How do you keep riding after a death of a friend?

[808yewtube]

I discuss my conflicting feelings about being a mom and a rider after the death of a friend. How did you cope with a friend's fatal accident? Did it affect your riding?

Link to original page on YouTube.

[Live2ride]

Sorry to hear of your friends death and may she rest in peace.

I've been fortunate enough not to lose someone close to me from a motorcycle accident but there have been fatal motorcycle accidents in my town, including one on a road I ride / drive on daily and it really brings it into perspective. Riding a motorcycle is certainly a privilege that can't be taken lightly. We all know of the inherent dangers of riding but obviously we have decided that the benefits outweigh those dangers every time we hop back on the saddle. Tragic events like this truly test our minds and bring about tons of questions and worries which is completely natural. I'm not a father but I understand where you are coming from as far as loved ones go. It ultimately comes down to the acceptance, every time we get on the bike, of the dangers we know can present themselves. If you feel as though you should stop riding for the sake of your children then by all means do so; but if the only reason you're feeling this way is because of one recent incident then I'd suggest taking a long time to consider your options. In the mean time, ride safely.

[psych0hans]

It is terrible indeed to loose someone so suddenly. The only thing you can do, honestly, is be strong. This is life and s**t will happen when you least expect it. The only thing you can do is face the challenge head on and move on. God bless and god speed!

[dfox]

Originally Posted by psych0hans

It is terrible indeed to loose someone so suddenly. The only thing you can do, honestly, is be strong. This is life and s**t will happen when you least expect it. The only thing you can do is face the challenge head on and move on. God bless and god speed!

Thanks for sharing. Hearing first person stories of those who have lost friends makes it feel more real I guess.

I can only imagine it takes a lot of inward reflection after something like that. How much does riding on the street mean to you? Is it worth it? We all accept the risk, but I personally try not to think about the consequences, but focus on the things that I can control.

I equate it personally to snowboarding. I like to snowboard in the back country, in steep terrain with avalanche hazards. It's a passion I have. I know it could kill me, but by purchasing avalanche safety equipment (airbags, Ava lung, beacon, etc.) and taking training classes, I can minimize my exposure. Even then, the risk is still real, and happens to those who are prepared like myself.

Anyway, focus on the things you can control. Minimize the dangers for the things you can't. For some, that might mean a cage. For me, that means smart riding, full gear, and keeping my confidence in check.

[miss_syn]

I think that the most you can do is prepare yourself.

After a friend died across the country I had a hard time. I didn't want to go on the bike because I realized it could happen to me. I then realized I could also get hit by a drunk driver in the car, get shot, or have cancer. I can't control what happens to me, but I can control what I do. It's a risk I take but I would rather do something I love than be couped up in the house being safe.
@dfox seems to have the same idea.

[crazymadbastard]

Sorry for your loss.

Everytime we get out of bed the danger begins, heck if I
could choose how to "go" I would like it to be doing something
I enjoy. Life is dangerous, no one ever gets out alive.

[Motofool]

Originally Posted by 808yewtube

I discuss my conflicting feelings about being a mom and a rider after the death of a friend. How did you cope with a friend's fatal accident? Did it affect your riding?

mrs808,

You have asked a big philosophical question !!!

I offer you my sincere condolences.
It is always sad and absurd that a young person dies in a traffic accident.

This fatal event has opened your eyes to the reality of life and riding, which has been a good thing.
Many riders don't even think about those things due to ignorance or fear.

Your conflicting feelings are very natural and you will need to solve those.
The resolution is a personal thing and nobody can help you with or blame you for.
Meditate long and honestly about those important things in your life.

How did I cope with a friend's fatal accident?
Unfortunately, I have lived that experience many times in my long life.

Did it affect my riding?
Each friend that I have lost has had special significance in my personal feelings, for long time, but has never had any influence on my riding.

Why?
I believe that it has been that way because I was riding motorcycles as a passenger since I was five years old, witnessing many accidents that friends of our family suffered, some light, some paralyzing, some fatal.
Those consequences of riding became natural, familiar and acceptable in my young mind.
However, they were overwhelmed by the enthusiasm and passion for motorcycling of that group of friends and relatives.
Just like for them, street riding, including all the good and the bad, was natural and necessary to me.
Those lost friends still live in my mind, not for the way they died but for the passion and happiness with which they lived.

