those that just undertake mandatory (pass the riding test) training. I wrote an email to RoSPA to see if they have any stats. I'll report back that they tell me.

Incidentally, as an aside, it's worth downloading and reading the RoSPA MOTORCYCLING SAFETY POLICY PAPER. You can get it here: http://www.rospa.com/roadsafety/advi...paper_2008.pdf

The accident stats are really interesting, and give you a good idea of those instances in which you are most vulnerable. While the stats might be a little disconcerting, discussing them with your parents will show that you are well aware of the dangers of riding a motorcycle, but take your safety seriously. So seriously that you've done research of the safety issues. If my daughters came to me and showed such mature thinking, I know that I'd be impressed.

But ... again ... I want to stress - I think that your best course of argument is to commit to ADVANCED training. Don't just accept MSF/CBT or whatever they call it in Australia. Tell your parents that you'll join one of the advanced riding groups and will complete their training certification. It'll take you a few months, perhaps even 12 months, but it'll be worth it. You'll enjoy it, you'll meet other riders and you'll be a better rider at the end of it. Plus, committing to six months of (1 evening a week) additional training is better than committing to waiting 24 months before you can get yourself a bike.

[vman1313]

Originally Posted by choneofakind

Motorcycles are ridiculously fun, but they're not worth ruining your relationship with your parents

IMO --- Nuff said!

[blessthenoobs]

Thanks for all the replies guys, very informative and helpful

I'll try and have a chat with them in a few weeks and try to get my dad to do the Qride course with me.

[mrb]

I asked my mom. (I am 18) She said it was all about taking the responsibility of having the bike out of her hands. I think you also have to back it up with a life of general responsibility (driving habits, drugs, alcohol, etc.)

Just my take. My parents are sometimes to trustworthy though.

[YunMing]

Show your parents you're responsible. Buy all the safety gear you can head to toe then show them the gear. Show them that you have done the research and everything that you're not going to do drugs and ride and what not. If all this fails then **** it buy it anyways.

[Joshorilla]

Yep, just do it, if your parents kick you out for buying a motorbike, then you guys have bigger issues than them not wanting you to ride a bike.

Get a mate with a massive bike or something to park up on your drive and tell your parents that's the one you got, when they go balistic you say "ok, i'll compromise and swap it for a 250 the dealers have", they'll feel better, you have exactly what you want, win win.

You have to manipulate family situations like this very carefully, if you can't do the above, make sure your parents know you ARE getting a bike, that's not negotiable, full stop. Tell them you're going to get a really fast one, show them some prinouts of a gsxr 600 or something, then when they say NO you say "ok, well, I could get a ninja 250, they're about a tenth as powerful, they look faster than they are, it's basically a moped that's shaped like a bike to make the kids think they're riding a proper bike, they let 15 year old ride them in taiwan" bullshit it.

[Kokosun]

I didn't find any data on the (reduced) number of accidents that riders who have taken an advanced riding course have vs. those that have just taken the minimum training. But, I did find lots of interesting data on accidents, and on advanced rider training. Probably waaaaaaaaay more information that anybody wants, but here are some links, just in case your interested. It's mainly UK-based data, but I think that it would be a reasonable translation to other countries. Chance are the roads in the UK are more congested than a lot of other (western) countries, so the potential for accidents are a little higher here. I'm guessing that accident stats in Aus are lower, simply because there are bigger roads and less road users.


http://www.iam.org.uk/images/stories...torcycling.pdf
http://www.fema-online.eu/uploads/do...rt_eng_low.pdf
http://www.network.mag-uk.org/documents/TRL607.pdf
http://webarchive.nationalarchives.g...rcyclingst4550

For what it's worth, I don't think that going against your parents wishes would be a great sign of maturity, and would be unlikely to convince them that you're sensible enough to take on the responsibility of riding a bike. I think that you'd be much better off discussing it with them.

[csmith12]

Hmmmm, Imma break my normal governance on this subject and act as a father for a moment.

Attached is a pic of my son, now 14yrs old.

The good;
He can ride a small bike with no clutch and drag a peg
He can have fun
He can learn from others, father, friends, ect..
He has access to tracks and other controlled environments to learn at a safe and controlled pace he is comfortable with

The bad;
He is a squid lol
He is irresponsible
He doesn't know how to control his emotions
He doesn't know how to control his SR's
He is reckless
He doesn't respect boundaries
He lacks the maturity required to go faster than 15mph in the company of other sharing the road

He may not agree to the good and the bad points but as a parent I DO know and it's my job to help him reach adulthood with as little injury as possible. Would I love to have him out on track/street with me? You betcha, but he is not ready, simple as that.