I also believe that, being aware of those consequences and joys very early in my life has made me a safer rider along my years of motorcycling.
Every single time that I jump in the saddle I know that someone may make it my last ride, but I also know that I have enjoyed a life of risky motorcycling and that I will make it very hard for that someone to hurt me or my bike.
My family knows it has been my passion, that it has made me a better person and that I am not selfish.

I cannot give you any advice; hence, I have told you my experiences and point of view.
At the end of the road, you will clearly see that life is beautiful danger and that dying is not so terrible.
Death is not true for those who have lived properly and honestly.

Thank you for showing us the beauty of your island in this video !!!
I noticed (at 3:00) that you could have ridden to historic Pearl Harbor by turning West.

Some quotes from Chuck Yeager:

"I was always afraid of dying. Always. It was my fear that made me learn everything I could about my airplane and my emergency equipment, and kept me flying respectful of my machine and always alert in the cockpit."

"You do what you can for as long as you can, and when you finally can't, you do the next best thing. You back up but you don't give up."

"There's no such thing as a natural-born pilot."

"If you want to grow old as a pilot, you've got to know when to push it, and when to back off."

[rojoracing53]

We lose friends in racing more often then I wish was true but we all know the risks and understand they everyone out there has chosen the more exciting path in life accepting that it may not be the longest path. In racing we have a saying "you live more in 5mins on the race track then most do in a lifetime". When a dear friend passes we feel sad but we know that they had the honor to go out doing what they loved. The death of a friend has never affected my riding a d I think this is probably true for most but definitely not all racers.

I understand that racing and street are different in that on the track a death oils normally caused by the individual themselves. On the other hand in the street many times the victim may not have been at fault and the people left behind are left with not only sorry but anger as well. This can be harder to accept but as a street rider they understood the risks and still choose to continue riding, so they probably felt the joy of riding was worth more then the risk.

Sorry for the loss of your friend.

[bdavison]

I can only offer this....

If you fear death, you will never get to live life.

[csmith12]

Sorry for you loss, may they rest in peace. Ride again in remembrance, celebration and honor of their life. Keep it as simple as that.

[checho323]

Sorry for your loss. The same thing happened to me a year ago. Lost a childhood friend to a motorcycle accident. It took me like 2 weeks to get back on. Just stay strong and focus out there.

[Panda]

Sorry for your loss.

I can't answer for anyone else and I'm not articulate enough to come up with my own words. It's somewhat saccharine but this is why I ride...

Except from Tom Ruttan’s “The Wave”

They don't care what other people think. They don't care if anyone knows how much they paid for their bike or how fast it will go. The bike means something to them that nothing else does. They ride for themselves and not for anyone else. They don't care whether anyone knows they have a bike. They may not be able to find words to describe what it means to ride, but they still know. They might not be able to explain what it means to feel the smooth acceleration and the strength beneath them. But they understand.

These are the riders who park their bikes, begin to walk away and then stop. They turn and took back. They see something when they look at their bikes that you might not. Something more complex, something that is almost secret, sensed rather than known. They see their passion. They see a part of themselves.

[Motofool]

This old thread has some good points:

http://www.ninjette.org/forums/showt...270#post641270

[voidrider]

I actually got back into riding due to the death of my second son. He was nearly three months old and suffered a SIDS incident. My wife and I were devastated, and the "comforting comments" and platitudes we got from a lot of people seemed shallow and sophomoric. Due to this incident my wife and I decided to honor and memorialize our son's passing by trying to engage in whatever joy and happiness life might bring to us. We weren't alone, as we already had a two year old son.

Despite the inherent dangers involved in motorcycling, it had been something I had set aside as an interest for most of my adult life. But our son's passing drove home the point that there are simply are no guarantees. I could be "doing everything right" and have some vein in my brain burst and be DRT. Done, game over.

I had three friends and we traveled a lot together. The oldest of us, who was perhaps 45 at the time got home from work, fixed dinner, popped his favorite movie into his VCR (this was a few years ago), had a seizure, slumped over, dead, early on a Friday evening. A couple years later the next fellow was in the break room of where he worked. One morning, he got up to go to the soda machine and never made it. He suffered a massive heart attack. Boom, gone, no warning. The remaining third friend had a heart attack (only in his late 20s or early 30's) in a restaurant, but there was a heart specialist there and they got him back, implanted a pace maker and you would have never guessed anything had happened. Despite this, a couple years later something happened, his car was involved in a accident with a freight truck. He survived the wreck, and seemed to be doing great, all things considered, got to the hospital, and flat-lined. Of the four of us, I know beyond any shadow of any doubt, I will be the next to go (only one left)!