Honestly, this is a 2 part deal. You and your parents. If your parents supported your desire to ride then they would set up an environment for your success. Otherwise, you or they are not ready for whatever reason.

Respect and learn from elders, they have the best of intentions in mind. No matter how conservative they may seem.

[nightrider]

Originally Posted by Jiggles

Ask for forgiveness not permission

This.

Pester them for about 6 months, make them think about it everyday then go out work, make money and do it. They'll have had long enough to see it coming.

[Joshorilla]

Originally Posted by csmith12

Hmmmm, Imma break my normal governance on this subject and act as a father for a moment.

Attached is a pic of my son, now 14yrs old.

The good;
He can ride a small bike with no clutch and drag a peg
He can have fun
He can learn from others, father, friends, ect..
He has access to tracks and other controlled environments to learn at a safe and controlled pace he is comfortable with

The bad;
He is a squid lol
He is irresponsible
He doesn't know how to control his emotions
He doesn't know how to control his SR's
He is reckless
He doesn't respect boundaries
He lacks the maturity required to go faster than 15mph in the company of other sharing the road

He may not agree to the good and the bad points but as a parent I DO know and it's my job to help him reach adulthood with as little injury as possible. Would I love to have him out on track/street with me? You betcha, but he is not ready, simple as that.

Honestly, this is a 2 part deal. You and your parents. If your parents supported your desire to ride then they would set up an environment for your success. Otherwise, you or they are not ready for whatever reason.

Respect and learn from elders, they have the best of intentions in mind. No matter how conservative they may seem.

At 14 he's old enough to ride any bike up to 50cc here, you see some nut job kids of cagiva 50's and Aprilia rs50's fully "tuned" doing 60mph flat out, terrifying.

Yet I don't think one has died in about ten years, you tend to get one with serious head injuries about once a year though.

[csmith12]

He is terrorizing the forest critters with me right now on a yammi pw80. He has got the basics and trying little wheelies and such (fathers bad influence ). But the physical size of the bike is now getting in between skill and needs.

[JohnnyBravo]

I didn't buy my bike till 31... Dad always said no bikes, mom always said you'll kill yourself on a murdercycle. Dad still doesn't like it, but always smiles and looks at it fondly when he comes out to look at it when I visit. I'm grown and don't live at home can they stop me, probly not... Do they wish I would get rid of my bike, I'd say yes!!! My dad has one leg at last half an inch shorter than the other from a wreck on one of his Harley's. his last Harley my step monster influenced the sell of. Haha I can only imagine how she feels about it, but we don't talk like that.
If I was in uni I wouldn't wanna get thrown out of the house, but do what you can personally afford! Bikes will be there in 2 years like they were 100+ years ago, and your parents won have much say in what you do when your under your own roof... Their house, their rules!

[NevadaWolf]

You said you'll have a chat with them in a few weeks, use that time to research all the safety gear, courses, improvements that you can and that way you'll have it all there for the discussion. Does your local equivilant of the MSF have loaner bikes for those who don't own one yet? If so, you can take the course before you buy so you'll have exposure to the basics before you're on your own.

Another suggestion actually might work, get a dirt bike to learn on until you have those basics down to muscle memory. Then once you've shown you can be safe and responsible on the dirt, your parents might be more open for venturing out onto the street.

Unfortunately, overall since you are dependent on them (if you cannot support yourself should they carry out their threat) their house, their rules is the smart thing to follow.

[choneofakind]

According to csmith12's evaluation of his son's riding, I don't think I'm fit to ride a bicycle


Y'all should see Chris and his son out riding. It's really fun to watch actually. He's not kidding when he says it's his job to set up a successful environment. He's out giving pointers and coaching, etc. we all need someone to fill that role of 'coach' when were a new rider. If your parents are completely unsupportive of riding and won't help at all, maybe it's not time to start riding. You're still a dependent after all

[parox91]

Originally Posted by Samer

Sounds like you have two options; wait two years or call their bluff by buying a bike and seeing if they really kick you out.

If you're willing to face the consequences, buy the bike, if not, wait it out.

I did this, my parents did not kick me out.

[blessthenoobs]

Went to the local motorcycle store with dad yesterday, and he was pretty impressed on how seriously I was taking the safety aspect of riding. Obviously I was showing him the $1500 A* one piece