The point is, these were their lives, and ultimately, their deaths. Their lives and deaths were there own. Same with the son I lost... I can watch and learn from other people, but at a certain point you have to make a differentiation between others lives (and deaths) and your own.

I have taken riding courses, I wear gear. I try to do what I can to mitigate unnecessary risks, but even if I do everything right, someone not paying attention could kill me. If that happens, I guess that will be my death.

I have a lot of respect for people who admit fear. Fear is your friend, and nearly every professional performer I have met says, "no matter how many times you perform, you need to keep a little bit of fear, it keeps you sharp, it keeps you focused and your audience will know in an instant if you are just doing your act 'routinely'. I love the Chuck Yeager quote Motofool shared. There is a lot of wisdom in his words.

In the end, it is proper that such an event should be used as a time for reflection. A person needs to set aside the expectations of others, and resolutely determine their own path. Do not not give into the whispers of fears and doubt, neither give heed to the exhortations of ego and machismo. When you come to a decision from such a centered place, any decision will be the right one, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

Beyond that point, if someone needs you to justify your choice, it isn't about your choice, its about them projecting their own issues. That is something they will have to work out on their own.

Most people I know who have suffered the loss of a friend do tend to take a break, and ponder the imponderables of life and death for a while, and work out what works for them. Its sad to see someone give up something they love, but its just as sad to see someone force themselves to do something when their heart is no longer in it.

Real friends will be there for you, and not because of what you 'do'.

[Alex]

Hi Sam. I really enjoyed that post, and am sorry for the losses you shared. I admire your perspective.

[psych0hans]

Originally Posted by Alex

Hi Sam. I really enjoyed that post, and am sorry for the losses you shared. I admire your perspective.

Hats of to you sir!

[WesleySnipes]

I am sorry to hear I hope you can work through it. I feel weird saying all of this stuff to people on the interwebs but hey o well.
To be honest it all lies on the person but here is what I do to deal with it and my background.
I lost a friend in a bad accident recently and well it sucks... Another family's mother and daughter who lived down the road from me got hit while crossing the street a year ago and unfortunately died. So yes it is very possible to die in almost anyway and it does happen. Death will happen but I just think to myself...would I rather wait for death to come while sitting in my germ free bubble shaded from the earth the sky and the sun...or would I rather be waiting for death in a beautiful world filled with amazing people and enjoying the crap out of it. Living is not defined by how long your life is but by the content it contains. Everyone says to live your life like it is your last but for me I try to live my life for which would most benefit me. The joy I get from motorcycles is enough benefit to ride as much as I can.


Dealing with the initial shock of death is quite hard I must say but you can't let it get in the way of what you enjoy. When my friend died I didn't really know what to do...it wasn't eyeopening or life changing but it just sucked and all I felt was hurt. I will always keep with me the memories of him and that is good enough for me. I wish he was still here but I'm thankful that he made me enjoy my life enough to have happy memories that included him. For me I am not religious but I do believe we don't just disappear to be honest no one truly knows what happens when we die. Fearing death for me is as silly as fearing the dark. I have been run over by a car in multiple motorcycle accidents and car accidents. I have seen a friend nearly die in front of me who ended up making it after being in the ICU for 2 weeks.

Through all of that I still wouldn't give up the smile or the enjoyment I get being on a motorcycle. Seriously I was on my bike today jumping up and down(literally) as I hadn't been on her in 5 days. Not even just being on a motorcycle but hiking into the hills skateboarding surfing. Everything has a risk and people do die...everyday. You have to live on your own terms but for me motorcycles is everything.

I don't have a wife or a girlfriend or kids so I don't have to concern myself with any others well being than my own. Yes if I were to die tomorrow there would be people who were upset and sad...but I am happy with what I have accomplished thus far. I am meeting my potential every day. I don't feel I need to accomplish anything more than what I have. I believe If I would die that no matter what; I have impacted others and made others somehow enjoy their life too.

This is getting quite long so all I can say is try to talk about it with someone and try to accept it. This will help a lot. You don't know when you are going to die so try not to worry about it. Worrying is your invention and the benefits of worrying are zero. I hope this somehow helps you. We are all faced with the same stresses daily don't feel alone!